Walking to Ocean, Planning Forest Volunteer Application

Walking from campground to ocean on Oregon coast. Clear but cloudy day with intermittent sun. Experiencing some physical discomfort from previous night's hike. Currently in vulnerable financial state with limited fuel and resources.

Energetic Signature

resolute vulnerability

Field State

boundary crystallization

Orientation

toward reciprocal exchange structures

01JRE0VMHGSGWHD9PT5G60FYZY

April 9, 2025

11:54

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:01]So, I was just I'm walking down to the

[0:03]ocean right now. It's quite a it's a bit

[0:05]of a distance from the

[0:08]campground, but I'm trying to conserve

[0:10]my feel on my Jeep, so I'm just walking

[0:13]there. Talked to my mom on the phone.

[0:16]Got some good news from

[0:18]her. She has a hereditary kidney disease

[0:21]called polycystic renal

[0:24]disease. and

[0:26]she takes a medication that it's helping

[0:30]extend her

[0:32]life. It was something that only came

[0:34]out a few years ago. She was one of the

[0:37]trial

[0:38]participants and her insurance stopped

[0:41]paying for

[0:43]it sometime while I was out here in

[0:46]Oregon. It's $1,100 a month for her to

[0:50]have that medication. So, she stopped

[0:51]taking it and she just told me that

[0:56]um she got approval for it. She finally

[0:59]got a

[1:00]new prescription yesterday and she's

[1:03]taking it

[1:05]again. Really happy about this.

[1:11]I was thinking before I turn this camera

[1:13]on, it's really hard for me to just

[1:15]record my thoughts on it without

[1:17]thinking about the fact

[1:19]that I'm sharing it

[1:22]with general

[1:25]audience, just random

[1:27]people, giving them a window into my

[1:34]life. And I don't mind doing

[1:36]that except that it feels like these

[1:39]people don't

[1:41]They don't care about me. They're not

[1:45]They're not

[1:47]truly They're not seeing me. They're

[1:50]just

[1:51]seeing I don't even know what they're

[1:54]seeing. Why is this person driving so

[1:57]slow?

[2:10]So, I'm pretty close to the ocean

[2:16]now. Anyway, so what I was

[2:21]saying, I don't know, there's just

[2:23]something that feels wrong about sharing

[2:25]my life with

[2:26]people who are just consuming it, not

[2:29]participating, not trying to help me. It

[2:33]feels

[2:35]wrong. And if it doesn't feel wrong to

[2:38]them, that just makes it even more

[2:41]wrong. Cuz here I am being vulnerable

[2:44]and

[2:45]authentic, sharing my

[2:48]life in real time, and they're just

[2:51] consuming

[2:53]it like they're

[2:55]vampires. I'm not okay with that.

[2:59]I want to start putting my videos behind

[3:01]my subscription service, but it's not

[3:04]available right now because

[3:07]um YouTube has to fix the issue with my

[3:09]AdSense account. I set that up and I'm

[3:11]just waiting to hear from them. Once

[3:14]they do, I am putting my content there

[3:16]instead. So, if you're going to witness

[3:18]my life, you're going to pay for

[3:23]it. That is not unreasonable.

[3:30]I do like the

[3:31]dunes. Can see the river over

[3:40]there. I'm almost there. Oh, my mom's

[3:43]calling

[3:45]me. I call I' gotten disconnected. Um

[3:48]just a bad connection. Um and then I

[3:50]started recording my video and she just

[3:52]called back. She wanted to make sure I

[3:53]was okay. She's like, "Go find yourself

[3:55]a place to

[3:57]sit. Just, you know, get yourself in the

[3:59]right frame of mind." And I'm like,

[4:00]"Look, it's just a lot of pressure." I'm

[4:03]trying to hold

[4:05]together. And she's like, "I

[4:11]know. I know." She just wanted to know I

[4:13]was okay. And I

[4:15]am. I'll be

[4:18]fine

[4:20]somehow. This isn't spiritual bypass.

[4:23]This is not me saying that it's all

[4:24]going to work out because it has

[4:26]to. This is just

[4:29]me

[4:32]never ever losing faith in myself. Never

[4:36]losing that little bit of thread of

[4:39]hope. There's only a few vehicles

[4:43]here. You know what? The sun just came

[4:45]out. Oh, that feels nice. And you know,

[4:48]it's pretty clear day. It's cloudy, but

[4:51]this be will not leave me alone.

[4:54]Um, should be nice out on the

[4:57]beach. So, yeah, that's what I'm going

[5:00]to

[5:01]do. So, let me show you. I got a walk

[5:05]up. Doesn't look so steep on the camera,

[5:08]but it is very steep.

[5:11]I hiked up there last

[5:13]night to go look at the

[5:17]ocean and then my left side was hurting,

[5:20]my core muscles, which I hadn't been

[5:22]doing that in a while. It's a bit

[5:25]concerning. I don't know why. It just

[5:27]came out of

[5:30]nowhere, you know, cuz I did recover

[5:32]from my core muscle overuse injury and

[5:35]that started on the right, not the left.

[5:37]So, I was very confused about it.

[5:44]I'm doing better today.

[5:47]So, I'm just going to go see this ocean.

[5:59]have noticed that when

[6:01]I'm in the state I'm in

[6:04]now,

[6:07]feeling

[6:11]insecure, I think that's the right word.

[6:13]You know, I don't feel insecure about

[6:15]myself, just about my

[6:17]situation. When I feel like

[6:20]this, I don't want people around me.

[6:23]like I'm

[6:25]not I don't I feel vulnerable is what it

[6:30]is.

[6:32]So just acknowledge

[6:36]that still try to keep yourself

[6:39]open.

[6:43]Um keep yourself open to

[6:46]connection. I think that's

[6:49]important. I like this view of me with

[6:51]the sun behind me like that.

[6:54]Oh, this is a this is a

[6:57]climb. I can hear the ocean back there

[7:00]up

[7:03]there. Feels hot to have my coat on now.

[7:07]That sun makes such a difference on the

[7:09]Oregon

[7:12]coast. This turned out to be a really

[7:14]nice thing.

[7:21]Okay, there she

[7:26]is. Head still hurts a little

[7:34]bit, but I'll be okay.

[8:03]Guess I'll share my

[8:05]plans. So, with the $50 that my parents

[8:09]sent

[8:10]me, I can put fuel in my Jeep. I have to

[8:12]drive an hour

[8:14]away to Reedport cuz that's where the

[8:17]field office is for the national

[8:19]forest. Couldn't afford to go there

[8:21]before and that's all the money I have.

[8:24]But this is important. So, I'm going to

[8:26]go to their field office. I'm going to

[8:28]apply to be a volunteer for the national

[8:33]forest because that will give me a place

[8:35]to stay. I'm accepted.

[8:39]I'm going to ask whoever's there where I

[8:40]can camp for free in the national

[8:42]forest cuz I'm basically off grid

[8:45]already.

[8:47]And you know, maybe it's time, it is

[8:50]time, I guess, to

[8:54]just do that without the safety net of a

[8:58]campground. But I have challenges. I

[9:00]have no no fuel in my RV. And if I'm

[9:04]going to boondock in the national

[9:05]forest, it's not going to be where I'm

[9:07]at. It might be an hour away. It's a

[9:09]pretty big

[9:10]forest and I don't have the fuel to get

[9:14]there. So, I don't know how I'm going to

[9:17]do it, but this feels like the only plan

[9:20]available to me now.

[9:22]So, there's a surfer out there. It's

[9:24]first time I've seen a surfer in the

[9:30]ocean. Oh, he's coming

[9:33]out. Too late. Couldn't see him swimming

[9:36]out there.

[9:39]So, here I am. I'm going to walk down to

[9:40]the river, I guess. Just create decent

[9:43]internet connection from there. I'll

[9:44]upload my video. Maybe put my headphones

[9:47]in, listen to my music, and just relax

[9:49]for a

[9:52]while. Here comes the ocean. Wow, that's

[9:54]pretty

[9:56]fast. Okay, I'm going to be tracing some

[10:00]waves.

[10:12]It's a good

[10:14]day. If you watch my

[10:16]life without

[10:18]reciprocity, it feels like you are using

[10:21]me. And I will not apologize for feeling

[10:24]that way because that's how I

[10:28]feel. I've been recording my life for

[10:30]over a year.

[10:34]And most of my viewers never even

[10:36]bothered to to talk to me through the

[10:38]comments. They never whenever I had a

[10:40]challenge, like when my core muscles

[10:42]were injured, nobody showed any

[10:45]sympathy. When I had no money back in

[10:48]December before I started volunteering

[10:50]and I had no food and I didn't eat for

[10:52]over a day, nobody helped.

[11:00]I keep trying to navigate this life with

[11:02]integrity, with my ethics

[11:06]intact, and I keep showing that on my

[11:10]channel. And I keep getting met by

[11:13]silence to the point I turn comments

[11:15]off, which I know probably seems

[11:17]contradictory to you, but that is me

[11:18]protecting my space from toxicity, from

[11:22]poison.

[11:26]All I ever got was judgment. And nobody

[11:28]was there to try to

[11:31]make try to counter

[11:35]that or to offer something real back to

[11:46]me. So I won't apologize for how I feel.

Summary

rswfire walks to the ocean from his campground to conserve Jeep fuel. He receives good news that his mother's insurance has approved coverage for her $1,100/month kidney medication after a period where she couldn't afford it. He reflects on feeling uncomfortable sharing his life with viewers who consume his content without reciprocating or helping during difficult times like injury or food scarcity. He plans to move his videos behind a subscription service once YouTube fixes his AdSense account issue. With $50 from his parents, he intends to drive to the Reedport field office to apply as a national forest volunteer, which would provide him a place to stay. He acknowledges the challenge of having no RV fuel to relocate to potential boondocking sites in the forest. At the beach, he observes a surfer and walks toward the river for better internet connection to upload his video.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission establishes clear energetic boundaries around vulnerability exposure, demanding reciprocal exchange rather than passive consumption. The field is simultaneously navigating material constraint while maintaining ethical coherence, refusing to collapse into desperation despite resource scarcity.

Dominant Language

reciprocityconsumingvampireswitnessintegrityprotectionvulnerabilitysilence

Symbolic Elements

oceanthresholdclimbsunwavesvampires

Ontological States

•
vulnerable
•
sovereign
•
transitional
•
coherent

Subsystems

•
ethical
•
relational
•
infrastructural
•
emotional

Transmission Details

Source Type

youtube

Duration