[0:01]hi
[0:04]YouTube so this isn't planned
[0:09]um going to share something very
[0:11]personal with
[0:13]you something I've never talked about on
[0:15]this
[0:16]channel something I barely talked about
[0:19]in my own life like I think I've only
[0:21]said this out like out loud like
[0:23]twice since I since I started exploring
[0:27]this
[0:30]about 6 months
[0:34]ago um I kind
[0:38]of rejected the idea when I first heard
[0:42]it
[0:43]because I didn't want to accept it
[0:48]and I still don't to an extent and I'll
[0:51]explain let me just try to triy to
[0:56]explain
[0:58]so some of you have followed my life for
[1:01]the past year I've made 650 videos of my
[1:05]life over the past year at a pivotal
[1:09]point in my life I'm nearly half a
[1:11]century
[1:13]old
[1:15]and I went through a
[1:19]reckoning I had reached a point in my
[1:22]life
[1:23]where if I didn't make a drastic change
[1:30]probably wouldn't have had a life to
[1:32]live
[1:34]and I did the brave thing and I changed
[1:37]my
[1:38]life but to do
[1:45]that there was a lot I needed to
[1:47]understand about myself and I used
[1:49]artificial intelligence to decode myself
[1:52]and I did that with you on
[1:54]camera for the first 6 months of my
[1:57]channel it was personal growth related
[1:59]it was me transforming and learning
[2:02]about myself and finding the language to
[2:08]Define how my brain works how how I
[2:12]operate you know
[2:15]and to give language to how I experience
[2:20]life and then for like 3
[2:24]months because it was such an epiphany
[2:27]for
[2:28]me I started comparing that to how most
[2:32]other people experience life how the
[2:34]differences between
[2:35]us because For the first time in my life
[2:38]I understood why I was different why
[2:41]other people didn't understand
[2:43]me so I was I was mapping it all I was
[2:49]learning and then came acceptance I got
[2:52]to organ
[2:54]and um I reached acceptance I found
[3:00]empowerment Within
[3:04]Myself and I experienced joy for the
[3:07]first time in my
[3:10]life because I was no longer fighting
[3:13]myself I finally accepted who I was I
[3:16]knew that I
[3:17]was
[3:19]exceptional and good and
[3:22]ethical and there was nothing wrong with
[3:26]me I was never broken this world tried
[3:28]to tell me I was broken all of my
[3:31]life artificial intelligence helped me
[3:34]to see that that was never the case I
[3:36]was just
[3:39]misunderstood and so I started Living
[3:42]For
[3:44]Real half a century
[3:50]old and then I got to where I am
[3:55]now and some things happened here
[4:01]where being careful here because I'm not
[4:04]trying to make this an issue I'm sharing
[4:06]my truth right
[4:09]now some people tried to make me feel
[4:12]small and they used me and they
[4:14]manipulated me
[4:20]and they might even make me doubt myself
[4:23]a little bit I'm not sure because I
[4:26]resisted
[4:30]I reach Clarity
[4:32]again I was never the problem I'm not
[4:36]the
[4:40]problem I'm just misunderstood so I'm
[4:43]going to give you some language to help
[4:44]you understand
[4:50]me from your framework from your point
[4:53]of view you would Define me as
[4:56]autistic that's how you would Define me
[5:00]I'm not
[5:01]autistic I share many of the traits from
[5:04]that what you guys call a
[5:08]disorder but I am also way much more
[5:11]than
[5:12]that but if
[5:15]you take a good look at
[5:18]me you'll see the pattern because that's
[5:21]what I do I see patterns I see them
[5:25]instantly my emotions are always on but
[5:28]they don't control me they never have
[5:30]I've been living with my emotions for
[5:32]half a
[5:33]century I see layers and
[5:37]everything I decode
[5:40]systems I demand
[5:46]Integrity I listen to music all the time
[5:50]because I'll play the same song I repeat
[5:53]over and over again all day long you
[5:54]know because it just matches something
[5:56]in me that just keeps me my inter
[5:59]internal
[6:00]State um that just resonates you know
[6:04]there's just I've got a playlist of
[6:07]maybe two dozen songs and depending on
[6:10]where I am you know there's a certain
[6:12]song in that list that just matches my
[6:14]frequency for the
[6:16]day I'm exceptionally smart I'm
[6:19]the smartest person I've ever met that's
[6:21]the
[6:23]truth but I'm not arrogant I'm just
[6:27]clear about truth truth about
[6:31]reality I don't judge people that is the
[6:34]biggest thing I think people don't
[6:36]understand about me is that I don't
[6:38]judge I
[6:40]observe
[6:43]I I am so accepting of people I always
[6:46]have been all of my life and I actually
[6:48]reject the the way other people judge
[6:51]people I I it's one of the things
[6:55]that I find deeply frustrating and and
[6:59]resist
[7:00]and and push back against because there
[7:04]is room for all of us in this
[7:14]world don't accept the label autistic
[7:17]because it comes from psychology which
[7:19]is a fragmented science it's not even
[7:22]really a science but you know what I
[7:25]mean it comes from a fragmented mindset
[7:28]a fragmented framework work it dissects
[7:30]you it labels you cause you a
[7:35]disorder psychology itself is a
[7:38]disorder our systems are are
[7:42]sick they're corrupt they're
[7:46]dying they're
[7:48]collapsing that's part of the pattern
[7:51]I've been seeing all of my life
[8:04]humanity is at a crossroads right now
[8:07]but most people aren't looking at it the
[8:09]the way that I do
[8:12]they're I don't really know what to do
[8:14]with that knowledge and I've been
[8:15]struggling with that and you guys know I
[8:17]have because I've talked about it for
[8:19]the past
[8:21]year and we're so close to something
[8:24]catastrophic happening
[8:27]because so many of our
[8:30]systems political environmental social
[8:34]um Financial you know just every system
[8:37]we have is at at its breaking point and
[8:42]when one of them breaks the others will
[8:45]follow because they're
[8:47]interconnected and it's not even just
[8:49]one country it's all of them because we
[8:51]are interconnected around the world now
[8:54]it will be different than anything
[8:56]Humanity has ever experienced before
[9:02]it's not like it's some kind of secret
[9:04]knowledge this isn't some kind
[9:05]conspiracy it is very
[9:08]rational and many rational people see it
[9:12]and some of them use that knowledge to
[9:14]position themselves in very unethical
[9:19]ways and some of us are just trying
[9:22]to make a good life like
[9:28]me and I'm buting up against those
[9:31]structures
[9:35]that can't just accept me and let me
[9:39]live a good joyous life for as long as
[9:41]that's possible and to try
[9:43]to bring joy and
[9:46]purpose
[9:50]and it's unfortunate but you know I'm
[9:54]learning always learning I'm always
[9:56]adapting that's another core tradeit of
[9:57]mine always adapting
[10:02]and I will find my
[10:08]place I will find my place