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good morning
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YouTube it is 8:30 in the morning here
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just waking up just made me some coffee
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here some things I need to talk to you
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about like all my videos this one isn't
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really planned this a stream of
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Consciousness and there's a lot on my
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mind so I might not remember
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everything I'll do my best so I ask that
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you be patient this
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is something I just need to walk through
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with with
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you I'm going to be walking through it
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with myself even
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because I'm still processing the
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implications of all
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this so let's see where do I want to
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start as you all know I was let go from
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the volunteer
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program earlier in the
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week and on the day that that happened I
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recorded a
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video naming the people that I feel
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abused me
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and I understand
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that doing
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that it's a brave Act is what it
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is but I was pushed into a corner I had
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zero money nowhere to
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go I was about to end up on the side of
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a road with no way of
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of moving
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forward and it was
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unjust cuz I shouldn't have been in that
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situation in the first place I had spent
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nearly two months trying to make a
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situation work that I did not create
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that I was not responsible for that was
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forced on
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me I didn't want to go public like
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that that's the position they put me
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in and
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so I sat down after I was handed that
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dismissal and I told my story and in
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that video you can actually hear my
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watch
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beeping that beeping is a heart rate
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monitor on my my watch my Samsung watch
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warning me that my heart rate is really
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high and it had been high for several
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hours every time it pinged my heart rate
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that thing went off probably like every
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10 minutes or something four hours
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because that's how stressed out I
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was and still I was perfectly coherent
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and told the whole
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story in that moment stream of
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Consciousness because it needed to be
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shared because I was
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scared because I needed help I asked for
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help in that video CU what I needed was
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money because I had to move
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on want to be transparent no one uh
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donated anything from that
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video I don't judge this I'm not even
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really
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surprised um I was hopeful because I am
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navigating a whole new
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situation and I could have used the
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help but you know obviously I'm not
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odent and
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um I accepted that for whatever
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reasons my video didn't have the impact
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I was hoping that it might in order to
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help me survive
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I did reach some friends though who saw
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it and chose to help who drove an hour
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and a half to see me to give me some
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money to help me be where I am today in
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this camping spot that I'm
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in and
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so I'm
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grateful that
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video it's received over 2,000
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views there's no way for me to ever know
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who watched it um what impact it will
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have or has
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had what how it reverberated within an
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institution how people are framing it
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what people think about
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me there's no way for me to know any of
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that I didn't deal with malice I did it
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because it needed to be done
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it's never to hurt anyone not an
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institution or the people within
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it what happened to me was wrong I'm not
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going to pretend like it wasn't I was
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abused that's how I view
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it and I tried everything to
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I tried everything to navigate that
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situation for two months and then was
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very hopeful that the last person in the
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chain would actually do something about
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it and they
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didn't and
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that's that's all I'm going to say about
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it because I've moved on I've already
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said
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this but I'm aware
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that my Channel's probably being
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monitored because it got 2000 views and
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it's probably been seen by people within
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the institution
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and it's something I have to navigate
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now something I have to be aware of and
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I've discussed it with artificial
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intelligence
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and I have somewhat of an idea of what
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what I'm dealing with here and it's
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unfortunate cuz all I did was try
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to try to integrate with an organization
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that deeply respected that that I
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cherished and it rejected me but I'm not
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going to spend my life
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worrying
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or not going to spend my life thinking
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about this I'm going to move on because
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that's what I do but I am going to be
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aware I received a comment this morning
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that was disparaging towards me tried to
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frame me a certain way and I understand
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where that came from so I want to be
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clear that when I receive comments like
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that I'm just going to delete them I'm
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not going to respond to
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them I
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understand that there would be people
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out there who want to control the
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narrative who want to try to frame me a
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certain
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way because that's all they have
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is a narrative and they lost control of
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it because mine's based in truth and
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theirs isn't and that's reality and no
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amount of these
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games are ever going to change
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that so let me hold
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on I'm might need to take that call in a
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minute try to finish this
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I'm going to continue being
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myself this channel is a reflection of
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me because I don't perform on it I'm
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just being
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myself and there are so many facets to
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me there's a video of me going into
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cuspe one day to buy adult
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toys with no
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shame because why should there be shame
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in in something like
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that um
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I talk about my queerness on this
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channel all the time because it's part
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of who I
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am I will not make myself
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smaller or more
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palatable or be thinking about how this
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might um this might reflect on me or my
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image or the narrative or all of this
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that you guys are the ones that
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are concerned with I'm not I'm going to
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live my life and I'm going to live a
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good
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one so I'm going to end with this I've
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decided to stay on the Oregon coast
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after uh spending time on the ocean
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yesterday I realized how hard that would
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be for me to
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leave right now and I don't feel like I
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finished my journey here I feel like
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there's more that I need to and I
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need it's just not time so I'm going to
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head north North going to spend time at
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Beverly
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Beach I love that
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beach
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and I'm going to keep heading north up
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to the Columbia River cuz that was
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always the plan was to start in
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Brookings and to end at the Columbia
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River I'm going to keep doing that
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there's a lot I have to do um I have
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very little money my client sent me some
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money yesterday I have enough to get by
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for maybe 10 12
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days so I have a lot I need to do in
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order to make sure
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that that money will help me to create
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more money so that
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I'm so I have forward
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momentum it's stressful it's um it's
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where I
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am
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and I believe in
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myself it's not going to be easy but I'm
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going to do everything I
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can to build the life that I
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want I'm not going to
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let this situation derail me I didn't
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cause
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it I just want to move
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on and I am moving on if others don't
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that's on them going to leave it at that
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for now