[0:00]so it's almost 700 in the morning here
[0:02]I'm just going to say this briefly
[0:04]things didn't work out with my new
[0:06][Music]
[0:07]friend I want to respect his privacy so
[0:10]I'm not going to say more than that
[0:11]other than to say he made me feel very
[0:13]unsafe very
[0:15]scared
[0:18]and destroyed something that was
[0:20]absolutely
[0:22]beautiful it's heartbreaking and I'm
[0:25]grieving and I'm moving on so um I'm
[0:27]doing laundry this morning it's almost 7
[0:30]in the morning I might have said that we
[0:31]have a major storm coming the wind um
[0:35]the sustained winds are going to be in
[0:37]like the 50s or 60s I think and the the
[0:40]Gus they're going to be in the 80s but
[0:42]the campground is pretty secure I think
[0:45]maybe just have to worry about the trees
[0:47]but there's really nothing you can do
[0:48]about that so
[0:51]um just going to tough it out today got
[0:53]to get my laundry done and just you know
[0:56]whatever so yeah things didn't work out
[1:00]so I'm here doing
[1:02]hry two people in here and they're using
[1:05]all the washers there was only one I
[1:08]crab out so those are going to probably
[1:10]take hours I guess I need to do my
[1:13]laundry anyways I want to honor had this
[1:17]because it was wonderful I'm trying to
[1:18]get this door shut it was wonderful up
[1:21]until it wasn't right
[1:27]so very I'll take away
[1:30]this place is
[1:32]done oh my God yesterday I hooked him on
[1:36]the
[1:36]beach when he came to get me
[1:39]wonderful absolutely love
[1:43]that I got him a tie table because I
[1:46]know how important that is to him it's a
[1:48]way of showing I
[1:51]care told him I want you to meet his mom
[1:54]that I wanted her to like me
[1:57]rtic I love the berry picking
[2:01]I teased him about it because who
[2:02]wouldn't it was
[2:07]adorable I like this man just as he
[2:12]was quirks and a like just so different
[2:14]from
[2:15]me let him be himself and
[2:22]then I have a lot to process I just I'm
[2:26]I want
[2:28]to I don't want
[2:31]to trying to be respectful you know I'm
[2:34]not trying
[2:39]to there just some things I can't
[2:43]say what I'm hurting pretty
[2:46]obvious w't close me off though
[2:49]because that was wonderful it was Come
[2:54]on
[2:55]B oh
[2:56]yeah we started cuddling together a few
[2:59]days going that gave me one fuzzy
[3:02]feeling inside that I still have mixed
[3:05]with everything else that's
[3:13]going by the way my Xbox one there and
[3:18]hopefully very
[3:19]soon hopefully I'm really hopeing
[3:24]soon I don't know I
[3:27]can because
[3:31]complications can't really afford to
[3:33]leave yet I week at this
[3:37]place but I'm probably going to leave
[3:40]early
[3:42]somehow go back to um Brookings cuz I
[3:46]love it there I missed it I'm making
[3:50]friends there too there's this one woman
[3:52]on the beach that I met a couple of
[3:53]times he had to
[4:06]dis gu was kind of
[4:09]building know
[4:13]I
[4:14]for these little connection make then
[4:18]this happened it was
[4:20]like it was beautiful was
[4:24][ __ ] think I was falling in love with
[4:26]this man I think I might have actually I
[4:30]don't
[4:38]know I felt safe with him right up until
[4:42]I
[4:43]didn't just breaks my
[4:50]heart confuses me why like I didn't see
[4:54]it
[4:56]how you can only see what's there right
[4:58]what you're shown
[5:00]so I don't blame
[5:03]myself it just sucks you know it just
[5:07]sucks so all these people you like
[5:09]taking all the washers I think I'm just
[5:10]going to go somewhere else I Bailey
[5:12]threw up on a blanket that I really
[5:14]needed to get washed so that's in there
[5:16]once that's washed and again dry I'm
[5:18]going to go to a different town I
[5:22]think but there is a major storm coming
[5:25]in I just don't know like I don't need
[5:26]to be out in this weather I got to be
[5:29]with Bailey don't want him being scared
[5:31]I doesn't need to be there
[5:33]so guess
[5:36]I'll I don't know it's kind of tricky
[5:38]because you can't really trust weather
[5:39]apps so you know the storm comes when it
[5:42]comes I guess
[5:44]and 80 M an hour like all week I've been
[5:48]like wow that's even for me that's a lot
[5:50]you know I want to document I want to
[5:52]see it I want to experience it to an
[5:57]extent I don't know I'm trying to think
[5:59]like just so much happened we it was
[6:02]wonderful I destroy something so
[6:05]beautiful that had so much
[6:11]potential it's over there's no going
[6:18]back yeah gu I'll leave it there for on
[6:22]ohlo this one side I'm going to try to
[6:25]get
[6:27]some these clouds are just moving
[6:45]it's going to be an
[6:48]event I'll be okay you guys don't worry
[6:50]about me we going to be good well I
[6:53]clean my blankets I didn't get all my
[6:55]laundry done I really wanted to clean my
[6:57]pants because I'm always getting them
[6:59]wet on in the ocean and I have to dry
[7:02]them out with my electric heater and you
[7:04]know after a while they do get dirty and
[7:06]you got to wash them so I still have
[7:09]cleaned pants though so we're good do it
[7:11]another day um this is a major storm
[7:14]system maybe I even um put a screenshot
[7:18]up of it cuz it's so cool looking so
[7:21]cool and so I'm not going to head
[7:23]south cuz it's everywhere I mean and
[7:26]these are very strong winds so
[7:29]um and I was talking to a guy at the
[7:31]laundry man I asked him what he thought
[7:33]cuz he's lived here forever and he's
[7:35]like it's a little bit about luck and
[7:37]I'm like that's not a good word to use
[7:39]like that's not a reason to you know
[7:41]don't be out at luck that I'm not going
[7:43]to yeah no so I'm doing
[7:47]better um these feelings will build
[7:51]linger a little while and you know I'll
[7:53]process the things that happened and
[7:55]I'll move on that's what I do and still
[7:59]up and
[8:01]still you know
[8:05]I'm I'm
[8:07]good yeah oh I didn't want to mention
[8:11]though I cook for this man twice do you
[8:13]know what kind of a cook I am so I made
[8:16]burgers the first night those were good
[8:20]getting pretty good at that using my
[8:21]ninja foodie then I made chili yesterday
[8:23]but I made a special chili I chopped up
[8:27]onions like red pepper whole bunch of
[8:31]garlic Chopped all that up and cooked it
[8:35]like seared it or whatever and then put
[8:38]in brown sugar and cocoa powder mix all
[8:42]that together then you know just a whole
[8:44]bunch of stuff like this was a lot of
[8:46]work I wanted to nourish this man
[8:50]cuz apparently there's that part of me
[8:53]that I didn't know about so that was
[8:55]interesting to discover and loved it
[8:58]and um
[9:02]oh
[9:04]man I'm [ __ ]
[9:06]awesome turning me into the
[9:10]monster
[9:13]because what because I'm awesome like
[9:17]makes no sense could have been
[9:20]beautiful
[9:23]M it is what it is there are other men
[9:26]out there I didn't tell you guys about
[9:28]the fishermen there was one day I was at
[9:30]a different Campground and I saw this
[9:32]fisherman holding a fishing pole this
[9:34]man knew how to hold a fishing pole like
[9:37]that just did something to me I just had
[9:39]to talk to that
[9:41]man um that's a whole other story um
[9:46]yeah yeah I
[9:49][Music]
[9:51]guess um I don't know just kind of
[9:55]having a moment here because
[10:01]I love this place so I got to I don't
[10:03]know if I can show
[10:04]you um oh I can't show you very well let
[10:09]me try you look back there somewhere
[10:11]there it
[10:13]is I got a 101 sticker put above my baby
[10:17]Yoda because this place claimed me I
[10:20]claimed it back
[10:22]so I live on this Coast now this is
[10:25]where I
[10:26]live so before I wrap this video up I I
[10:29]thought maybe I'll just go check the
[10:31]cape out and oh some people okay so I
[10:35]just want to show you though isn't it
[10:36]pretty yes this is my campsite it floods
[10:40]real bad this is nothing it'll get a lot
[10:43]worse um well let's go check the KP
[10:46]we'll talk about a few
[10:48]things um nor might I just come out here
[10:51]so I've been hiking every day since my
[10:54]heart got opened up that over a month
[10:56]ago and according to Samsung health I'm
[10:59]the top 3% of everybody who's out here
[11:01]walking and stuff which I'm very proud
[11:04]of I'm probably going to put a
[11:05]screenshot up of that because maybe I'll
[11:08]just document that fact cuz I'm hiking
[11:11]everywhere you know um very sore I
[11:15]there's a I don't know if I mentioned it
[11:16]but my I got a core muscle that's real
[11:19]sore and I'm not giving it enough rust
[11:22]to get better so anyways
[11:26]um probably not going to stay here
[11:28]because quite honestly it doesn't feel
[11:30]safe
[11:32]anymore um it's
[11:35]complicated but it doesn't feel safe
[11:38]so um I think what I'm going to do cuz I
[11:41]I want to stay on the southern coast and
[11:43]I do actually kind of Miss Brookings and
[11:45]Gold Beach area um and Humbug Mountain
[11:49]like I'll probably stay in those areas
[11:51]and the next place up is this one and
[11:55]once you get to here cap
[11:57]blonco um
[11:59]things start to get a little more remote
[12:01]so um there's just it's a different vibe
[12:05]a little bit more solitary in a sense
[12:08]and you know that's not the energy I
[12:11]have these days I really want to
[12:15]um socialize so want to be on the
[12:19]beaches and Brookings generally it has
[12:22]this effect where it tends to have it's
[12:24]got a microclimate that's uh might make
[12:27]some of the days better
[12:29]um all kinds of reasons you know I just
[12:32]absolutely love it and then maybe in the
[12:34]spring I'll start heading north but I'm
[12:37]going
[12:38]to recalibrate I was going to make this
[12:41]my base camp it's going to spend two
[12:43]weeks at a time here go somewhere else
[12:45]for 3 Days come back this is going to be
[12:47]my base camp cuz I love so much about
[12:49]this place
[12:51]but maintaining privacy here
[12:54]because despite everything that happens
[12:56]I care very much about this person and
[13:04]I just hope that
[13:08]they and I can't you know I just I can't
[13:11]talk about it but I don't feel safe here
[13:13]so I'm going to move
[13:14]on um under different
[13:18]circumstances a normal breakup or
[13:20]something like that would not be an
[13:22]issue but this is
[13:23]different um that being said got this
[13:27]pocket knife don't even remember where
[13:29]I carry it everywhere
[13:31]now because I am still expecting social
[13:34]claps obviously but you know I will
[13:37]defend my sovereignty against anybody
[13:39]any
[13:40]threat and I mean I'm not saying
[13:43]anything by saying that not an
[13:46]implication of any kind I'm basically
[13:49]telling my viewers
[13:51]that not to worry so I'll be
[13:54]fine trust
[13:56]myself love myself
[14:00]and making me feel unsafe that's wrong
[14:03]unacceptably
[14:05]wrong so
[14:08]no putting me in that position
[14:10]absolutely [ __ ] wrong
[14:15]undeserved I'm going to keep living my
[14:18]best [ __ ]
[14:19]life that's what I want for
[14:22]everybody so we're about to leave the
[14:24]tree line and that's when the wind will
[14:26]pick up because this Campground really
[14:27]is protected so let's see what's going
[14:28]on
[14:31]there's a couple up ahead of me so I'm
[14:32]trying to not pan over
[14:36]there oh I'm going to
[14:55]lose yeah this is
[15:00]4 M hour um
[15:15]GS
[15:23]that can't be
[15:25]predicted does of for what it is
[15:32]sheer force of nature that is me that
[15:36]will always be
[15:38]me Lighthouse over there void
[15:41]penetrating
[15:43]device to meet
[15:45]too can see
[15:48]deeply here the void but here turned it
[15:52]on the light hasn't been on since we got
[15:54]here people coming hold on they were
[15:57]cool dos they're like I guess we're not
[15:59]all The Crazy Ones nope you're sure
[16:03]not um still kind few not
[16:09]bad so anyways yeah um oldest lighthouse
[16:12]in Oregon and they're trying to collect
[16:16]funds for it to repair it maybe that's
[16:19]why the light is not anymore I don't
[16:21]know I haven't been able to see it that
[16:23]way and this was is sad cuz I don't
[16:24]really want
[16:25]to um you know
[16:33]that pants are falling down wait a
[16:35]minute why is this upside down oh my god
[16:38]of course I did guys of course I did
[16:40]okay let me just send it there this is
[16:41]so very