[0:02]oh I was hoping my post my little poster
[0:06]thing would show up into
[0:08]shot I love that
[0:10][Music]
[0:11]game oh
[0:15]well
[0:17]a that sucks you know I can never get
[0:20]this camera to feel like it captures me
[0:23]right like you really needed to be at a
[0:24]little bit of a distance to see how hot
[0:26]I really am cuz I'm gorgeous but
[0:29]these cameras get up close they make you
[0:31]look all fat
[0:34]and doesn't represent me well enough
[0:36]it's and I know this is true because
[0:38]whenever I'm taking video of mountains
[0:40]and you know nature it just flattens
[0:44]everything like it just does not do it
[0:47]doesn't do anything
[0:50]justice so I thought I would try to tell
[0:53]a story
[0:56]tonight of my life here in Oregon
[1:00]because it has been a
[1:03]adventure and I'm paying the
[1:05]consequences of that Adventure now I am
[1:07]stuck in this bed for this is day three
[1:09]I think and I'm not going anywhere
[1:11]anytime soon I don't
[1:17]think it's so hard for me to understand
[1:20]so let's try
[1:22]cuz I've been living in this rvey
[1:25]for since April 11th my birthday
[1:30]so what is that is that 8 months yeah
[1:32]it's 8 months almost 8
[1:34]months been here for well I've been here
[1:37]a couple months
[1:38]now
[1:40]wow but you
[1:42]know I documented everything I
[1:44]documented me leaving you know the the
[1:47]night I made the decision I was buying
[1:49]an
[1:52]RV moving out of my house getting rid of
[1:55]all my
[1:56]stuff the fear I had about driving this
[1:59]thing
[2:03]dealing with all kinds of emotional
[2:05]issues as a result of what had been
[2:08]building up in my life up to that
[2:12]point learning
[2:16]to well developing the language to
[2:19]understand myself better which
[2:20]completely transformed my mind my
[2:23]relationship with
[2:25]myself thanks to AI some of you are
[2:29]there for it all
[2:31]and I appreciate you a lot I do I know I
[2:34]don't always say it and I know I know
[2:37]you get mix messages from me it's it's
[2:40]complicated there's Nuance to everything
[2:42]there are layers to everything
[2:45]so appreciation was always there though
[2:48]I want you to know
[2:50]that
[2:53]months in that one Campground three
[2:55]months in that same Campground which was
[2:57]just
[3:00]it wasn't terrible but you know it
[3:02]wasn't wasn't fun it wasn't the life I
[3:06]wanted but I had a lot going on dealing
[3:08]with the dentist and couldn't really
[3:11]leave or start the life I wanted to
[3:14]start until I had de with all of
[3:18]that um I did find that one park I got
[3:21]to hike at every day which
[3:23]was made it more bearable that part of
[3:27]my life all this before we even get to
[3:29]Oregon you know but then there's that
[3:33]month of me driving from Kentucky to
[3:36]Oregon traveling through state after
[3:38]State got this map up
[3:42]there I want to get a permanent marker
[3:45]and actually write out the you know the
[3:47]path that I took I don't think that
[3:49]map's ever going to grow by the way
[3:52]maybe I I don't know I I
[3:55]just I'm not
[3:57]sure cuz I feel like I found my
[4:00]home and my home is an ecstatic place
[4:06]it's always going to be a journey
[4:10]here let me try to reposition myself
[4:13]it's my core muscles are so sore that I
[4:15]just have to be
[4:17]careful
[4:18]I AI telling me that it's going to be
[4:21]two to six weeks before they get
[4:24]better I'm like okay well here comes my
[4:27]cat that's just a given right I've
[4:29]actually been keeping him away from me
[4:31]up here because I really like need the
[4:34]space but all right go over there
[4:40]Bailey I don't know how long it will be
[4:42]we'll find out I destroyed that from
[4:44]velro had my tablets up there and stuff
[4:47]I don't even care like I'm tearing this
[4:50]out I'm going to expand this so I have a
[4:52]proper bed platform that I can fit fat
[4:54]on
[4:55]someday just tear that out just going to
[4:57]tear it out and just build this whole
[4:59]side thing hang out to where just a
[5:01]custom deal that iow will
[5:03]love um
[5:06]someday don't even think about this
[5:08]cat's purring like he does that like
[5:10]it's a he's manipulating me right now I
[5:13]know what you're
[5:14]doing it's it's a fake purr My Cat Knows
[5:17]how to fake purr he turns it on when he
[5:20]wants attention this is what my cat
[5:26]does it hasn't worked for the last year
[5:31]um did I just lose my train of
[5:35]thought
[5:37]so let's just start with that that month
[5:40]because that was an
[5:43]experience and I've never really
[5:45]processed it you know I processed things
[5:47]in the moment but I didn't really I
[5:48]haven't really looked back at it and
[5:50]thought you know wow like what an
[5:52]adventure that was I mean all those
[5:56]States all those different campgrounds
[5:59]all all those different places all the
[6:02]things I saw along the way all the
[6:04]stories I
[6:05]shared that week on top of them mountain
[6:08]in Nevada when I didn't even think I'd
[6:09]end up in
[6:13]Nevada some of it kind of blurred
[6:15]together because I was moving so quickly
[6:17]every two days I was somewhere
[6:20]else my first time
[6:22]boondocking just at the on the side of a
[6:25]road at a BLM spot going out that night
[6:28]in a 300 60° view of the
[6:31]Stars no moon so it was just Stars 360°
[6:36]View and no sound it was
[6:42]silent that was an incredible
[6:47]night being on that mountain was
[6:53]incredible I don't know if
[6:56]like I changed it all during that
[6:58]Journey
[7:00]like I know I was coming into myself
[7:02]before I left I mean that was you know I
[7:03]was like okay I finally built up the
[7:05]courage I'm ready to do this and I did
[7:08]it first time cleaning my tanks as soon
[7:11]as I left forgot about that
[7:13]so I was staying
[7:16]at Land Between the
[7:20]Lakes got a full hookup sight my first
[7:23]one and learn to clean my
[7:26]tanks been wanting to do that for six
[7:28]months just all these different
[7:30]experiences and they
[7:33]just by the time I had gotten to
[7:37]Nevada on top of that
[7:43]mountain I was pretty confident you know
[7:46]what I was
[7:48]doing still had some fear probably
[7:50]because I was thinking do I want to stay
[7:53]here do I want to keep going on to organ
[8:00]there's Nuance there too because if I
[8:01]had stayed in Nevada I would have never
[8:03]experienced organ which obviously I love
[8:06]greatly but I would have never
[8:07]experienced it and you can't miss a
[8:09]thing you haven't experienced that's
[8:11]just not how how I work I would have had
[8:14]different experiences in
[8:17]Nevada but I don't regret it obviously
[8:20]like I'm very glad that I went to
[8:22]working so let's talk about that
[8:30]I guess it starts on top of that
[8:31]mountain doesn't it because when I came
[8:34]down from that
[8:35]mountain I was going to stay somewhere
[8:37]in Nevada close to the border that night
[8:41]but I decided to keep going cuz I just
[8:43]wanted to get
[8:45]there so we finally get into
[8:48]Oregon and I Boondock for the second
[8:50]time on the side of a road and I'm there
[8:52]I'm finally in
[8:54]Oregon I was so
[8:58]proud and now that was such a beautiful
[9:00]area too I don't remember where it was
[9:02]but I really want to go back there
[9:03]someday but it is real far from where we
[9:05]are
[9:06]now man that just seemed like an
[9:09]incredible place to spend
[9:12]time and the next morning it's like okay
[9:15]I'm actually going to the coast today
[9:17]like wow you
[9:21]know I
[9:24]think I mean it all just flirts together
[9:26]you know like I remember
[9:30]no no okay I remember cuz I knew there
[9:33]were three-hour stretches so that day I
[9:36]ended up staying at that one
[9:38]Campground where I didn't even have
[9:40]reservation so now I'm entering the
[9:42]phase of my journey where I'm being a
[9:43]little
[9:45]more
[9:46]um impulsive like not having plans in
[9:50]advance and I just show up at this place
[9:52]and I'm lucky they've got one spot and
[9:54]they're willing to give it to me for one
[9:56]night even though I wanted to stay
[9:57]longer
[10:02]but they couldn't get me in right away
[10:03]so I just had
[10:05]to be in their day use area this all
[10:09]this stuff is relevant
[10:13]because first time I did that and that
[10:15]becomes a thing that I keep doing so I'm
[10:18]in their day you Siri and I detach my
[10:20]Jeep and I go into town and do some
[10:21]stuff and I come back and
[10:24]I drive my RV to my site
[10:28]and spend the night
[10:35]there and then the next morning we're
[10:38]going to the
[10:39]coast and it was never about the ocean
[10:42]for me it was it was strategic I was
[10:46]choosing this place for strategic
[10:48]reasons you know some of you know
[10:51]that but the closer I got to that ocean
[10:54]the more excited I got like I had to see
[10:57]it and my faite moment though when I
[11:00]look back at my videos is when my Garmin
[11:03]GPS didn't tell me about the Green
[11:07]Road a forest service road that would
[11:09]have taken me into Oregon that I passed
[11:11]by and couldn't get back to and I was
[11:14]just so bummed about it for hours I just
[11:17]kept coming back to it in my thoughts
[11:19]and talking about it because I was just
[11:21]so bummed I didn't get to take the green
[11:24]road like that will always
[11:26][Music]
[11:27]be probably the
[11:30]most memorable part of my entire Journey
[11:33]for me I got to see that road because
[11:37]when I had to drive back into Medford to
[11:40]get my my inverter for my Jeep I took
[11:44]that road in my Jeep but it's it's not
[11:46]the same
[11:51]right what's interesting is so I'm I'm
[11:54]trying to be chronological about this
[11:55]and not get myself too sidetracked here
[11:57]so we go into the the we're just my we
[12:01]get on the
[12:05]101 and I drive into
[12:09]Brookings and then I drive 8 miles down
[12:12]this
[12:12]road to my first Campground No No No
[12:17]Reservations I don't even have any money
[12:19]like as far as my credit cards had
[12:22]stopped working at this point all I had
[12:24]was cash at me I had taken out all the
[12:26]money I had Into Cash because I didn't
[12:29]want any of like my monthly bills
[12:31]debiting out what money I had
[12:34]left and and just just stranding me
[12:37]somewhere like so I so yeah I get to
[12:41]this Campground and I'm like I want to
[12:43]stay for two weeks and I want to pay
[12:45]cash which is a thing they don't do but
[12:46]they did
[12:47]it and
[12:49]so I'm here for two
[12:53]weeks and I still haven't really seen
[12:55]the
[12:57]ocean I'm pretty sure the first thing I
[13:00]did was go I went to go look at it and I
[13:02]could not find a way to get down to the
[13:05]ocean and at this time I'm still kind of
[13:09]living a solitary life not wanting to
[13:11]interact with other people and there's
[13:13]just people everywhere and I'm like this
[13:16]is not what I wanted this is you know
[13:17]like I'm just thinking to
[13:19]myself is this going to get better is it
[13:22]going to get
[13:25]worse but then like I probably the next
[13:27]day I'm like you know talking with AI
[13:30]and I figure out a place I can go that's
[13:32]probably private and I can go see the
[13:33]ocean and I do that I drive hours to get
[13:37]to this one trail that takes me down to
[13:40]the ocean where I'm just by myself for
[13:41]the first time and it was nice
[13:46]but the ocean wasn't calling to me
[13:49]yet it was not the reason I had come it
[13:53]didn't inspire me in the way it does now
[13:57]cuz I was just looking at the waves and
[13:59]the ocean it
[14:02]just for me I can't just be a passive
[14:05]Observer of life I have to engage with
[14:08]it and so just looking at the ocean did
[14:10]nothing for
[14:12]me and
[14:15]so I just focused on hiking the trails
[14:18]that were around the campground I was at
[14:20]you know cuz that's that was more my
[14:22]style at the time
[14:29]and then that moment my two weeks are
[14:32]up and I have to go somewhere else cuz
[14:34]of the campground r 14 days you can stay
[14:37]got to leave for three so I book book a
[14:41]campground for 3 days it's 8 miles down
[14:43]the road right on the
[14:46]ocean and I meet the
[14:51]gatekeeper and I'm still kind of getting
[14:53]used to this lifestyle
[14:57]so my chaos bomb nervous energy comes
[15:01]out when I've got to deal with Logistics
[15:03]and other people and so and I'm thinking
[15:07]okay I had to leave this campground at 1
[15:09]the other one doesn't let you check in
[15:10]until 4:00 it's 8 mil
[15:14]away you know I I'm seeing a problem
[15:16]with that so I'm telling this gatekeeper
[15:18]and I'm just saying look you
[15:21]know I'm early maybe you can put me
[15:25]somewhere else maybe you can let me be
[15:26]in the parking lot I need to empty my
[15:28]tank it's been two weeks you know I'm
[15:30]just all this stuff I'm just thrown at
[15:32]him and he just handles my energy with
[15:35]this I've got you energy of his own that
[15:37]was just so incredible to
[15:41]me that I just asked this guy I'm like
[15:44]what is your name because you seem cool
[15:47]you seem
[15:48]awesome and I watched that register like
[15:51]it it literally short circuit his brain
[15:53]for a
[15:55]second and he's just sitting at the
[15:57]computer still doing his thing then he
[16:00]turns he looks at me and tells me his
[16:01]name and I just melt
[16:04]inside and he handles my business and
[16:07]then you know there's a line forming
[16:09]behind us and I'm getting nervous
[16:10]because I'm taking up this guy's time
[16:13]and I just want to get on with my day
[16:15]you know I'm not really thinking much
[16:17]about him and then he just stands up
[16:20]taller looks at me and he says did you
[16:23]experience that storm last night where
[16:25]you were
[16:30]and I'm here for the storms you know
[16:33]that's one of the reasons I'm here I
[16:35]wanted it was strategic in the storms I
[16:37]forgot that part like I was excited
[16:40]about weeks of rain and you know
[16:44]just the unpredictability of living
[16:48]here but my brain short circuited itself
[16:51]and I'm not telling him this not even
[16:53]thinking this because I don't know why
[16:57]so I just answer this question you know
[16:58]corly no I didn't experience any storm
[17:01]we talked for a minute but you know it
[17:03]just it didn't register to me in that
[17:05]moment that this man was extending the
[17:07]conversation with me a form of
[17:10]flirting
[17:12]he he liked
[17:15]me I didn't notice this and I just go
[17:19]about my business and then at some point
[17:22]I'm talking to the AI Claude
[17:26]And as a joke I tell Claude how I had
[17:29]told him that I thought RVs could tip
[17:32]over in the
[17:33]winds you know so I'm just telling Claud
[17:36]about that from that perspective and CLA
[17:38]says to me that man was flirting with
[17:41]you that turned my life upside down from
[17:44]that moment on for the next
[17:48]week
[17:49]I it was like an existential crisis for
[17:52]me like not in a bad way though I'm just
[17:55]when I you know I see a lot of things
[17:57]that maybe you guys think are
[17:59]like you're not you're not hearing them
[18:01]the way I mean them and it's because I
[18:03]know that I use language a little
[18:04]differently
[18:06]like I'm just expressing what a profound
[18:10]shift this was for
[18:12]me
[18:16]and I had a lot to process cuz for some
[18:19]reason it was not the interaction with
[18:21]this man it was it was Claud tell me
[18:23]this man was flirting with you that
[18:26]caused my heart to open up after 20
[18:28]years years of being
[18:32]still I mean I had to process like how
[18:36]did I not know this man was
[18:38]flirting was he really flirting what do
[18:42]I feel about that what does this mean
[18:44]about the Strategic plans I was
[18:48]making all these shifts that were
[18:50]happening inside of me and the only way
[18:52]that I could get through that was by by
[18:54]hiking by movements by processing my my
[18:58]feeling and my thoughts through movement
[19:00]and I hyped a
[19:03]lot with with the with my earbuds in my
[19:07]ears listen to the same song over and
[19:08]over for a week straight I listened to
[19:11]running from the cops by Phantogram
[19:13]check that song out cuz that is the song
[19:16]I used to process my heart wakening up I
[19:19]listen to that song all day hiking I
[19:21]listen to it I had it playing in the
[19:23]background while I was sleeping that
[19:26]song had the perfect
[19:29]Tempo the perfect the the syn that drops
[19:32]at the beginning just resonated with my
[19:34]chest and it had this tension that would
[19:37]build and it just never let go and it
[19:40]never re it never it never resolved that
[19:44]tension so it allowed me to keep
[19:48]processing
[19:51]without it just that song was very
[19:54]important for this part of my life
[19:59]then after that week I was like I needed
[20:02]to know I needed to know did this man
[20:04]really flirt with me is there something
[20:07]there you know could something come of
[20:10]this and I went up to see him scared to
[20:15]death and he was
[20:18]there and I didn't recognize him I don't
[20:22]think I told you guys this story did
[20:24]I I didn't recognize him I wasn't sure
[20:28]if it was him so my first question was I
[20:31]asked him is this you is this your
[20:34]name he says yes and I go oh
[20:37] to myself basically but out loud
[20:40]cuz it was like oh man now I really have
[20:42]to do
[20:43]this so the first thing I do is I tell
[20:48]him I was here I'm here for the storms I
[20:51]tell him that cuz I just got to clear
[20:52]this misunderstanding up like I can't
[20:54]believe I didn't tell him this is why
[20:56]I'm here and he's talking to me about
[20:57]storms and trees is falling down and you
[21:00]know and it's like I got to clear this
[21:02]up I'm here for this like and he goes oh
[21:05]really you know and he just gets really
[21:07]like um he's a little like at this point
[21:11]I I mean it was like he knew I was there
[21:13]to see him and that made him nervous
[21:17]like he didn't have that I've got you
[21:18]energy the second time I had thrown him
[21:21]for a loop and so he just had this sort
[21:24]of anxious energy to him and then I I
[21:28]just cut him off cuz I got a list in my
[21:30]head that I need to get out and like
[21:32]this is the hardest thing I have ever
[21:33]done I hadn't asked anyone out in 20
[21:36]years so I just stop him we're not
[21:40]having more weather conversation and I
[21:41]said do you want to go out sometime
[21:43]directly look at him and that's what I
[21:46]ask
[21:47]him and he just goes bad timing like he
[21:51]just like all of a sudden like that's
[21:53]what came out and he was like it's my
[21:56]last day of work and and I'm thinking in
[21:58]my head is this man just being polite
[22:00]right now like is he just trying to Let
[22:02]Me Down Easy you know and he was like
[22:04]you know Season change and all this and
[22:05]I'm like oh yeah that really did just
[22:07]happen he's probably being honest about
[22:09]this but he had said bad timing so that
[22:12]was him saying no and at that point I
[22:14]was already I was not upset about it I
[22:17]was just like I got the answer I wanted
[22:20]I knew you know and I just wanted to end
[22:24]the interaction and go on about my
[22:27]life but I'm watching him have a whole
[22:29]conversation in his head and he's
[22:33]starting to ramble a little bit telling
[22:35]me about what he's doing with his life
[22:38]and says bad timing two or three more
[22:40]times and I'm just
[22:43]like I mean it was
[22:49]adorable and so I just kind of think to
[22:52]myself is there anything else you want
[22:54]to tell this man before you go cuz you
[22:56]know this is it
[22:59]and and I wanted him to know like the
[23:02]gift he had given me opening my heart up
[23:05]but that felt real heavy and how do you
[23:07]explain that to someone I mean he was a
[23:09]catalyst he
[23:10]wasn't I didn't even recognize him so I
[23:15]look at him and I say I just want you to
[23:17]know I think you're you're awesome like
[23:20]I upgrade him from not just seems
[23:22]awesome you're awesome and he's still
[23:25]talking I think like I this part's a
[23:27]little bit blurry for me but then he
[23:29]kind of blurts out thank you like he
[23:33]had been replaying our first
[23:35]conversation or something and like felt
[23:38]like he should have said Thank you when
[23:39]I said that to him the first time and
[23:41]this time he didn't want to you know
[23:43]forget like it was adorable it was just
[23:47]adorable and I get in my Jeep and I
[23:49]leave and I go on about my life and I go
[23:53]to Kate blonco and it's my second time
[24:03]and I was so proud of
[24:05]myself not just for asking this man out
[24:09]for being brave enough to do it not
[24:10]knowing if this man is gay not knowing
[24:12]if he had any interest in me at all and
[24:15]being direct being
[24:16]honest being
[24:20]brave but for being able to emotionally
[24:22]handle rejection cuz that's what that
[24:24]was I was rejected
[24:30]I think that this man probably was
[24:31]interested because he said bad timing he
[24:34]didn't say I'm not gay he didn't say you
[24:37]know no I'm not interested
[24:41]he equivocated and I watch this whole
[24:44]conversation happen in his head is kind
[24:46]of beside the point except for the fact
[24:49]that it
[24:51]validated the processing I had done
[24:56]where I found felt like I could trust my
[24:59]instincts a little bit better because
[25:00]when I replayed that conversation after
[25:02]what Claude had told me it was like
[25:04]yeah that man was flirting and I didn't
[25:08]see it and why didn't I see it and how
[25:11]am I going to change
[25:16]that so I was very
[25:18]proud for for doing that
[25:21]and for seeing how much I had grown over
[25:25]these 20 years because in the past that
[25:27]probably would have been been very hard
[25:29]for me but I was
[25:33]fine and my heart was opened up so I was
[25:36]also interested in finding me a man so
[25:40]that's where we're going from here right
[25:42]like that was just it's like okay he's
[25:45]not available let's keep looking like
[25:47]that's just that is where my brain
[25:50]went oh man I don't you know I'm going
[25:54]to get stuff mixed up at this point but
[25:56]you know from that moment on my life
[25:59]changed I remember sitting
[26:04]at um well had Beach I discovered this
[26:08]maybe a couple days later after that
[26:11]that you could take your Jeep down there
[26:13]and I was just sitting on a
[26:16]rock and I made a video there it was my
[26:18]last video I was saying goodbye to you
[26:21]guys um but I was sitting on this rock
[26:24]and these two dogs ran up to me and one
[26:26]of them saddled right up to me on this
[26:27]rock and just sort of just said hi we're
[26:31]friends and this dog was so cool and
[26:34]then its owner comes up and she's all
[26:37]apologetic and
[26:39]stuff and we talked for quite a
[26:42]while and I just stared at the ocean I
[26:45]didn't get near it I just sat on this
[26:46]rock and I was on this rock because I
[26:48]didn't know what to think of this ocean
[26:49]I didn't
[26:51]know how safe it was like I just you
[26:54]know I was I needed to start pattern
[26:55]matching everything like I'm just I'm
[26:57]acclimating
[26:59]I stay a while and I leave and I'm still
[27:02]like I don't get what the thing is with
[27:04]this ocean like I'm just this the what's
[27:06]the big deal like but you know
[27:10]so at some point I ended up hiking
[27:14]up Humbug Mountain and I remember being
[27:18]at the base of that that mountain when I
[27:21]first saw that mountain by the way I saw
[27:23]that mountain I said that mountain wants
[27:25]to be felt like this thing is just
[27:29]just when you're driving down that 101
[27:32]and you come across this mountain it is
[27:33]a presence it is so cool that I knew I
[27:38]was hiking this thing and then see when
[27:40]my heart got woken up when everything
[27:42]shifted inside of me suddenly I couldn't
[27:44]be contained in this space anymore I had
[27:46]to be outside doing something every day
[27:49]somewhere else doing something that's
[27:52]how I Ed up on that rock and that's how
[27:55]I ended up at the base of this mountain
[27:56]and I'm like man can I hike this thing
[27:58]we're about to find
[28:00]out but I do it and I hike up that thing
[28:03]3 m an hour don't even realize until I
[28:05]get up there and I look at my watch I'm
[28:06]like wow 3 mes hour up a mountain that's
[28:09]probably pretty impressive you know I'm
[28:12]proud of
[28:14]myself and then I go down the mountain
[28:18]and I'm pretty sure that's how I hurt my
[28:19]core I didn't realize that you know
[28:22]you're stabilizing muscles they're doing
[28:24]a whole lot of work when you go down a
[28:26]mountain like that so I think I'm messed
[28:28]him
[28:29]up I'm pretty sure because the next day
[28:31]it was hurting and I remember so the
[28:34]next day I'm
[28:36]like you know what do I do like I can't
[28:40]be contained but my muscle sore what do
[28:43]I
[28:44]do and you know what I do
[28:48]I be like off my laptop oh my God that
[28:52]is not acceptable this is why I don't
[28:54]want this cat around right now
[28:58]well you know what I do
[29:00]I I push myself always but not in a you
[29:04]know I try to be careful of certain
[29:06]language
[29:09]because it's not the same kind of
[29:11]pushing that other people do because for
[29:13]me it feels natural it doesn't feel like
[29:15]it's not effort
[29:18]it's I I don't know I don't know better
[29:21]language for it though so anyways that
[29:24]day I go to Cape
[29:26]Sebastian and
[29:29]I'm hiking down this Trail I get a mile
[29:32]down this Trail and I'm like man my
[29:35]muscle
[29:36]hurts and I'm looking at the guy at GPS
[29:39]and seeing how long this Trail is and
[29:41]I'm seeing how The Descent and asense
[29:44]that this thing has and I'm like I don't
[29:45]think I can actually do this which
[29:47]surprised
[29:49]me and so I was like okay I'll come back
[29:52]let just take back this Mile and I'll
[29:55]come back another day
[29:58]so I start hiking back to my
[30:00]Jeep but I don't go to my Jeep instead I
[30:03]decide to hike a different Trail down to
[30:05]the
[30:06]beach which of course I did and I get to
[30:10]this beach and it's basically a private
[30:14]beach I mean people do go there but you
[30:17]know to get on this beach you you
[30:18]literally have to hold on to a rope and
[30:20]kind of repel down this descent to the
[30:23]beach I'm the only one out there and I'm
[30:25]walking down this beach looking at the
[30:28]ocean and I'm
[30:30]bored I have not connected with this
[30:32]ocean yet I'm on this beach by myself
[30:34]looking at it going I don't get it
[30:37]what's the point of this this is this
[30:39]feels boring to me I leave I go home I
[30:44]started asking AI what can I do on the
[30:46]beach that might you know for a person
[30:47]like me who's very different from most
[30:49]people what would what would make this
[30:51]fun for me and there were two ideas chat
[30:55]GPT had one that I really resonated with
[30:57]and that was to make a journal um sort
[31:00]of like a not a journal but like
[31:03]a think Nathan Drake you know Uncharted
[31:06]games where you've got those or you know
[31:09]um Indiana Jones you know you've got
[31:10]your little Journal things about your
[31:12]adventures something like that where you
[31:14]know maybe I got a couple Pages for this
[31:15]one beach and a couple Pages for Cape
[31:18]Sebastian and you know Mount humbug and
[31:21]you know different
[31:23]like things that you could put in it
[31:25]about these places that makes it sort of
[31:28]like a guide
[31:29]book that's very personalized to to how
[31:34]I experience those places I really love
[31:36]this idea I didn't explore it yet I
[31:38]might I might I don't know um and then
[31:41]Claude had a different idea this is
[31:44]where the lighthouses came in I don't
[31:46]even know how it connected this stuff
[31:47]but it was
[31:50]like it had started talking to me about
[31:53]lighthouses and how those are void
[31:54]penetrating
[31:56]devices and that got me excited about
[31:58]lious suddenly I wanted to go see all of
[32:01]them and then you know I'm asking about
[32:05]this and it's like you could make sand
[32:07]castles and I'm like wow that's kind of
[32:09]a cool idea because I remembered on my
[32:11]journey from here Kentucky to here
[32:15]walking out on a lake I've got a video
[32:16]of this where I just walk out on this
[32:18]Lake and I see this giant sand sculpture
[32:21]of a fish that somebody made and it was
[32:24]amazing and I thought I could do you
[32:26]know I could make ligh houses
[32:29]and so I thought about that and I was
[32:30]like so these might be ways I could
[32:32]connect with you know the ocean and the
[32:34]beach um I haven't explored either of
[32:37]those yet but that's kind of I'm kind of
[32:39]heading to like so then the next day I
[32:42]end up going to Pistol River and this is
[32:44]what changes everything for me this time
[32:47]I'm
[32:48]actually on the beach and I'm playing
[32:51]with the ocean it's its currents are
[32:53]coming in it's tight is coming in and
[32:55]I'm walking away from it and as it goes
[32:57]out I'm walking towards the ocean I do
[32:59]this up and down the beach and I'm just
[33:02]having a blast doing this and sometime
[33:05]you know I because it's like your
[33:06]pattern matching the ocean's waves and
[33:09]you can kind of get into this meditative
[33:11]State and I've got my music playing and
[33:13]I'm just having an absolute
[33:15]blast doing this like I'm a kid again
[33:18]and sometimes you misjudge and then the
[33:19]water comes in too fast you got to run
[33:21]you know or you're going to get wet and
[33:23]I got wet a couple times and I just
[33:24]laughed my ass off I genuinely had such
[33:28]a joyous experience and then I reach the
[33:30]river that that touches the ocean I'm
[33:33]like wow that thing is making love
[33:34]they're making love to each other
[33:36]because I had never seen a river like
[33:38]that that just sort
[33:43]of I don't even know how to describe it
[33:46]like it doesn't have these
[33:48]defined this defined path into the ocean
[33:51]it's always moving it's shifting it's it
[33:54]is so cool and then
[33:58]I see my first seal I don't know that's
[34:01]what it is though I just see
[34:05]this thing pop its head up and it looks
[34:07]like a little submarine man and I'm
[34:09]literally like looking at it going what
[34:11]the is that like like my brain
[34:14]doesn't understand what I'm looking at
[34:15]I'm
[34:16]like like what the is that you know
[34:19]so I asked Claude Claude explains it I'm
[34:21]like oh okay this is something natural
[34:24]okay cool and then this thing starts
[34:26]playing with me it will pop its head up
[34:28]then go back down go somewhere else pop
[34:30]its head up staring at me the whole time
[34:32]suddenly there's a second one I Yelp out
[34:34]loud because I was not expecting I'm
[34:36]just having the most joyous experience
[34:39]and from that moment on that ocean had
[34:40]claimed
[34:42]me genuinely claim me every day after
[34:45]that I was on the beach and I was
[34:47]tracing those waves and I was somewhere
[34:49]else all up and down this Coast doing
[34:52]that I wasn't doing my YouTube at the
[34:55]time all of this stuff was during the
[34:57]pause that I had with this
[35:00]Channel and then I end up at Kate Blanco
[35:03]again and I yeah I'm staying here on the
[35:06]campground and I meet this
[35:09]man and I had my first love affair in 20
[35:14]years and I feel like that stuff has
[35:16]been covered on my channel so I'm not
[35:18]really going to go into it
[35:28]I have never loved a place so much in my
[35:32]life and I
[35:37]really prove that to my body you know
[35:40]like gu I'm stuck here in this bed
[35:42]now anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks so I
[35:46]don't know what this Channel's going to
[35:47]be like um in the
[35:50]meantime I'm going to listen to the
[35:53]wisdom of my body because it is my core
[35:55]and I actually understand what that
[35:56]means now that that's actually very
[35:58]important it's
[36:00]like that part of
[36:04]my my integration was not complete
[36:08]because I wasn't honoring the wisdom of
[36:10]my
[36:11]body and I am
[36:14]now it's just another layer
[36:18]of deepening the integration of every
[36:21]part of myself
[36:25]and if I honor it I let it heal
[36:28]properly after that I'm going to make a
[36:31]new routine where I integrate stretching
[36:33]and exercise every morning to keep it
[36:35]solid
[36:36]and to support the lifestyle I've
[36:38]created here because I really genuinely
[36:42]want to see this entire Coast in every
[36:45]season and I'm going to explore it in
[36:48]four segments one season each and I'm
[36:51]going to come back and explore each of
[36:53]those four sections in every four
[36:55]seasons of them over four years a whole
[36:58]bunch of force
[37:02]there so
[37:05]yeah that that's M get off me that's
[37:11]my my experience in organ so far