Mouse in RV, Deciding Nevada vs Oregon
rswfire discovered a field mouse in his RV the previous night after his cat Bailey alerted him. He spent hours trying to catch the small, fast mouse without success and didn't sleep well. The next morning he drove down the mountain to purchase humane mouse traps and return a battery charger he no longer needed. **Location Decision Process:** He's torn between staying in Nevada versus continuing to Oregon. Nevada appeals to him with its wide open spaces and views, and he feels it would be practical for work due to better solar and internet conditions. However, he's concerned about staying for the wrong reasons - refining rather than transforming, avoiding pushing his comfort zones. **Boundary Violation Issue:** He addressed a difficult situation involving a YouTube follower from Kentucky who developed an unhealthy attachment, claimed to love him despite never meeting, and continued contacting him after being asked to stop. This person would swear at their phone/camera in response to his videos. rswfire expressed frustration with boundary violations and explained his content as "messages in a bottle" - witnessing rather than typical YouTube interaction. **Current Plans:** He's considering staying in Nevada for the full 14-day BLM limit to let the decision unfold naturally. If he stays in Nevada, he wants to rebuild his savings and possibly go to Oregon in spring, though he's curious about seeing Oregon in winter. He also plans to visit Great Basin National Park if he remains in Nevada.
Solving RV Battery Charging with Solar Setup
rswfire successfully resolves a battery charging issue for his RV through neighbor assistance and improvised wiring. Initially planning to install a new battery charger professionally, he discovers a simpler solution when a nearby neighbor helps him properly wire a neutral-ground plug. This allows him to charge his RV house batteries directly from his solar inverter system, eliminating the need for the new charger. He monitors the charging process, noting voltage readings and expressing satisfaction with the unexpected technical breakthrough. The solution involves running an RV cable outside to connect the systems, with real-time monitoring showing successful power transfer from solar batteries to RV batteries.
Troubleshooting Solar Battery Charging System
rswfire attempts to solve RV battery charging issues while camping in Nevada mountains. He discovers his house batteries are draining overnight despite generator charging, prompting a trip down the mountain to Elko for a neutral bonding plug. The initial solution fails due to his surge protector (Watchdog) not detecting proper grounding. After multiple attempts and store visits, he purchases a marine battery charger as an alternative solution. The transmission includes detailed technical explanations of power systems, reflections on YouTube comment policies, and scenic mountain driving. He expresses frustration with unsolicited advice from viewers and discusses his non-compartmentalized approach to processing information. The day involves multiple trips between his mountain campsite and Elko, ultimately ending with a new charging device that should allow solar power to charge his RV batteries.
Considering Reopening Comments While Making Chili
rswfire reflects on potentially reopening YouTube comments while cooking chili in his RV. He discusses the wind picking up and his cat Bailey being agitated. He explains why he previously disabled comments - too many were superficial or judgmental, and as an integrated person, attacks feel personal rather than compartmentalized. He acknowledges some viewers might feel rejected but describes how negative comments force him to process what he considers nonsense. He mentions being proud of recent mountain driving experiences where he used integration rather than fight-or-flight responses when confronting fears. He talks himself out of reopening comments by the end. **Technical details:** He's cooking simple chili (hamburger, diced tomatoes, red and black beans, V8) using 150 watts of solar power. His battery charging process has improved - took 4.5 hours to fully charge but batteries are reading 12.68 volts, which concerns him about their condition.
Confronting Mountain Driving Fear Through Integration
The speaker drives up a mountain road to Chimney Rock campground, deliberately confronting his fear of mountain driving while sharing the psychological history behind this fear. He recounts a formative LSD experience at age 17-18 involving his first love relationship and a panic attack where he lost sensation in his hands, followed by years of panic attacks triggered by choking fears that required Klonopin medication. Having recently stopped taking Klonopin, he uses this mountain drive as an integration exercise, verbalizing his thoughts in real-time to demonstrate working with fear rather than suppressing it. **The drive covers approximately 10 miles up to 8,000 feet elevation, with the speaker maintaining deliberate control by driving in second gear at 20-25 mph.** He experiences physiological symptoms including hand numbness and elevated heart rate during the most challenging sections near cliff edges, but successfully completes the drive. Upon arrival at his campsite, he mentions plans for cooking chili, installing thermal curtains in his RV, and dealing with battery issues.
Confronting Fear While Withdrawing from Medication
rswfire drives to Walmart in Alco to pick up thermal curtains in preparation for strong winds (40-50 mph gusts). He reflects on his RV journey as a deliberate confrontation rather than escape, documenting his progress getting off medications. He successfully quit tramadol cold turkey after a month of intense withdrawal in April-May, and recently stopped taking clonazepam (anti-anxiety medication) after tapering from 1.5mg to 0.25mg over years. **Yesterday, while driving up a mountain for the third time, he nearly had a panic attack on the scary final turns**, realizing his fear was internal rather than situational. He plans to sit at the bottom of the mountain today to mentally and emotionally prepare before driving back up, viewing this as necessary integration of suppressed feelings rather than medicating them away. He describes decades of medication use (tramadol, clonazepam, benadryl) as fragmenting and numbing, preventing authentic engagement with life.
Midnight Reflection on Self-Confrontation and Humanity
rswfire sits alone at midnight in the mountains, looking out tinted windows at stars partially obscured by the glass. He reflects on fragmented thoughts about self-confrontation and lifestyle changes. He observes van lifers who come and go quickly, questioning whether they're truly confronting themselves or just running from problems. He expresses disappointment in humanity's disconnection from meaning and each other, noting how phones meant to connect people do the opposite. He discusses his constant metacognition and questions how many people examine their lives similarly. He describes watching the new Frasier series earlier that day, recognizing it as a waste of time while doing it, and questioning why he would engage in the same distractions he left behind. He emphasizes the need to confront oneself to find real problems rather than blaming others. rswfire critiques modern society as fractured, disconnected, empty, and meaningless, describing it as using people up without ethics or intentionality. He states his channel was never meant to entertain but to wake people up, though he now believes only system collapse will achieve this. He concludes by rejecting passive consumption and declaring his intention to create a better life.
Morning RV Power Management on Mountain
rswfire begins his fourth day camping on a mountain at 6 AM with low battery power (25%). He discovers his generator runs on propane and successfully charges his RV batteries using AC power, reaching 1649 watts. He manages solar power generation (80+ watts) to run satellite internet while conserving energy by turning off lights and water pump when not needed. He plans a town trip for supplies including thermal curtains, laundry, shower, and trash disposal. He reflects on missing his mother while playing Horizon Zero Dawn, a game she enjoyed watching him play. Despite some nostalgia and grief, he affirms no regret about leaving his previous life of material conveniences that brought emptiness. He observes other campers collecting firewood systematically and notes mixed feelings about their presence disrupting his solitude. Weather conditions are cold (63°F inside) requiring propane heat conservation. He explores using a 20-lb propane tank for additional heating options. Technical discoveries include learning battery charge indicators, needing a ground adapter for solar charging, and measuring coffee maker power consumption (750 watts initially, dropping to 80 watts). He researches his Oregon Coast trip using iOverlander and Campendium apps, reassessing wind concerns after AI warnings. Current wind predictions show 40 mph gusts coming Friday, which he now considers manageable after research.
Driving RV to Mountain Campground After Tire Repair
The speaker begins by describing tire repair service where valve extenders were removed due to leaking. They express relief about the tire fix and head toward Ruby Mountains campground in Nevada. The GPS navigation leads them up a steep mountain road to Angel Lake Campground at high elevation. Despite initially missing the campground entrance, they continue up the mountain and eventually reach the primitive campground site at the top. The speaker explores the mountaintop location, discovering Angel Lake and noting the lack of electrical hookups or water. They set up for an extended stay (reserved for a week, possibly longer) and plan to operate off-grid using solar power and battery conservation. The RV is positioned with mountain views, and they observe other campers collecting firewood. **Key practical concerns mentioned:** - Low fresh water supply (regrets not filling tank at previous campground) - Need to manage solar power and battery usage carefully - Plans to drive Jeep to town for supplies, laundry, and cat harness - Intention to learn grilling and off-grid living skills - Mountain blocks afternoon sun, affecting both solar charging and temperature The speaker expresses excitement about the mountain experience, plans to watch stars and sunrise, and mentions briefly following news about North Carolina tragedy and Israel situation while discussing collapse awareness.
Managing Wind Conditions and Reflecting on DoorDash Lifestyle
The speaker provides a morning weather update from their mountain location, reporting 52°F temperature and upcoming wind gusts of 20-30 mph today, escalating to 50 mph on Friday. They discuss the decision of whether to stay and weather the storm or leave before Friday, noting they need to level the RV and deploy stabilizers. The speaker then transitions to reflecting on their previous lifestyle, specifically their frequent use of DoorDash food delivery. They express shame about this consumer behavior while acknowledging they always tipped well (ensuring drivers made at least $20) and respected the workers' resilience. The speaker criticizes the gig economy system that forces people into delivery work to survive, noting most customers don't tip adequately. They conclude that despite current challenges, they prefer their current life over the convenience-driven stagnation of their previous house-based lifestyle.
Reflecting on Life Transformation Through RV Living
rswfire reflects on his transition from house-based living to RV life, describing it as a fundamental transformation rather than a lifestyle change. He explains that his old life was "not working" - meaning it was untenable and could only be overcome through transformation. **Initial motivations** included exploring state and national parks, though he acknowledges this wasn't the primary driver. He describes his approach to new ventures like his YouTube channel - exploring ideas without rigid attachment to outcomes, which led him to turn off comments and interactions when those goals no longer aligned. **Current living conditions** involve significant daily challenges: managing solar power consumption, finding places for basic needs like showers and trash disposal, sleeping on an imperfect bed for 7 months. He contrasts his previous "shallow life" of modern conveniences and disconnection with his current existence where **everything requires intention** and nothing can be taken for granted. Currently located on a mountain (reached accidentally via GPS error while towing his Jeep), he's preparing for upcoming storms with 40+ mph wind gusts. rswfire describes living in "liminal space" - uncertain about destination, survival through Pacific Northwest storms, but using these challenges as teaching tools. He identifies **two conflicting parts** of himself: one wanting to own land, live in a cabin, grow food and be rooted; another wanting to explore and experience the world. He emphasizes that this journey represents a **fundamental uncoupling from society** and his old life, with no shared framework between past and present existence. The transformation is ongoing - he recognizes it's changing him but doesn't yet know into what, remaining open to the process while facing challenges that enable growth.
Nevada Mountain Camping and Supply Run
rswfire is camping on a mountain in Nevada between 7,000-10,000 feet elevation and heading to Elko for laundry and supplies. He explains he cannot post much content or reveal his location until he leaves for safety reasons. He is completely off-grid, using solar power and propane, dealing with cold temperatures in the 30s at night. He plans to stay 1-2 weeks, testing his adaptation to this lifestyle. He mentions practical challenges like trash disposal and showering, and promises to share video content when he can safely do so.
Traveling Through Nevada Desert Toward Oregon Coast
The speaker begins the morning leaving their current location, heading toward the Oregon coast. Due to mountainous terrain, they must take an indirect route through Nevada, a state that wasn't originally planned. They express appreciation for the desert landscape while dealing with RV mechanical concerns including tire noise, squeaking sounds, and loose screws appearing after drives. **Route and Navigation:** The speaker travels south 100 miles to Interstate 80 toward Elko, with potential stops in Winnemucca. They cross into Nevada and immediately notice the sparse population, casinos, and legal marijuana dispensaries at the border. **Vehicle Issues:** Ongoing concerns about tire performance, road noise, door rattling, and general RV build quality. The speaker considers future upgrades including suspension improvements and different tires for potential off-road use. **Location Planning:** Upon reaching Nevada, the speaker becomes interested in staying longer than planned, finding a campground to potentially spend a week. They discuss changing their video posting strategy to avoid real-time location sharing for safety reasons. **Current State:** The speaker describes being in "major flux" after 6 months stationary in Kentucky, now mobile and uncertain about long-term direction. They plan to go off-grid at a campground with no power, water, or trash services to learn self-sufficiency skills.
Analyzing Gas Station Encounter with Unguarded Man
rswfire reflects on a recent encounter with a man at a gas station in Wyoming, working through the interaction with AI assistance. The man had accidentally taken rswfire's gas pump but responded with humor rather than defensiveness. During their conversation, rswfire experienced unexpected vulnerability and withdrew from the situation. Through reflection, rswfire identified the man's defining quality as being completely unguarded - lacking any defensive armor despite being aware of how others might perceive him as a typical truck driver and farm worker. This unguarded state allowed the man to treat rswfire with pure humanity even when detecting rswfire's own guardedness. The encounter shifted rswfire's negative associations with Wyoming and provided a model of vulnerability and presence to aspire toward. The man has become a touchstone and symbol for rswfire's ongoing reflection on authentic human connection.
Approaching Oregon Coast Without Plan
rswfire records a transmission while traveling through Idaho, approaching his destination on the Oregon coast with only two days of campground reservations and no concrete plan afterward. He acknowledges being in a sour mood due to uncertainty about his immediate future. **Financial pressures are mounting** - his savings are depleting and he cannot afford all his bills while maintaining his mobile lifestyle. He faces the challenge of rebuilding his freelance programming career from scratch after over a decade, with no clear understanding of the current market. Despite these uncertainties, he expresses **trust in his adaptive capacity**, referencing a lifetime pattern of navigating challenges including homelessness, job transitions, and being a high school dropout. He describes his previous conventional lifestyle as empty and meaningless, draining his vital energy through consumerism that didn't align with his values. The transmission includes his intention to **use his life as a mirror for others**, hoping to inspire viewers to pursue what they truly want rather than treating his content as entertainment. He emphasizes resilience and the ability to face anything within oneself, noting he's recording without his teeth as an example of embracing vulnerability.
Wyoming to Idaho Morning Drive with RV
rswfire begins the day camping off-grid in Wyoming at 6 AM, describing excellent sleep and a spectacular 360-degree star view. He prepares for a 4-hour drive to Idaho, noting the 44-degree temperature and moon visibility. During the drive, he reflects on meeting a confident, present man at a gas station who left a strong impression. He discusses stopping his clonazepam medication after taking only 0.25mg daily, marking the end of all modern medications. The drive takes him through Diamondville, Wyoming and into Idaho, where he observes changing geography and mountain scenery. rswfire expresses strong criticism of mainstream RV culture, calling it commoditized consumerism that recreates house living in nature rather than genuine camping. He describes feeling stressed about multiple concerns: RV maintenance issues, needing to reach Oregon to settle and work, and dealing with his demanding cat Bailey who clawed his face. The transmission ends at Massacre Rocks State Park in Idaho, where he sets up camp for one night before continuing to Oregon. He acknowledges being in a sour mood due to stress about upcoming tasks and challenges.
First Solo RV Travel Through Wyoming Desert
rswfire travels cross-country in an RV towing a Jeep, navigating steep mountain grades and testing engine braking systems for the first time. **Route changes from planned Idaho destination to direct Oregon path** due to time constraints and fuel concerns. Encounters fuel station spacing issues across Wyoming desert, with 300+ mile gaps between stations causing range anxiety. **Stops at historical monument** (appears to be related to wagon trains and indigenous history) for rest and route planning. Reflects on treatment of indigenous peoples while reading historical markers. **First night camping outside of established campgrounds** - parks at roadside monument pulloff, expressing mix of peace and alertness about potential law enforcement encounters. **Technical driving details**: Successfully navigates 6% grade using lower gears (D-minus system), reaches 8,200+ feet elevation, manages wind conditions and RPM monitoring for fuel efficiency. Plans early morning departure (4 AM) to continue toward Oregon via unsanctioned camping locations.
Recording Night Sky Experience at Western Travel Site
rswfire records a video transmission while standing outside his RV at a commemorative site for western travelers. He describes experiencing complete silence and a 360-degree view of the night sky, with distant town lights visible on the horizon. He reflects on the courage of historical wagon travelers who would have seen the same sky. A cat named 'm' is mentioned as being inside the RV. rswfire expresses concern about potential predators but appreciates the remarkable solitude. He outlines his travel plans: heading to Idaho the next morning, then to a state park, followed by Oregon where he will make long-term plans. He notes being 800 miles from his destination and plans to stop at pulloffs along the way. The transmission captures seven months of travel culminating in this moment of experiencing the western landscape.
Long Drive Through Wyoming Toward Oregon Coast
rswfire begins a 10-hour drive from Wyoming toward Idaho, en route to Oregon. He wakes at 4:30 AM after sleeping well, with Bailey (his cat) accompanying him. The journey involves towing his Jeep through mountain terrain with multiple fuel stops planned. **RV Technical Issues**: He discusses a malfunctioning slide that won't retract properly, planning to seek manual assistance in Oregon before potentially taping it up with insulation as a temporary fix. **Desert Landscape Reaction**: While driving through Wyoming's desert terrain, he expresses strong dislike for the barren landscape, describing it as desolate and boring. He reflects on childhood desert hiking experiences in Boy Scouts that may have influenced this aversion. **Profound Realization**: During a roadside stop, he experiences what he calls a "profound moment" - recognizing that he has "untethered himself from society systems" and has an integrated, self-sufficient system in his RV. This includes solar power, propane, cooking capabilities, and bathroom facilities. **Future Considerations**: He contemplates the possibility of extended off-grid camping rather than moving between campgrounds, noting he needs to better understand his battery monitoring system and may need upgrades for sustained boondocking.
Attempting RV Slide Repair Before Oregon Journey
rswfire begins the day at 6 AM in an RV, preparing for a 10-hour drive through Wyoming to Idaho the following day, then continuing to Oregon. **Bailey the cat** wants out but must wait. The primary focus is attempting to repair a malfunctioning slide that won't retract fully, compromising insulation and letting in elements. The slide mechanism is partially stuck - one section moves but another remains fixed, creating gaps that allow cold air and moisture infiltration. rswfire expresses strong criticism of RV slide design, calling them "the dumbest thing RV manufacturers ever made" due to their tendency to fail, compromise insulation, and reduce usable storage space. **Repair attempts include:** - Installing pipe insulation in gaps around the slide mechanism - Planning to seal remaining areas with Eternabond tape - Working both inside and outside the RV to minimize air infiltration rswfire explains the slide has been problematic since acquisition, requiring constant reconfiguration when moving and providing an uncomfortable sleeping surface. The plan is to permanently seal the slide in its current position rather than attempt expensive professional repairs, as the slide will never be extended again. The work is motivated by the need to survive Pacific Northwest weather conditions.
Morning Walk and Lake Exploration at Campground
rswfire begins a morning walk to explore the campground facilities, checking for shower houses and dumpsters. He mentions his ear piercings are healing after a month, with one ready for a hoop. The weather is 51°F, which he finds comfortable. He discovers the campground lacks shower facilities and notes the high cost of $42 per night for camping. He explores the area, finding restrooms, a payment kiosk, and a lost cat poster from July. He walks to the lake/reservoir area, discovering the water level is low and he can walk on the exposed lake floor. The experience feels cinematic to him, reminiscent of the TV show Lost. He finds an impressive large sand sculpture of a fish made by someone unknown. The morning is quiet and still, with the sun beginning to rise. He spends extended time walking along the water's edge, drawn naturally toward a peninsula, appreciating the solitude and 50-degree weather he hopes is common in the Pacific Northwest.
Traveling Through Wyoming to Glendo State Park
rswfire travels through Wyoming en route to Glendo State Park, reflecting on the deep personal impact of Matthew Shepard's murder and its connection to his experience as a gay man. He discusses the societal fragmentation imposed on LGBTQ+ people and how Pride events exist as a response to rejection rather than inherent opposition. During the journey, he encounters practical challenges including GPS navigation errors, a dried-up lake at the destination, and difficulty locating the correct campground. He passes through remote areas, observes trains and cattle, and appreciates the expansive landscape despite the painful associations with Wyoming. At Glendo State Park, he finds an isolated campsite after navigating cattle on the road and discovers the park is much larger and more remote than expected. He considers adjusting his travel plans to reach Oregon sooner, as that remains his primary destination. The transmission ends with him setting up camp in hot weather, dealing with RV leveling issues, and planning maintenance tasks.
Traveling Through Wyoming While Processing Matthew Shepard Trauma
rswfire begins early morning (3-4 AM) in Nebraska, preparing to travel into Wyoming. He cooks breakfast (sausage, eggs, bacon) in his RV while learning to use the propane stove. The transmission centers on his deep emotional response to entering Wyoming, which he associates with the 1998 murder of Matthew Shepard. He explains that this hate crime profoundly shaped his life when he was 21 (same age as Shepard). rswfire discusses being gay and the internalized homophobia he experienced growing up. He expresses anger toward his audience, stating he hates them because they contributed to the societal atmosphere that made him hate himself. He describes feeling rejected by a world that fractures everything intimate and personal. Despite wanting to avoid Wyoming entirely, he chooses to travel through it rather than avoid the emotional challenge.
Morning Maintenance and Town Supply Run
rswfire begins the day at Chadron State Park in Nebraska, performing maintenance on cartilage piercings and preparing for a supply run to town. He discusses his approach to possessions - having previously given away a Mr. Buddy heater and propane grill when space was constrained, he now plans to repurchase them as his storage situation has improved. He emphasizes this isn't minimalism but creating an integrated system. He drives to the town of Chadron, noting the landscape and speed limits. At Walmart, auto parts store, and hardware store, he purchases groceries, a 20lb propane tank with adapter, heater, propane grill, and repair supplies. He has a brief positive interaction with a neighbor, giving her a rubber duck. Back at camp, he repairs leaking hoses on his air compressor and water system using adhesive that requires 24 hours to cure. He organizes storage compartments, makes coffee with Dunkin' Original Blend (discovered during his Natural Bridge trip), and learns from AI that his batteries can charge from shore power simultaneously with solar. Bailey the cat stays outside in harness for hours and behaves well.