Processing Volunteer Program Dismissal and Moving Forward

Morning recording at 8:30 AM, just waking up with coffee. Currently in a camping spot on the Oregon coast after being helped by friends. Operating with limited funds (10-12 days worth) from a recent client payment.

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01JQHBXG9RYCN4XHFFK0WV8C37

March 29, 2025

10:27

Author

rswfire

Status

PUBLISHED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:00] good morning

[0:02] YouTube it is 8:30 in the morning here

[0:06] just waking up just made me some coffee

[0:10] here some things I need to talk to you

[0:13] about like all my videos this one isn't

[0:16] really planned this a stream of

[0:19] Consciousness and there's a lot on my

[0:21] mind so I might not remember

[0:23] everything I'll do my best so I ask that

[0:26] you be patient this

[0:27] is something I just need to walk through

[0:29] with with

[0:30] you I'm going to be walking through it

[0:33] with myself even

[0:34] because I'm still processing the

[0:37] implications of all

[0:42] this so let's see where do I want to

[0:45] start as you all know I was let go from

[0:48] the volunteer

[0:49] program earlier in the

[0:51] week and on the day that that happened I

[0:54] recorded a

[0:56] video naming the people that I feel

[0:59] abused me

[1:04] and I understand

[1:08] that doing

[1:12] that it's a brave Act is what it

[1:17] is but I was pushed into a corner I had

[1:21] zero money nowhere to

[1:24] go I was about to end up on the side of

[1:26] a road with no way of

[1:30] of moving

[1:31] forward and it was

[1:33] unjust cuz I shouldn't have been in that

[1:36] situation in the first place I had spent

[1:38] nearly two months trying to make a

[1:41] situation work that I did not create

[1:43] that I was not responsible for that was

[1:46] forced on

[1:47] me I didn't want to go public like

[1:51] that that's the position they put me

[1:54] in and

[1:56] so I sat down after I was handed that

[2:00] dismissal and I told my story and in

[2:03] that video you can actually hear my

[2:04] watch

[2:06] beeping that beeping is a heart rate

[2:09] monitor on my my watch my Samsung watch

[2:12] warning me that my heart rate is really

[2:14] high and it had been high for several

[2:17] hours every time it pinged my heart rate

[2:19] that thing went off probably like every

[2:21] 10 minutes or something four hours

[2:24] because that's how stressed out I

[2:27] was and still I was perfectly coherent

[2:31] and told the whole

[2:33] story in that moment stream of

[2:38] Consciousness because it needed to be

[2:40] shared because I was

[2:43] scared because I needed help I asked for

[2:46] help in that video CU what I needed was

[2:48] money because I had to move

[2:50] on want to be transparent no one uh

[2:54] donated anything from that

[2:58] video I don't judge this I'm not even

[3:01] really

[3:04] surprised um I was hopeful because I am

[3:07] navigating a whole new

[3:09] situation and I could have used the

[3:12] help but you know obviously I'm not

[3:16] odent and

[3:19] um I accepted that for whatever

[3:24] reasons my video didn't have the impact

[3:26] I was hoping that it might in order to

[3:28] help me survive

[3:33] I did reach some friends though who saw

[3:35] it and chose to help who drove an hour

[3:38] and a half to see me to give me some

[3:41] money to help me be where I am today in

[3:44] this camping spot that I'm

[3:46] in and

[3:49] so I'm

[3:54] grateful that

[3:57] video it's received over 2,000

[4:01] views there's no way for me to ever know

[4:04] who watched it um what impact it will

[4:07] have or has

[4:08] had what how it reverberated within an

[4:12] institution how people are framing it

[4:15] what people think about

[4:16] me there's no way for me to know any of

[4:22] that I didn't deal with malice I did it

[4:25] because it needed to be done

[4:30] it's never to hurt anyone not an

[4:32] institution or the people within

[4:44] it what happened to me was wrong I'm not

[4:47] going to pretend like it wasn't I was

[4:49] abused that's how I view

[4:54] it and I tried everything to

[5:00] I tried everything to navigate that

[5:02] situation for two months and then was

[5:04] very hopeful that the last person in the

[5:06] chain would actually do something about

[5:08] it and they

[5:10] didn't and

[5:14] that's that's all I'm going to say about

[5:16] it because I've moved on I've already

[5:18] said

[5:20] this but I'm aware

[5:24] that my Channel's probably being

[5:26] monitored because it got 2000 views and

[5:30] it's probably been seen by people within

[5:32] the institution

[5:35] and it's something I have to navigate

[5:37] now something I have to be aware of and

[5:39] I've discussed it with artificial

[5:41] intelligence

[5:46] and I have somewhat of an idea of what

[5:50] what I'm dealing with here and it's

[5:51] unfortunate cuz all I did was try

[5:56] to try to integrate with an organization

[5:59] that deeply respected that that I

[6:02] cherished and it rejected me but I'm not

[6:05] going to spend my life

[6:08] worrying

[6:17] or not going to spend my life thinking

[6:19] about this I'm going to move on because

[6:21] that's what I do but I am going to be

[6:24] aware I received a comment this morning

[6:27] that was disparaging towards me tried to

[6:29] frame me a certain way and I understand

[6:32] where that came from so I want to be

[6:35] clear that when I receive comments like

[6:37] that I'm just going to delete them I'm

[6:38] not going to respond to

[6:44] them I

[6:47] understand that there would be people

[6:49] out there who want to control the

[6:51] narrative who want to try to frame me a

[6:53] certain

[6:57] way because that's all they have

[7:00] is a narrative and they lost control of

[7:03] it because mine's based in truth and

[7:05] theirs isn't and that's reality and no

[7:10] amount of these

[7:12] games are ever going to change

[7:17] that so let me hold

[7:22] on I'm might need to take that call in a

[7:26] minute try to finish this

[7:33] I'm going to continue being

[7:35] myself this channel is a reflection of

[7:37] me because I don't perform on it I'm

[7:39] just being

[7:40] myself and there are so many facets to

[7:45] me there's a video of me going into

[7:47] cuspe one day to buy adult

[7:51] toys with no

[7:53] shame because why should there be shame

[7:55] in in something like

[7:57] that um

[8:02] I talk about my queerness on this

[8:04] channel all the time because it's part

[8:06] of who I

[8:08] am I will not make myself

[8:12] smaller or more

[8:14] palatable or be thinking about how this

[8:19] might um this might reflect on me or my

[8:23] image or the narrative or all of this

[8:26] that you guys are the ones that

[8:29] are concerned with I'm not I'm going to

[8:32] live my life and I'm going to live a

[8:33] good

[8:34] one so I'm going to end with this I've

[8:37] decided to stay on the Oregon coast

[8:39] after uh spending time on the ocean

[8:41] yesterday I realized how hard that would

[8:44] be for me to

[8:45] leave right now and I don't feel like I

[8:48] finished my journey here I feel like

[8:51] there's more that I need to and I

[8:56] need it's just not time so I'm going to

[8:59] head north North going to spend time at

[9:02] Beverly

[9:03] Beach I love that

[9:05] beach

[9:08] and I'm going to keep heading north up

[9:11] to the Columbia River cuz that was

[9:13] always the plan was to start in

[9:15] Brookings and to end at the Columbia

[9:19] River I'm going to keep doing that

[9:22] there's a lot I have to do um I have

[9:24] very little money my client sent me some

[9:27] money yesterday I have enough to get by

[9:29] for maybe 10 12

[9:31] days so I have a lot I need to do in

[9:34] order to make sure

[9:37] that that money will help me to create

[9:40] more money so that

[9:42] I'm so I have forward

[9:45] momentum it's stressful it's um it's

[9:49] where I

[9:50] am

[9:55] and I believe in

[9:58] myself it's not going to be easy but I'm

[10:00] going to do everything I

[10:03] can to build the life that I

[10:06] want I'm not going to

[10:10] let this situation derail me I didn't

[10:15] cause

[10:15] it I just want to move

[10:18] on and I am moving on if others don't

[10:23] that's on them going to leave it at that

[10:25] for now

Energetic Signature resolute

Field State post-rupture stabilization

Orientation toward authentic sovereignty

Summary

rswfire reflects on being dismissed from a volunteer program earlier in the week and the subsequent recording of a video naming people he felt abused him. He describes being pushed into a corner with zero money and nowhere to go, spending nearly two months trying to resolve a situation he didn't create. The dismissal video received over 2,000 views but generated no donations, though friends who saw it drove to help him financially.

He acknowledges his channel is likely being monitored by the institution and discusses receiving disparaging comments that he will delete rather than respond to. He emphasizes he will continue being himself on the channel without making himself smaller or more palatable, referencing his queerness and authentic content.

rswfire announces his decision to stay on the Oregon coast after spending time at the ocean, feeling his journey there isn't finished. He plans to head north to Beverly Beach and continue to the Columbia River as originally planned. He describes having very little money - enough for 10-12 days from a client payment - and the stress of needing to generate more income for forward momentum.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission establishes sovereign operational parameters following institutional rejection. The field is declaring its intention to maintain coherence and authentic expression despite external pressure to fragment or conform, while simultaneously acknowledging the new terrain of being monitored and potentially targeted.

Dominant Language

narrative truth moving on not going to I'm going to coherent abused

Symbolic Elements

ocean threshold heart monitor narrative control edge

Ontological States

•
sovereign
•
transitional
•
coherent
•
monitored

Subsystems

•
cognitive
•
ethical
•
somatic
•
infrastructural

Signal Reflection

No reflections available

Reflections provide narrative insights into signals

Transmission Details

Source Type

local

Video Quality

1920 × 1080 @ 30fps

Duration

10:27

Bitrate

2,494 kbps

Codec

avc1.640028