Morning Routine and Travel Day Preparation

Early morning (6 AM) at a campsite, preparing for travel day to Cape Blanco. Speaker is outside his RV with his cat, waiting for sunrise to go shower. Financial pressures present but manageable in short term.

Energetic Signature

grounded tension

Field State

stabilization under pressure

Orientation

toward integrated wholeness

01JFDXAHT0RWPRK7065D61600T

December 18, 2024

22:34

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:01]sorry for the lighting but this is real

[0:05]life sometimes real life looks like 6 o'

[0:09]in the morning outside sitting on your

[0:12]campsite listening to your music letting

[0:15]your cat chill out

[0:17]here thinking about your

[0:20]day I wanted to start out there because

[0:23]it tells a

[0:25]story story about a man who broke free

[0:28]of containment 9 months ago

[0:31]but even in the act of breaking from

[0:33]containment he still found himself

[0:34]contained in this

[0:37]RV for many months he didn't feel

[0:40]comfortable being outside on his

[0:42]campsite just sitting there listening to

[0:45]his

[0:47]music too busy woring what other people

[0:50]might think about

[0:56]him that man doesn't exist anymore

[1:01]it's early waiting for the sun to come

[1:03]up so I can go take a

[1:06]shower um every morning I wake up and I

[1:10]ask

[1:11]myself containment or sovereignty I

[1:14]don't actually ask myself this why am I

[1:16]trying to sound profound but

[1:19]honestly that's probably the vibe that's

[1:21]the energy that I bring to every day

[1:24]today we choose

[1:25]sovereignty like the day before and the

[1:27]day before that

[1:31]want to choose it with

[1:33]me sometimes sovereignty looks

[1:38]like mundane stuff right so I got a

[1:42]bunch of dishes to do which if you live

[1:44]in a house you probably take that for

[1:46]granted it's a little different in an RV

[1:48]I actually find it very challenging

[1:51]still got to do my dishes and just do

[1:54]some light cleaning in here because

[1:56]today is a travel day today I moved to

[1:59]cap BL

[2:01]for the holidays I'll be there until

[2:03]till January

[2:05]1st and after that I'll be heading a

[2:08]little bit more North North further than

[2:11]I've been so far today I have an

[2:14]interview very hopeful and

[2:19]um optimistic that I will get this

[2:22]position it's a volunteer position where

[2:24]I'll be a volunteer host and I'll just

[2:28]be cleaning cabins

[2:31]um in exchange for a free campsite for a

[2:36]month so I'm very excited about that

[2:40]because it's a way for me to give back

[2:43]to these parks that I love so

[2:46]much um to lower my my cost of living a

[2:51]little

[2:54]bit to network with the community that's

[2:57]here

[3:01]so I'm excited about it even if it means

[3:05]cleaning

[3:07]cabins so I'll be doing that today I

[3:09]don't know exactly when I'm waiting on

[3:11]the email and then I'll um schedule a

[3:14]time to have that interview and I think

[3:16]everything will be good I've been

[3:17]emailing this person for a

[3:22]while I'm doing pretty well I I need

[3:25]work that's really

[3:28]important um my ex boss is is still

[3:31]paying me um what he owes me he's close

[3:33]to having paid me off at this point I

[3:36]have enough money that I was able to

[3:37]secure my campsite for the rest of the

[3:41]year um pay my car insurance which

[3:44]that's you know integral to my lifestyle

[3:47]it actually lapsed yesterday and I

[3:50]wasn't happy about that but I did get it

[3:53]paid

[3:56]um so yeah I'm doing pretty good

[4:02]when I get to the new campsite when I

[4:03]get to Kate Blanco I'm going to be

[4:05]putting a lot of energy into trying to

[4:07]find freelance

[4:08]work I have been avoiding

[4:11]it

[4:14]because I have been programming

[4:16]computers in sixth grade all of my life

[4:19]my last job that I had for 10 years

[4:21]burnt me out

[4:24]completely the demands that were put on

[4:26]me were not

[4:28]fair what I put those demands on myself

[4:31]if I'm

[4:33]honest I do everything with

[4:37]intensity and I need to find a better

[4:39]balance because I know that I couldn't

[4:42]sustain that again especially when I'm

[4:43]putting so much intensity into this

[4:45]lifestyle and

[4:47]hiking

[4:49]and I just need a better balance and I

[4:52]need to find the right clients but I

[4:53]don't really know what's out there I

[4:55]don't know what kind of clients there

[4:56]are what kind of projects there

[4:58]are the only way to find out is to put

[5:01]myself out there and find out I

[5:03]absolutely hate selling myself to

[5:05]strangers I hate

[5:08]that navigating relationships with them

[5:11]or you're constantly trying to get paid

[5:13]for the work you've done that's always a

[5:15]struggle been to struggle my whole life

[5:17]cuz I've been a freelancer my entire

[5:19]life and I just wanted a different

[5:21]lifestyle a different way of

[5:23]being didn't want to return to this kind

[5:25]of

[5:26]work I'm hopeful in time

[5:30]maybe I could become like a seasonal

[5:31]park ranger somewhere or do maintenance

[5:33]at the parks or just something like

[5:36]that um I might need some more time and

[5:39]I've run out of money so going to do

[5:42]what I need to

[5:43]do clean

[5:45]shaving it looks pretty

[5:49]good so I'm growing my hair outed I'm

[5:51]growing my hair out it's watching the

[5:53]other day I was watching Valyrian and

[5:55]the City of a thousand planets and I

[5:57]like that guy's haircut I'll pick paste

[5:59]a picture of it up here let you see it I

[6:02]don't know if it'll look good on me but

[6:04]I think there might be apps out there I

[6:06]was thinking about it where you can

[6:08]upload a picture of yourself and then

[6:09]just give yourself different hairstyles

[6:11]see how they look I'm going to try that

[6:13]but I want to grow it out make it go

[6:14]like this AI tells me that to do that

[6:17]first your hair comes straight down

[6:19]and'll get in your eyes and then like

[6:20]there's a stage that's kind of awkward

[6:22]and then um and then it will start doing

[6:26]the wavy thing so I don't know we'll see

[6:29]you know take like 6 months so maybe by

[6:32]summer um so I want to ask the women out

[6:36]there I'm a gay man is getting older

[6:39]starting to see wrinkles around his eyes

[6:42]and stuff what do you recommend I do cuz

[6:44]these can't these are not acceptable to

[6:46]me what do I do about it see look at

[6:48]that I can't I can't deal with that so

[6:52]what do I do how do I fix that problem

[6:56]without makeup

[6:57]right um

[7:01]yeah it's okay to be a little bit Shadow

[7:03]about your

[7:04]appearance just put it into perspective

[7:07]though you can't you can't fight aging I

[7:09]mean you can try I guess but it's going

[7:11]to win in the end I guess fight against

[7:14]it anyways so

[7:16]right

[7:18]so yeah it's time to get to the shower

[7:21]I'm still waiting for the oh I think

[7:22]it's coming

[7:25]up it's going to be a busy

[7:27]day shall we head down to the

[7:31]shower this one's not so far like K

[7:34]Blanco get my exercise in from cap

[7:37]Blanco won't be there today

[7:39]though oh I'm drinking Mountain View

[7:42]today not all the time though I want to

[7:44]be clear I actually making fire water

[7:45]now I'm making water with electrolyte

[7:47]salts and I'm putting chili powder in it

[7:49]it's amazing by the way it's

[7:52]awesome but I still need a few

[7:54]ingredients to make it perfect

[8:02]very short

[8:04]walk I'm feeling pretty good

[8:08]today my corn muscles are definitely

[8:11]getting

[8:12]better there's quite a few people here I

[8:14]don't know how they show up I don't even

[8:17]notice it's

[8:20]crazy so yeah so this isn't my favorite

[8:24]shower I like the one next to it but

[8:25]it's dirty as hell because some people

[8:27]just don't know how to be respectful pH

[8:29]shared spaces I swear I deal with this

[8:31]almost every day like you'd be amazed

[8:37]how disgusting people are all right let

[8:41]me show you what my hyene routine looks

[8:43]like here you can tell me if I can

[8:45]improve any of it I wash my hair

[8:49]twice wash my face with

[8:53]this put conditioner in I keep it in

[8:56]then clean myself

[8:59]and I rinse it all off including the

[9:02][Music]

[9:04]conditioner put that deodorant on first

[9:06]let that one like Sit Them INE then put

[9:08]this one on cuz it smells good use that

[9:12]spray both of these obsessions male and

[9:14]female on

[9:15]me

[9:17]face and

[9:19]eyes I noticed the other day I feel like

[9:22]I got these little bumps in my eye I'm

[9:24]wondering if that stuff is not good for

[9:26]me I got other stuff in the RV

[9:30]been spraying this on too after I um

[9:33]this some kind of conditioner St I don't

[9:35]think it's helping cuz my hair feels

[9:37]kind of

[9:38]dry and if I'm going to grow my hair out

[9:40]I need it to look nice I'll obviously

[9:43]ask AI but you know what women know this

[9:46] so help me

[9:47]out so not everyone is like me of course

[9:50]but for those who are I want you I want

[9:52]to help you feel

[9:55]seen this took time all these different

[9:58]products I use they didn't come

[9:59]naturally to

[10:02]me literally every single thing was a

[10:05]process building on something that I had

[10:07]already learned to do to integrate into

[10:10]my

[10:11]life creating a

[10:13]routine that involves a dozen different

[10:17]things that doesn't just happen you can

[10:20]make a list and try to make yourself do

[10:21]it every day but it's just not it's not

[10:24]how I work so I integrated one thing at

[10:26]a time there's other things I want to do

[10:28]I want to get some lotion and put that

[10:30]on me every day and I haven't done that

[10:32]yet but that's that's next you know

[10:34]because I'm always thinking

[10:36]ahead I'm always thinking

[10:39]about what can I do

[10:42]next why you to feel seen just

[10:45]because it's challenging doesn't mean

[10:48]you can't get there I don't know if this

[10:50]stuff helps

[10:51]I'm going on decided about it we going

[10:55]to do it anyways

[10:59]trying to take care of myself these days

[11:01]there was a time in my life I don't

[11:03]think I tried very

[11:06]hard I want you to think about what I

[11:08]share with you on this channel because I

[11:09]started this

[11:12]video sharing my growth with you where I

[11:15]had where I had grown as a human being

[11:17]I've shared my

[11:19]challenges

[11:21]um I don't fragment any of it all of it

[11:24]is part of my wholeness I I hold all of

[11:27]it

[11:29]some people want to tell you that's

[11:31]wrong they want to tell you to be kind

[11:32]to yourself things like

[11:34]this I don't agree with that

[11:38]mentality embrace all of it find joy in

[11:41]all of it because I I I do you can

[11:44]too you understand what they're saying

[11:46]when they tell you to be kind to

[11:47]yourself they're telling you to soften

[11:50]your truth to fragment

[11:53]yourself to take something that you see

[11:56]something that's real and to make it

[11:58]smaller don't ever do that that's how

[12:01]people end up the way they

[12:03]are ladies get yourself a pocket knife

[12:06]this thing goes with me

[12:10]everywhere as a gay man I don't tress

[12:12]straight men and I know you don't either

[12:14]so get yourself a pocket knife don't

[12:15]rely on keys or whatever carry it with

[12:18]you everywhere be prepared to use it

[12:20]think about what you would do when when

[12:22]that time came I do all the

[12:25]time my camera turned itself off on

[12:27]while I was just looking at myself

[12:31]a little more clean shaving than I

[12:33]expected to

[12:35]be yeah oh I need my

[12:38]keys we're going to go for a short

[12:42]walk it's early it's 800 in the

[12:45]morning I don't want to push myself too

[12:48]hard because I do have a long day it's a

[12:50]travel day and all that my course seems

[12:53]okay though and I don't want

[12:56]to um

[13:00]be too still I feel like movement's

[13:04]important

[13:05]also so anyways I was just

[13:09]thinking society's collapsing which

[13:12]means men are going to become more

[13:14]violent you need to be ready for

[13:17]that see that's the thing about me I

[13:19]don't compartmentalize anything I remain

[13:23]aware of

[13:24]everything don't fracture

[13:27]myself can still be joyful can still

[13:30]care about my skin my

[13:33]appearance and acknowledge

[13:37]that we have violence in our

[13:41]futures

[13:43]so yeah let's go see what maybe I can

[13:46]get to the beach today I don't

[13:48]know so let me share the hardest truth

[13:51]I'm holding right

[13:53]now I don't want to abandon my cat

[13:56]Bailey

[14:00]thought about it for

[14:02]months I would do it responsibly I would

[14:05]take him somewhere there's a place in

[14:06]Gold Beach that I think would take him

[14:08]need to go see them and make

[14:12]sure and it is abandonment even if you

[14:15]do it responsibly I won't soften the

[14:17]truth I raise this cat from

[14:20]birth I love

[14:24]him living with him in this RV is an

[14:27]absolute challenge every day

[14:32]and I don't know how to get him back to

[14:33]my mom that's thousands of miles away I

[14:36]looked

[14:38]into sending him on an airplane it

[14:41]didn't get very far with that I think

[14:42]it's probably cost a lot to

[14:45]you and my mom doesn't really want him

[14:50]so I don't want to abandon my C but I

[14:53]can't live with him

[15:01]that's the truth I'm living with right

[15:04]now I'm going to go see the beach and

[15:06]made it down here I don't know I even

[15:08]question of course I

[15:13]did some bug Mountain

[15:17]there I love that mount so

[15:22]much it just sits there right on the

[15:24]edge of the

[15:26]ocean all by itself it's sovere

[15:31]Mountain you drive down that 101 and you

[15:33]see that thing and it's it's a

[15:37]presence absolutely love that

[15:48]moment it's going to be a good day I

[15:51]feel a little bit down now I guess

[15:52]talking about my cat but I mean it's a

[15:55]reality I have to do something about it

[15:58]cuz it's not working

[15:59]working I've tried everything that cat

[16:02]is so hard to to manage to deal with he

[16:05]has constant friction he's the last

[16:07]remaining thing for my old life I feel

[16:10]held back by

[16:11]him none of it's his fault he's just a

[16:18]cat he doesn't have enough space you

[16:21]know I could start rationalizing at this

[16:24]way he deserves a house I

[16:27]guess but you you know it's not

[16:30]nothing's that simple that's not real

[16:33]life when you do that because that can

[16:35]be true and also what can be true is

[16:37]that that cat is exactly where he wants

[16:39]to

[16:41]be you have to hold all of

[16:45]it and sit with it

[16:51]until until you've integrated all of it

[16:54]and

[16:55]then your actions will follow that

[17:01]not doing anything today it's travel day

[17:04]I've got a lot to

[17:06]do I might go to Gold Beach tomorrow I

[17:08]don't know

[17:12]yet love them a lot though

[18:36]for

[19:17][Music]

[19:23][Music]

[20:05][Music]

[20:24][Music]

[20:40][Music]

[20:55][Music]

[21:08][Music]

[21:24][Music]

[21:38]sh

[21:42][Music]

[22:03][Music]

[22:31]I love this

Summary

rswfire records an early morning transmission from his campsite, reflecting on his transformation from containment to sovereignty over 9 months. He sits outside his RV at 6 AM with his cat, preparing for a travel day to Cape Blanco where he'll stay through January 1st. He discusses an upcoming volunteer host interview for cleaning cabins in exchange for free camping, his financial situation with his ex-boss still paying what's owed, and his reluctance to return to freelance programming work despite needing income.

He shows his detailed hygiene routine in the campground shower, discussing hair growth plans and skincare concerns. The transmission includes his philosophy of not fragmenting experiences and holding all truths simultaneously. He reveals his most difficult current struggle: considering abandoning his cat Bailey due to the challenges of RV living, though he raised the cat from birth and loves him. The video concludes with scenic footage of the Oregon coast and Hug Point Mountain.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission demonstrates architectural coherence under multiple system pressures - financial constraint, relational complexity, and identity maintenance. The field holds contradictory truths simultaneously without fragmentation: sovereignty alongside vulnerability, care alongside potential abandonment, mundane maintenance alongside existential awareness.

Dominant Language

sovereigntycontainmentfragmentationwholenessintegrationtruthabandonment

Symbolic Elements

mountainedgethresholdmirrorbladecontainer

Ontological States

•
sovereign
•
transitional
•
coherent
•
pressured

Subsystems

•
cognitive
•
ethical
•
somatic
•
relational
•
infrastructural

Transmission Details

Source Type

local

Video Quality

1920 × 1080 @ 30fps

Duration

22:34

Bitrate

2576 kbps

Codec

avc1.640028