[0:00]So, at this point, I've given up any
[0:02]hope that my audience is going to help
[0:04]me. So, I just want to keep documenting
[0:07]my life
[0:08]without without that hope or
[0:13]expectation. I'm not sharing this so
[0:16]that you can feel pity for me or judge
[0:18]me or whatever else you might be
[0:20]thinking about. This is for me. This is
[0:22]for the future. This is for others who
[0:24]are in my situation.
[0:26]I need to know that they can do this
[0:28]because I'm doing it. So, here's the
[0:32]situation. I have two days until I have
[0:35]to move from my current national forest
[0:38]off-grid
[0:39]campground. I've been powering my RV
[0:43]using my Jeep
[0:44]inverter, which requires my Jeep's
[0:47]fuel. I have a half a tank of gas in my
[0:50]Jeep. I have a quarter tank of gas in my
[0:52]RV.
[0:55]Uh, I've been strategically charging it
[0:57]every day for a couple of hours. During
[1:00]that time, I charge my house batteries
[1:02]and I work on my laptop looking for work
[1:04]on Guru and
[1:07]Upwork. When I'm not doing that, I've
[1:09]been doing other things. I've submitted
[1:11]applications for volunteer host
[1:13]positions at different
[1:16]places and I've reached out to some of
[1:19]the field offices um the the you know
[1:21]national forest and I haven't done this
[1:23]yet but soon the Bureau of Land
[1:25]Management some other places I'm going
[1:27]to do that
[1:27]today I'm looking just asking them about
[1:30]volunteer opportunities and where there
[1:32]are free camping spots where I can go
[1:34]boondocking
[1:36]safely. Um, I've been doing that. So,
[1:38]I'm waiting to hear from them. I have
[1:41]$50 in my bank account. I have $3 cash
[1:45]and I have $18 in
[1:48]quarters. In my pantry, I have tuna
[1:51]fish. I have ramen
[1:53]noodles. And that's basically
[1:56]it. Um, in order to eat the tuna fish, I
[2:00]need bread and mayo. So, that's what I'm
[2:02]going to use my quarters for, my cash.
[2:03]I'm going to get some bread and some
[2:04]mayo. That's it. I'm going into town
[2:07]right now. I'm going to put $25 in my
[2:10]Jeep. That should fuel it up. Going to
[2:12]hold on to the other $25 so that I can
[2:15]put that in my RV when it's time for me
[2:16]to move. I have two days to figure this
[2:19]out. Tomorrow is my birthday. My 48th
[2:21]birthday in one year since I started
[2:22]this journey of mine. And I am not
[2:26]defeated. I will make it. And if you are
[2:29]ever in a situation like mine, believe
[2:31]in yourself. Never give up on yourself.
[2:34]And do not get yourself into a frame of
[2:36]mind where you're so
[2:39]desperate that you stop thinking like
[2:43]yourself. Even though my situation is
[2:47]bad, I'm not going to put myself in a
[2:50]situation that's misaligned with who I
[2:52]am as a person.
[2:54]So when I reach out to these um
[2:56]different places that I want to
[2:58]volunteer at, I'm thinking about the
[2:59]fact that I have learned from my
[3:01]previous
[3:02]experience and I feel like I was
[3:04]targeted for the kind of person I am and
[3:06]maybe even for my
[3:08]sexuality, maybe for having
[3:10]piercings. And so I want to find a place
[3:13]that will respect me for who I am. If I
[3:16]feel like it's not aligned, then I'm not
[3:18]going there. I would rather be on the
[3:21]side of the road while I figure out a
[3:23]better option than put myself in a
[3:27]situation that is harmful to
[3:30]me. I'm not going to keep asking my
[3:33]audience for help because they're not
[3:36]helping. And I'm not going to debase
[3:38]myself and make myself feel less because
[3:42]they're not willing to help. Because
[3:44]there are two ways to frame that. One,
[3:45]you could say you're not worthy because
[3:47]they're not helping. Or two, you can say
[3:49]you are worthy and they're still not
[3:51]helping. And the second one is the
[3:53]accurate one. You've got this.