New Year's Eve Reflection Before Volunteer Position

New Year's Eve night (1:00 AM) at Cape Blanco day use area in Oregon. Black moon conditions with clear 360-degree night sky visibility. Temperature at 39 degrees. Speaker recently woke from a nap and is preparing to leave the next day for a volunteer position.

Energetic Signature

tender resolve

Field State

threshold crossing

Orientation

toward reluctant re-engagement while maintaining field integrity

01JGDZWJZG29QPPTV4VYBKJWEW

December 31, 2024

10:46

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:03]we're at Cape Blanco right now in the

[0:06]day use area next to that thing the

[0:10]ocean it's a black moon tonight which

[0:13]means there's no moon out here at all

[0:16]there's a 360° view of the night sky

[0:19]which I obviously can't show you on a

[0:21]phone

[0:22]camera but I could still share it with

[0:24]you through my

[0:28]voice let's call this it's a meditative

[0:33]night could see Port Orford in the

[0:37]distance few lights on the on the

[0:41]water which it's actually surprising you

[0:43]don't see that often there's a couple of

[0:44]Lights though way out in the

[0:49]distance but man that night

[0:52]sky it's perfect there isn't a marine

[0:54]layer so you can see quite a lot

[1:03]here the ocean All Around

[1:06]Me lighthouse in the distance the

[1:08]light's broken though the Coast Guard

[1:11]hasn't fixed it it's been that way since

[1:13]March

[1:15]there's a simple light up there on top

[1:17]but it's nothing like the normal

[1:19]Lighthouse light and it's super

[1:21]disappointing cuz just fix that thing

[1:25]already my Jeep over there it's quite

[1:28]cold it's like 39 degrees out

[1:33]here I don't have the correct um not

[1:38]wearing the right clothing for this I

[1:40]don't have any I don't have winter

[1:43]gear let's go sitting there for a minute

[1:46]though I'm actually cold

[1:50]already I love this Jeep this Jeep as

[1:53]everything to me

[2:04]cold

[2:07]wow yeah I'm

[2:11]freezing I just took a nap I just woke

[2:14]up

[2:17]and it's New Year's Eve guys it's after

[2:20]midnight it's 1:00 in the

[2:23]morning give me a second here I got to

[2:25]find my vape

[2:30]did I actually leave without it wow

[2:33]that's not telling at

[2:36]all I

[2:39]did no it's here

[2:45]okay I

[2:49]am got a lot on my mind

[2:53]tonight tomorrow I start a new life

[2:55]pretty much just

[2:58] nervous about

[3:01]it 24 hours I leave here which this is

[3:05]my favorite place in noron

[3:08]truly

[3:11]and I head north an hour and a half to a

[3:13]place called tugman it's on a

[3:17]lake um but the campground isn't though

[3:20]you would have to walk over to the lake

[3:21]you don't see the lake from the

[3:23]campgrounds I'm just in this n descript

[3:30]campsite at the front of the park next

[3:34]to five other

[3:38]volunteers so I have a whole bunch of

[3:40]new relationships to navigate

[3:44]instantly that's not counting the park

[3:46]rangers that's not counting the

[3:51]guests as a volunteer job I'm not

[3:53]getting paid for it the only benefit I

[3:56]get

[3:57]is that you know I get free camping

[4:00]which I need right now cuz I don't have

[4:02]any

[4:04]money hopefully this month I will

[4:07]straighten all that out but this has

[4:09]been a challenge I don't

[4:11]know the source of my resistance and

[4:16]trepidation about that I'm still working

[4:18]through that I'm trying to figure that

[4:20]out

[4:21]myself something

[4:24]about reintegrating with the systems

[4:27]that just suck the life right out of me

[4:29]is

[4:32]absolutely challenging for me to

[4:33]wrap my myself

[4:35]around

[4:38]cuz I don't want that old life again I

[4:41]spent all my life programming since the

[4:43]sixth grade and I look back at that and

[4:45]I asked myself

[4:47]why what was the

[4:55]point and then

[4:57]there's there's the fact that

[5:00] tomorrow is

[5:03]2025 and we get a new

[5:08]president who I understand a lot of you

[5:10]guys support but you don't see the world

[5:13]the way I do this isn't political for me

[5:15]this is just

[5:19]recognizing that what's happening to

[5:21]this world is getting

[5:22]worse we're accelerating

[5:25]it and that's scary

[5:29]if you don't see that then you're lucky

[5:32]in a

[5:33]sense because you get to just walk

[5:35]through life

[5:38]without without understanding where

[5:40]we're

[5:42]going at the same time though I don't

[5:44]know that I would want that because how

[5:46]do you prepare for something that you're

[5:48]not even facing

[5:50]directly and I've tried it's why I live

[5:52]in an RV it's why I'm on the organ Coast

[5:59]tried to face this

[6:03]directly I don't expect a bright future

[6:06]for any of us I expect starvation and

[6:10]suffering and

[6:12]death and violence a lot of

[6:21]violence and I have no

[6:24]idea where I will fit into all of

[6:27]that if I Will Survive it

[6:31]and you know all I want is just my heart

[6:33]is so open these

[6:36]days it's just connection with others

[6:40]romantic and

[6:42]otherwise it's

[6:44]like my heart open at the end of the

[6:47] world I just have

[6:52]no have no way of processing that

[6:55]because it's so ironic it's it's

[6:58]exactly what would happen to me I feel

[7:02]like I was ready to just Escape

[7:05]into the forest and then some man flirts

[7:08]with me and changes the entire

[7:10]trajectory of my life here in Oregon

[7:12]like I just I don't even know what to do

[7:14]with that honestly and so I have to

[7:17]navigate this whole new challenge and

[7:18]it's like

[7:20]okay well I'm out here and I'm fully

[7:24]awake

[7:26]now but I run out of money because it's

[7:29]is such a long Journey here

[7:31]getting here was a goddamn challenge I

[7:35]stretched myself absolutely thin to do

[7:42]it so okay I guess we're

[7:47]volunteer which you know there's a lot

[7:49]of good in that because you know

[7:52]I I see so much potential in in this

[7:56]that I'm

[7:57]not it's not just like

[8:00]not just trying to complain about it I'm

[8:02]just being real with

[8:05]myself you know I see the good and the

[8:08]bad like the absolutely terrible showers

[8:11]there there's a sign in the shower room

[8:13]that literally says turn multiple

[8:15]showers on if you want hot

[8:17]water I'm going to navigate that for up

[8:19]to 3

[8:22]months

[8:24]and you know I am a gay force of nature

[8:27]like I don't put myself in

[8:30]these these systems where where I have

[8:34]to navigate that fact and systems that

[8:37]don't really support it and systems that

[8:40]don't want

[8:41]to and I just don't know what to expect

[8:45]about this next chapter of my life so

[8:47]I'm pretty nervous about it excited and

[8:50]very very excited am nervous

[9:02]so yeah that's where I am these days we

[9:05]got one day left here I got to get my

[9:07]camper

[9:08]organized um I haven't gone to get

[9:10]propane yet for anyone

[9:12]wondering I think I will do that on

[9:16]January 1st like so first thing in the

[9:18]morning I'm going to wake up and I'll go

[9:21]do that cuz I can just park my Jeep over

[9:24]near there's this area at the park I can

[9:26]just park it somewhere and then I can

[9:28]come back for my Jeep after I take care

[9:31]of my RV tasks at least that way I'm not

[9:33]like as big of a footprint driving to do

[9:35]all this stuff I'm not trying to

[9:37]navigate all of that while also toing my

[9:40]Jeep cuz I can come back for the Jeep

[9:42]because this is the direction I got to

[9:44]head in

[9:46]so I kind of planned it out that way I

[9:49]just need to get everything prepared so

[9:51]that I can actually move

[9:52]it

[9:57]um you know and I'm going to embrace

[9:59]this with my full force like I do

[10:01]everything in life

[10:05]guys I hold all of

[10:09]it everything that I see coming all the

[10:16]patterns everything that I think I'm

[10:18]going to be experiencing and I just hold

[10:20]all of it and I do it

[10:23]anyways and I'll do it my characteristic

[10:26]joyful slash X existential

[10:32]self I'm going to sit out here for a

[10:34]while and just come in with these Stars

[10:38]if we get a little bit more warmed

[10:42]up I want to wish you a happy New Year

Summary

rswfire records a transmission from Cape Blanco on New Year's Eve at 1:00 AM, describing the black moon night sky and broken lighthouse. He reflects on leaving his favorite Oregon location the next day to start a volunteer campground position at Tugman State Park. The role provides free camping but no pay, requiring navigation of new relationships with five other volunteers and park staff. He expresses nervousness about reintegrating with systems after living independently, concerns about the incoming political administration, and expectations of future collapse including starvation and violence. Despite financial constraints from the journey to Oregon, he commits to embracing the volunteer role fully. He mentions his heart being open for connection at what he perceives as the end of the world, referencing how a man's flirtation changed his trajectory. The transmission ends with plans to organize his RV, get propane, and continue communing with the stars.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission holds the architecture of liminal passage — positioned at the edge between sovereign isolation and systemic re-engagement, using the black moon and oceanic vastness as witness to a forced but conscious transition. The field is calibrating between heart-openness and apocalyptic clarity, maintaining structural coherence while navigating institutional pressure through volunteer work as survival necessity.

Dominant Language

reintegrating with systemshold all of itgay force of natureheart open at the end of the worldface this directlyfull forcepatterns

Symbolic Elements

black moonoceanlighthousethresholdedgestarsbroken light

Ontological States

•
transitional
•
sovereign
•
vulnerable
•
coherent

Subsystems

•
cognitive
•
emotional
•
somatic
•
infrastructural
•
relational

Transmission Details

Source Type

youtube

Duration