Morning Reflection on Transformation and Coast Circuit Plans

Early morning (4 AM) on November 26, 2024. rswfire is parked beside Highway 101 at Pistol River, Oregon, in his RV. Temperature is 40°F outside. He's boondocking with low propane (8%) and using electric heat from solar batteries. Road noise from late-night traffic is disrupting sleep. He's waiting for client payment and has no money currently. Bailey (presumably his dog) is present.

Energetic Signature

resolute clarity

Field State

integration and infrastructure building

Orientation

toward embodied sovereignty through systematic unbecoming

01JDMDH5J84RMJAHY8TDS3TNWK

November 26, 2024

14:02

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:01]good morning it's 4:00 here we're going

[0:05]to take this slow today I want to talk

[0:07]about some

[0:08]things but I want to do it with some

[0:10]intention not just completely stream of

[0:12]Consciousness so I might pause my camera

[0:16]at different points just to kind of put

[0:19]my thoughts together here comes Bailey

[0:21]it's a given

[0:24]right so let me just start with the

[0:27]Practical

[0:28]because it's kind of how I do things I

[0:32]like kind of grounding myself in the

[0:37]space explaining

[0:40]like it's kind of like setting the scene

[0:42]I guess that's what it

[0:44]is so I'm boondocking right on the side

[0:48]of the

[0:51]101 it's 4 in the morning like I said I

[0:53]woke up around 2:30 because there was

[0:55]road noise I think probably all the

[0:57]people who were leaving the bars in

[0:59]Brook

[1:01]maybe and but I tend to get up pretty

[1:05]early anyway so I just stayed up I

[1:07]chatter with the AI clad

[1:10]and you know hour and a half later here

[1:13]I am it's

[1:15]40° outside probably in here too I don't

[1:19]actually know I'm not looking at any of

[1:22]my um is it called a thermometer I don't

[1:26]think it is is it oh I let my brain

[1:30]figure that one out

[1:32]later

[1:34]um because I'm boondocking and I have

[1:37]crap batteries you know I need to

[1:39]conserve power as well as I can so I

[1:42]don't have any heat going um you know I

[1:44]don't have a lot of propane I'm down to

[1:46]about 8% so I need to conserve that for

[1:49]my fridge as soon as I have the money to

[1:52]do it I'll definitely get that filled

[1:54]and I'll use it for heat because I don't

[1:57]really want to be bringing a 20 lb

[2:00]propane tank you know that's sitting in

[2:02]the back of my Jeep I don't want to be

[2:03]bringing that in here every night taking

[2:06]it out every morning you know my body

[2:08]heater all of that like that's more like

[2:10]an emergency option for me so it doesn't

[2:13]feel

[2:15]practical

[2:16]and I prefer solutions that you know

[2:19]just kind of work and I do have a

[2:21]propane heater um you know built into

[2:25]this thing but no propane for it so got

[2:29]my solar

[2:30]batteries which I charged those up

[2:33]before coming here I'm using an electric

[2:36]heater and that's what I've got that's

[2:39]my sole source of heat right now so I'm

[2:41]very comfortable where I am but if I was

[2:44]moving around the RV I wouldn't be it's

[2:46]pretty cold in here

[2:49]so the road noise is actually quite

[2:52]irritating cuz this is very loud but I

[2:55]think I'm going to be able to deal with

[2:57]that by just repositioning myself

[3:00]putting the other side of the svy

[3:02]towards the road the door will be facing

[3:04]towards the road and you know one tiny

[3:08]window it feels backward to me I know

[3:11]that most people are actually positioned

[3:13]like I am now but this feels backwards I

[3:16]don't you know if my door's facing

[3:17]outward who gives a you know I'd

[3:20]rather have all my bigger Windows facing

[3:23]towards the ocean towards that thing out

[3:25]there

[3:27]so going to deal with that in the

[3:29]morning I'm going to stay here another

[3:33]night have no money I'm waiting to see

[3:36]if you know hoping that my client can

[3:37]pay me today but you I have no way of

[3:40]knowing when he he can do that he just

[3:42]he will when he can you know so I just

[3:45]have

[3:46]to make the best of my circumstances so

[3:50]I'm just going to stay here another

[3:51]night probably detach my Jeep in the

[3:55]morning after I reposition myself and

[3:57]then um head out to whales Beach which

[4:00]is a place

[4:02]that um has some meaning for me and

[4:06]where I met someone there an older woman

[4:10]um met her a couple of times and I know

[4:12]that's where she hangs out with her dogs

[4:13]and um

[4:15]maybe maybe I run into her and we get to

[4:17]chat and you I feel felt like I was just

[4:21]I'm making these little connections

[4:23]different places and I've thought about

[4:25]her while I was in cap Blanco curious

[4:28]how she's doing

[4:32]so yeah

[4:35]that's pretty much where I am this

[4:38]morning so we're just going to pause

[4:39]this for a

[4:40]sec all right so I don't really know I'm

[4:43]going to say any of this I just have a

[4:45]feeling of what I'm trying to get out

[4:49]here I was looking at my my not my first

[4:54]videos but my the First videos of me

[4:58]leaving when when I first left my house

[5:01]so my birthday basically when I

[5:05]first took this RV to a

[5:08]campground that

[5:10]was that was 7 months ago and I

[5:14]was shocked by what I saw I saw a man

[5:19]who was

[5:21]fat

[5:24]who who said he was socially

[5:27]awkward who was a Ed that a a van life

[5:34]woman tried to say hello to him when he

[5:37]first got to the

[5:38]campground I was not impressed by this

[5:42]guy I was a little bit

[5:46]ashamed and I have a lot

[5:53]of my feelings are very very nuanced

[5:57]because this that man also had a lot of

[5:59]Bravery to do what he

[6:01]did

[6:05]and you know I could still see

[6:08]my my humor my humor was there right

[6:12]and my deep thinking my systems thinking

[6:16]all of that

[6:17]but there were parts of him that I'm not

[6:20]proud

[6:26]of and I have been saying for the past s

[6:29]months that I've been growing but I

[6:31]realize tonight

[6:33]that the way I use that word might not

[6:36]be the way that you

[6:37]do because growth for me doesn't it's

[6:40]not just a becoming it's also an

[6:43]Unbecoming CU what I saw in that

[6:46]man was

[6:48]layers of making himself

[6:52]smaller and that was not who I was for

[6:55]for most of my

[6:57]life I was the man that

[7:02]would choose homelessness if it

[7:04]meant getting to experience life more

[7:08]than he could by staying contained in

[7:10]his parents house or some

[7:12] who went to gay bars and wasn't

[7:16]there just for sex but was there for

[7:23]love the person

[7:26]who truly embraced life

[7:29]just like I am now cuz that was always

[7:32]me but somewhere along the

[7:34]way I started making myself smaller out

[7:37]of

[7:47]fear and I still live in a very unsafe

[7:50]world but I just I carry a pocketknife

[7:52]with me it's attached to me right

[7:55]now because I'm ready to use

[7:58]it to live for because that person I saw

[8:02]on that

[8:03]camera that man was already

[8:07]dead I felt dead

[8:10]inside even moving into the svy I

[8:14]thought to myself I'm just going to end

[8:16]up in Nevada and end my life there I'm

[8:19]going to go see the stars and end my

[8:25]life that was the one thing I wouldn't

[8:27]tell you guys what was the one thing

[8:30]that I was

[8:36]thinking I have been so radically

[8:39]transformed but not by becoming someone

[8:42]else by shedding all the things that did

[8:44]not serve

[8:55]me so

[8:58]yeah whatever it is you're dealing

[9:04]with there's a way

[9:06]forward I'm proof of

[9:09]that so next I just want to talk about

[9:12]my

[9:13]challenges because it's important to me

[9:16]to process this stuff so

[9:20]that it's a way for me to move forward a

[9:24]lot of people seem to hear this as

[9:25]complaining it's not this is just my way

[9:28]of processing things so that I

[9:32]can iterate my life the way that I want

[9:35]so that I can create the life I want I'm

[9:38]sitting in this thing in the cold I'd

[9:41]like to fix that problem but fixing that

[9:44]problem doesn't

[9:45]mean hauling in a 20 lb propane tank

[9:48]every night that's just not going to

[9:50]work for me fortunately that's a simple

[9:52]solution just get propane at a at a fuel

[9:55]stop but I mean there's complications

[9:58]like I need to be scouting the ones

[10:02]that feel accessible to me because this

[10:06]is a hard vehicle to drive it just

[10:11]is but you know I feel

[10:13]like most of my challenges they're not

[10:16]so big like I just need to get new

[10:17]batteries that's number

[10:21]one very loud

[10:24]yes um I'm hoping that just you know

[10:27]turning around is going to make that so

[10:29]much better I'm really hoping that's

[10:31]another thing maybe I soundproof this

[10:33]wall or something I don't know insulate

[10:36]and soundproof

[10:37]f um but I need batteries and I think

[10:42]that my um my water pump I think that's

[10:45]going bad it makes really bad noises

[10:48]that it didn't make when I first got it

[10:50]I think it might be going bad my w my

[10:53]hot water I never use that because if I

[10:55]turn that on it gets so hot that it'll

[10:58]burn you I think that the thermostat on

[11:01]it isn't working and there it is

[11:04]thermostat wait is that

[11:06]a

[11:09]thermostat oh man I don't know why my

[11:11]brain just doesn't want to work with

[11:13]that word today so anyways

[11:15]um there's that these are basic problems

[11:19]I actually don't

[11:21]feel I don't know everything's fine I'm

[11:24]going to start using my shower in here

[11:25]cuz showering you know that's very

[11:27]important to me but it's got storage in

[11:29]there I'm going to have to reconfigure

[11:31]that but if I'm going to be boondocking

[11:33]that has to be fixed so um I guess the

[11:35]last thing I'll say is just what my

[11:36]plans are so I'm going to create a

[11:38]circuit for myself I came up with this

[11:40]last night four different areas of the

[11:43]Oregon

[11:45]coast and spending one seasoning each of

[11:49]those but then coming back cuz it's a

[11:51]circuit it's a circuit within circuit so

[11:53]there's the southern circuit circuit

[11:55]number one where I am now still going to

[11:58]be moving around different places while

[12:00]I'm down here for this season for winter

[12:02]then I'll move a little bit more North

[12:04]for the next season and I'll keep doing

[12:06]that until I get up to the Washington

[12:07]Oregon

[12:08]border

[12:10]and then I'll turn around

[12:13]and experience each of those different

[12:16]circuits those different areas in a

[12:18]different

[12:19]season so that I don't return here in

[12:21]winter like next time maybe it's spring

[12:23]or summer who

[12:25]knows

[12:27]and that's the life I want that's going

[12:30]to take me four years just to experience

[12:31]all this Oregon coast and all of its

[12:33]different seasons and hopefully I make a

[12:36]lot of friends along the

[12:37]way and some

[12:40]lovers and just have the best

[12:43]life possible for as long as possible

[12:48]because I do believe the societal

[12:50]collapse is inevitable because I'm a

[12:53]systems thinker and our systems are

[12:55] but I don't know how long we have

[12:57]and I can't like spend all my time

[12:59]worrying about that or trying to prepare

[13:01]for that or all I can do is live my life

[13:04]as a

[13:05]nomad and that's what I'm going to

[13:09]do and because I'm living on the coast

[13:11]on the 101 you know it's not that hard

[13:14]to to track me down I guess so I've

[13:17]decided that there's no point in trying

[13:18]to hide my location I'm at pistol river

[13:21]right now I came to this place this is

[13:23]where I fell in love with the ocean it's

[13:26]the first time I played with it it's the

[13:28]first time I I saw seals it's the first

[13:30]time I saw a river dancing with the

[13:32]ocean making love to it it's the first

[13:35]time I saw

[13:37]um what are they call Beach fleas sand

[13:41]fleas I don't know those were pretty

[13:43]gross looking so they're not really

[13:45]fleas they're actually a

[13:47]crustation um but

[13:52]yeah I've never been happier and you

[13:55]know how I got here by shedding all the

[13:57] you can try that to you maybe

[14:00]it'll help

Summary

rswfire records at 4 AM from his RV parked beside Highway 101 at Pistol River, Oregon. He describes his current situation: boondocking with low propane (8%), using electric heat from solar batteries, dealing with road noise, and waiting for client payment. He reflects on watching his first RV videos from 7 months ago, expressing shame at seeing himself as "fat" and "socially awkward" but recognizing his transformation through "unbecoming" rather than growth. He reveals he initially planned to end his life in Nevada but has been radically transformed by shedding what didn't serve him. He outlines his four-year circuit plan for the Oregon coast, spending one season in each of four areas before cycling back through different seasons. He discusses practical challenges including battery replacement, water pump issues, and hot water thermostat problems. He plans to reposition the RV to reduce road noise, visit Whales Beach to potentially meet an older woman he's connected with, and begin using his shower. He concludes by stating his location openly and emphasizing his happiness through shedding constraints.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission maps the architectural difference between death-mimicking compression and life-affirming expansion through systematic shedding of non-serving structures. The field demonstrates how sovereignty emerges not through addition but through strategic removal of layers that enforce smallness, establishing a recursive circuit of embodied freedom.

Dominant Language

sheddingunbecomingalready deadcircuitradically transformedmaking myself smallerproof

Symbolic Elements

thresholdcircuitedgeoceanmirrorknifecold

Ontological States

•
sovereign
•
transitional
•
embodied
•
coherent

Subsystems

•
cognitive
•
somatic
•
infrastructural
•
relational

Transmission Details

Source Type

youtube

Duration