[0:00]So, it's 8:30 p.m. right now. Making a
[0:04]campfire so I can make some chicken.
[0:07]I thought before it gets dark, it's
[0:09]almost dark. I'm going to I'm going to
[0:11]make some video of that, too. But I just
[0:13]saw before it gets dark, I'd show you
[0:14]what my yard looks like. Did some work
[0:17]on that today. I've been working on this
[0:19]since I got here, but I had to do some
[0:21]maintenance today. So, this is my yard.
[0:23]That's where I pull my sticks. That's my
[0:26]campfire. I've been expanding that.
[0:29]my picnic table or your chop wood. I got
[0:33]my wood over here.
[0:35]This here's my backyard.
[0:39]This feels like a really nice place to
[0:41]hang out, doesn't it?
[0:44]I want to see what it looks like at
[0:46]night, too. So, try to take some video
[0:48]of that. When I first got here, this
[0:51]yard was just
[0:53]just a wreck, and it didn't have a
[0:57]campfire. They actually put that in for
[0:59]me and then I filled it with gravel and
[1:02]I put gravel around the outside of it. I
[1:04]must have had to bring like 20 buckets
[1:09]of gravel to do this. And I'm still a
[1:11]little bit off on this side. I'm trying
[1:13]to level it out. That's why I put those
[1:15]there. And driftwood is very light. So I
[1:17]tried putting some stuff behind it kind
[1:20]of reinforce it. I just It's not level
[1:22]yet, but it's getting there. I put those
[1:25]rocks around it.
[1:28]I really love this spot. So, I want to
[1:30]share that I'm sharing today. Let me
[1:33]show you something. So, these things,
[1:37]those are what make the yellow flowers.
[1:40]And there's like four of them back here
[1:42]still. Oh, five of them. Just looking at
[1:46]that, I was like, I cut those down.
[1:49]It made me think of something that I
[1:51]want to share. So, my neighbor, another
[1:55]uh host here, another volunteer,
[1:58]much older man. He's in his 70s, like
[2:00]probably late7s.
[2:04]He knew that I was allergic to them, and
[2:06]he came over and he cut a whole bunch of
[2:08]those things down when I first got here.
[2:11]Those are all that's left. So, just
[2:14]thought, what a kind act, you know? What
[2:15]a nice man. He's
[2:18]I do stuff for him, too. Like I swapped
[2:20]his um
[2:23]the asphalt on his side when he was gone
[2:25]one day. He did notice that.
[2:27]And I walk his dog all the time.
[2:30]Whenever I make chili, I give him some.
[2:34]He's just really nice. We get along
[2:36]really great. And it's basically just
[2:38]the two of us that manage this place.
[2:41]There's another one here, too. Um but he
[2:44]I tried being friends with this man, but
[2:46]it just wasn't working. So, it's more
[2:49]professional now.
[2:55]All you can do is be open and hope that
[2:58]other people will meet you there and
[3:00]respect your boundaries and
[3:06]I've never closed myself off, but I do
[3:09]do insist on my boundaries.
[3:11]People
[3:15]people treat that like it's wrong to do
[3:17]that. You know, they did that at the
[3:19]state parks. They some people here.
[3:25]There's some cute guys across the
[3:26]street. I know that they're watching me,
[3:28]too.
[3:30]Whatever.
[3:31]It's just nonsense, though. Whatever.
[3:34]I'm just saying, right? Like, I'm so
[3:38]exposed here. Like I can't just be out
[3:40]here on my phone because you know I have
[3:42]people watching me and stuff like those
[3:45]ones man. I thought we kind of flirted a
[3:48]little bit at the beginning, but um
[3:51]well, not flirted, just um
[3:56]just there was a vibe, right? So, and I
[3:57]thought maybe some, you know, maybe
[3:59]something will happen, maybe I'll get to
[4:01]know them, but it didn't happen. So,
[4:05]it never does.
[4:08]I've been wewacking for days. This field
[4:12]over there, I do want to show that off
[4:14]at some point.
[4:16]I'm hoping people set up tents and stuff
[4:18]there.
[4:22]I like weed whacking. I never did
[4:23]anything like that in my youth. I was
[4:25]always on the computer.
[4:28]I just That's why I wanted to be a park
[4:31]ranger.
[4:33]Just wanted a different life.
[4:37]But now I'm mixing the two. you know, I
[4:40]kind of did get my my joy back
[4:43]in programming when I started working on
[4:45]my personal projects. So, the ones that
[4:47]I'll turn into products one day, just,
[4:49]you know, it's going to take a little
[4:50]while. They're going to be over here all
[4:52]time. I'm just saying they're they're
[4:55]looking at me, so I don't be talking on
[4:57]no camera while they do that.
[5:03]I think we'll go by now.
[5:11]Some of them are pretty [ __ ] cute
[5:13]though. I'm just saying. So,
[5:16]we're just going to sit over here, chill
[5:18]in our little spot like a good little
[5:21]host, and make some chicken, call it a
[5:24]night, basically.
[5:32]I'm basically
[5:35]decompressing right now is what's
[5:36]happening. I'm just doing it on camera
[5:38]when you all witness that.
[5:46]I don't know why it's so hard. Like, why
[5:48]is it so hard to just talk to someone,
[5:52]you know, and if you're interested, why
[5:54]is that so hard? I
[5:58]But I can't like
[6:03]I mean, it's not like I'm trying to talk
[6:05]to them either, right? So, it goes both
[6:08]ways and I know that we even say I don't
[6:12]know how to do small talk. That's I I
[6:15]actually I'll share a story with you
[6:17]here. So, every morning my neighbor will
[6:21]hang out on a picnic bench bench near
[6:23]the showers cuz he opens them in the
[6:25]mornings and he just chills there with
[6:26]his dog and
[6:31]So many people come in the mornings and
[6:33]you know he talks to everybody and I've
[6:35]gone out there to get the dog to walk
[6:37]him in the morning some days and I've
[6:39]listened to him you know having small
[6:41]talk with people and I'm just like wow
[6:44]this is what people talk about like like
[6:47]one conversation they were talking about
[6:49]a house
[6:51]they were talking about like the
[6:54]the size of the wood that made the house
[6:57]of the frame like I'm like this is the
[6:59]weirdest cut like I you I mean it wasn't
[7:03]even 2x4 like 4x4s or something. I'm
[7:06]like they they make those. I didn't you
[7:07]know like this kind of small talk would
[7:09]not work for me and it can't be the
[7:12]weather because I learned that can be a
[7:14]flirting thing. You know that's what
[7:15]happened in Brookings.
[7:20]People are just not very direct. And I'm
[7:22]very direct. You know, I'm being playful
[7:24]about this, but I really just feel it's
[7:26]a mismatch between
[7:29]different operating systems. Like, just
[7:32]say what you mean. Like, why wouldn't
[7:34]you?
[7:37]But apparently, nobody does. And somehow
[7:41]I didn't know that like for the longest
[7:44]time. I know now. People don't mean what
[7:47]they say, which is very strange.
[7:55]I don't know if you can hear it on this
[7:57]camera, but there's ocean in the
[7:58]background.
[8:04]It's pretty nice night. I got to let
[8:06]these turn into coals before I make the
[8:07]chicken.
[8:09]I was thinking about making some fries.
[8:11]I got some potatoes and if I just cut
[8:13]those up and I could put them in my air
[8:14]fryer in the Ninjaf Foodie,
[8:17]make some fries. That sounds really
[8:19]good. I've never done this. So maybe I
[8:22]don't know
[8:24]something in me still resisting. One day
[8:25]I'll do and then I'll do it all the
[8:26]time.
[8:34]So yeah, that's how I'm spending my
[8:36]Saturday night. Just
[8:39]that's a really good one. You know, I
[8:40]feel really good. I feel
[8:45]I feel whole. As I always say, feel
[8:48]complete.
[8:50]And I know people can't possibly
[8:52]understand this when they consider the
[8:54]external circumstances of my life right
[8:56]now. And that's the damn point I've been
[8:59]trying to share
[9:02]is that if you can reach where I've
[9:04]reached, you would understand this
[9:08]matters. Whatever happens,
[9:12]I return to myself
[9:17]and I love who I found there. And I
[9:20]don't think most people can say that. I
[9:23]can say that
[9:25]if I were to die right now,
[9:33]I won't be satisfied with that outcome,
[9:36]but I'd still be whole. I'm just saying,
[9:41]you know,
[9:44]building a sovereign life on the Oregon
[9:46]coast, it's a big [ __ ] deal.