[0:00]hello YouTube want to take a moment to
[0:03]talk about my
[0:06]channel um 10 months have been on this
[0:10]thing want to talk about that and we're
[0:13]we're heading
[0:15]here if you're new to this channel well
[0:19]this actually might be applicable to you
[0:21]cuz I'm going to pin this thing make it
[0:23]the main thing on my channel for a while
[0:26]CU I'm going to talk about the direction
[0:28]we're heading in so
[0:31][Music]
[0:34]I have spent a
[0:37][Music]
[0:39]lifetime this is hard to this is hard to
[0:41]put in towards I
[0:43]guess I have spent a lifetime trying to
[0:47]master
[0:48]myself because it matters to
[0:51]me and I've spent a
[0:54]lifetime seeing how not a whole lot of
[0:56]other people do the same
[0:58]thing and that has made me fundamentally
[1:01]different from others and I think that
[1:03]my viewers see that I think they know
[1:08]that I think they also
[1:11]know that I don't see myself as better
[1:13]than them just
[1:16]different and that a big part of me is
[1:19]all about trying to help
[1:22]others find find that same capacity
[1:25]within
[1:27]themselves cuz
[1:30]at the core of my being is a deep love
[1:32]for Humanity and for its
[1:35]potential at the same time I see how we
[1:39]have fragmented ourselves to the point
[1:43]that things look dire to me and I talk
[1:47]about
[1:48]this
[1:51]because recognizing patterns is a big
[1:54]part of how I got to be the way that I
[1:56]am by not ignoring them
[2:02]I really struggled on on YouTube because
[2:06]I had to deal with a lot of
[2:09]personalities that were very contrary to
[2:11]my
[2:12]nature and there were times where I let
[2:15]that get the better of me and I
[2:19]think that sometimes it even got
[2:22]misinterpreted
[2:24]by my viewers of mine that I actually
[2:26]respected a great deal maybe they
[2:29]thought I was lump them into the
[2:31]same category as who I was frustrated
[2:35]with was probably hard to understand at
[2:39]times the way that I communicate because
[2:42]when I get on this camera I'm thinking
[2:45]about the kinds of interactions and
[2:47]people that are watching me
[2:50]and because it's just part of my
[2:52]awareness it's just it's part of my
[2:54]integrated awareness I it's just another
[2:57]way of you see patterns
[3:01]Sands they become part of part of my
[3:06]expression and that has made this
[3:08]channel very difficult
[3:11]because there were times where it was
[3:13]growing and was very happy about
[3:17]that not because of the numbers not
[3:19]because of metrics but because of the
[3:22]people that were resonating with
[3:27]me and I would watch
[3:33]how that would change
[3:35]when when other elements of YouTube
[3:39]would find my channel and cause
[3:44]disruption but because of the kind of
[3:46]person I am I can't ignore that so I I
[3:49]I'm always myself so if I'm navigating
[3:53]attention that's the tension you're
[3:55]going to see reflected in my expression
[3:58]that's just how that works and I don't
[4:00]think that this is well
[4:01]understood because if it was I think
[4:04]people would be willing to sit with it
[4:07]more than they
[4:09]have so I had been navigating that for a
[4:12]long time trying to figure out how to
[4:14]deal with this and I found a way once my
[4:17]channel was
[4:19]monetized I created a members only
[4:22]Channel because there it acts like a
[4:24]filter it's $10 a month that's not an in
[4:27]insignificant amount of money I know
[4:30]it's not but I'm worth it my journey is
[4:33]worth
[4:35]it my wholeness my
[4:37]expression my life all of it is worth
[4:41]it and it acts as a filter because those
[4:44]who are willing to pay it they're not
[4:46]just paying it to witness my life
[4:48]they're paying it to have access to me
[4:52]and to themselves because I'm a
[4:55]reflection of you of your capacity for
[4:58]wholeness
[5:01]I loved sharing my life on here but not
[5:04]everyone is ready for it putting my
[5:07]content behind a pay wall was the way
[5:09]that I feel I solved this I have one
[5:11]subscriber right now and that's
[5:14]enough because I will continue to post
[5:17]under my members only Channel because it
[5:19]aligns with my values with my
[5:22]truth but I would love if if more of you
[5:25]could join me there this is a decision
[5:28]for you to make not or in the
[5:32]future at the same time I'm not you know
[5:36]I know that maybe not everyone can
[5:38]afford that and I'm sorry because
[5:40]there's no real way around it I
[5:42]couldn't like there's one person who's
[5:44]been watching me for a long time he's
[5:46]very young I would like for him to
[5:48]continue watching my life unfold but
[5:50]it's just not possible there's no way
[5:51]for me to give him
[5:55]access and I want to I want to honor
[5:58]that you've been here that you've you've
[6:01]participated in my life for as long as
[6:03]you have I'm not trying to cut you off
[6:05]that's not what this is about and I hope
[6:07]I've explained this well enough that you
[6:11][Music]
[6:13]understand I'm always seeking balance in
[6:16]everything and one of the balances I
[6:18]think that I can strike here is this new
[6:21]pattern that's been emerging where I
[6:23]tend to reflect in the morning about the
[6:25]day that's about to unfold you know it
[6:28]never unfolds the way that you know that
[6:31]I'm talking about it in the morning
[6:33]that's part of integration you know you
[6:35]start with start with what is
[6:38]essentially chaos and you turn that into
[6:43]order I will share my morning
[6:45]Reflections on here on my main Channel
[6:47]I'll keep doing that and then all the
[6:49]clips I make after that throughout the
[6:51]day you know I'm going to compile that
[6:52]all into a video and I'm going to upload
[6:54]that to my members only Channel that's
[6:56]what I've been doing that's what I plan
[6:57]to continue doing
[7:01]thanks for listening