[0:00]good morning fellow humans it's 10:00 in
[0:03]the morning here
[0:04]Monday it's been raining all night so I
[0:07]wanted to see how the river
[0:09]looked I don't think it's grown very
[0:11]much yet doesn't mean it isn't pretty
[0:16]good to fog up there in the
[0:17]mountains Cloudy Skies grain no sun
[0:23]anywhere and this is the Pacific
[0:25]Northwest for
[0:27]you it was very pleasant
[0:30]night the rain drops on my RV roof
[0:35]were very
[0:39]pleasant oh I guess I got across this
[0:44]tree I do want to build a bridge here
[0:47]but I was thinking about it and I don't
[0:52]think I am amazed people do this
[0:55]actually you know what it's that tree
[0:57]isn't it yes
[1:00]okay like something feels off
[1:04]here
[1:07]um I mean it's you know it's wet and
[1:09]slippery
[1:11]so
[1:12]crap yeah I'm not risking it I'm not a
[1:15]child anymore I know other way
[1:19]around oh what was I
[1:21]saying I just don't I don't know my
[1:24]bance felt off
[1:26]so there's a way out of here up to the
[1:29]road get over to the Redwood
[1:33]Forest um so I don't know if I have much
[1:36]to say
[1:38]today but every time I say that I end up
[1:41]talking for an hour so I guess we'll
[1:42]find
[1:44]out um so it's Monday and today is the
[1:49]day that I picked for
[1:54]um adding work to my new
[1:57]life so I'll be doing that when I get
[2:00]back I got my RV mostly
[2:03]organized small number of things I still
[2:06]need to figure out a place for
[2:08]but it's
[2:11]always I mean that's something that will
[2:13]just be ongoing for the rest of my life
[2:15]I
[2:17]feel I don't believe in any like final
[2:21]sedan I'll always be moving stuff around
[2:23]and
[2:30]but I would like to get as organized as
[2:31]I
[2:32]can I'm very
[2:36]close all
[2:38]right I feel
[2:43]like I need to do this every
[2:46]day
[2:48]I'm not as physically conditioned as I
[2:51]thought I
[2:52]was
[2:55]although I think I know it's the vaping
[2:59]I will quit that it's been on my mind so
[3:05]much a little
[3:08]bit
[3:12]um I mean I don't know the right word I
[3:15]guess
[3:17]afraid that it will be a challenge
[3:21]and
[3:24]um you know so there's that
[3:31]but I can't know this with
[3:34]certainty have to try and see what
[3:38]happens for
[3:40]me when I'm ready to let something
[3:44]go you get rid of everything associated
[3:47]with it then you move
[3:50]on that's you know so but I mean with my
[3:53]finances the way they are if I did that
[3:57]it didn't work out
[4:00]well that would be difficult
[4:03]so I don't
[4:06]know been learning a lot about these
[4:09]trees the
[4:11]Redwoods they're fascinating one single
[4:14]tree can make its own
[4:16]microclimate and at different vertical
[4:19]levels trees so when it sech growing
[4:24]branches those branches get soil on them
[4:27]just plant der bean stuff turns into
[4:29]soil
[4:31]and then other trees can grow there like
[4:33]they were on the ground a whole other
[4:36]tree just growing on a on a redwood how
[4:39]cool is
[4:40]that the seeds get up there from
[4:42]different ways like when but also from
[4:44]the animals like
[4:47]squirrels probably
[4:50]Birds
[4:52]um be looking for these there's a name
[4:55]for these kinds of trees they're not
[4:57]parasitic because they're not
[5:00]taking anything from the tree they're
[5:01]just they're living on
[5:04]it it can even add stability from their
[5:08]own Roots growing around you know and
[5:10]wrapping around the branches and the
[5:11]tree and stuff just
[5:17]fascinating nature is
[5:20]amazing all right so we're at the
[5:24]trail wish I knew how to pronounce that
[5:27]SSU sisu Rogue River where is this Rogue
[5:32]River I'm not sure I've ever seen
[5:34]it no
[5:41]brochures oh I'm not sure I even looked
[5:43]at this map actually oh look at
[5:46]that they do tell you the numbers what
[5:48]they
[5:49]mean all right let's see
[5:58]here there's a large red
[6:03]wood I don't see anything about fairy
[6:07]circles I don't have any fairy
[6:11]circles that's what I want to
[6:17]see those trees are
[6:24]pretty
[6:26]so I don't think people really watch my
[6:29]he videos very much which you know it's
[6:33]not why I do
[6:34]it um I don't you know I'm not seeking
[6:37]validation or trying to entertain you
[6:42]guys this is just me about about me
[6:44]documenting my life
[6:48]and I don't feel like I have much else
[6:50]to say so I'm just going to stop it here
[6:54]we'll see if there's anything more I
[6:55]want to share I don't know if this will
[6:58]show up on my camera real well but this
[7:00]is nice this
[7:03]fog that's another thing I learned about
[7:06]um
[7:07]redwoods they draw in the fog and they
[7:10]bring it down to ground
[7:12]level which helps to bring more moisture
[7:16]down here redwoods are pretty amazing I
[7:20]mean the more I was reading about them
[7:22]more impressed I
[7:26]was I mean they're not
[7:32]I guess they're just different they're
[7:33]not you know my kind of trees
[7:36]but I think they're so cool cuz they
[7:41]are they're very diverse
[7:45]things so I've been hiking I don't know
[7:47]a couple of
[7:50]Miles not sure how close I am to the end
[7:54]here probably pretty close
[7:57]though elevation game was about 400 ft I
[8:01]don't know if that's a lot I sure did a
[8:03]work out on my lungs my legs a little
[8:06]bit even though I do it every day
[8:09]so I am wondering what that's about I
[8:12]feel
[8:14]like it ain't acceptable I've been
[8:16]hiking my whole life so I'm age is not
[8:20]going to stop me I will keep doing this
[8:22]until it just becomes as simple as
[8:24]breathing to
[8:26]me um so Thursday I leave for the Coast
[8:30]for 3 days I'm going to be at a
[8:31]campground right on the coast that'll be
[8:34]fun you know we'll check out the ocean
[8:36]and stuff hopefully it's raining I don't
[8:38]know um the weather forecast chain so
[8:41]quickly here that it's kind of hard to
[8:44]know right now it's saying it isn't
[8:46]going to rain
[8:47]so but it's going to rain all week
[8:49]pretty much I think I mean it's kind of
[8:52]sprinkling right
[8:54]now it's just
[8:56]nice I like this
[9:00]rain is what I am looking forward to the
[9:01]most just constant rain for days and
[9:04]weeks at a
[9:05]time anyway
[9:08]so Thursday I'll go to the coast for 3
[9:11]days and then I'll come back here for
[9:12]two weeks and I think after that I'm
[9:15]going to start heading
[9:17]North I have been looking at different
[9:21]possibilities I may go quite a ways up
[9:24]north I may
[9:26]not
[9:28]um it's going to take it more casually
[9:31]but uh I've you know I've explored this
[9:34]area a little
[9:35]bit
[9:38]and
[9:40]um I don't know we'll see I'm still kind
[9:43]of you know I don't want to be skipping
[9:45]things stuff like that but like for
[9:48]example there's this mountain called
[9:50]Humbug Mountain and there's a campground
[9:53]there seemed really nice but it's very
[9:56]busy I mean it's it's middle of October
[10:01]I don't want to be on a campground with
[10:04]tons of other people that's not what I'm
[10:05]looking for that's not why I'm out here
[10:07]it's that why I even started this like I
[10:10]it was culture shock for me to learn
[10:12]about the rvers and the van lifers I
[10:14]didn't know about them that's not why I
[10:17]did this
[10:19]so
[10:21]um I feel like I just need to get up
[10:24]north more there was one Campground I
[10:26]saw that it had like nine
[10:30]sites puts them close together though
[10:32]you know you're
[10:33]not you got nine sites so you probably
[10:36]got nine people right around you I don't
[10:38]want to be in a little box of sardines
[10:40]with others either so it's like I'm just
[10:43]trying to figure this life
[10:45]out obviously for me
[10:49]offgrid wound docking is what will make
[10:53]me the
[10:54]happiest um I just feel that I'm not
[10:56]real ready for that I don't feel I've
[10:59]done it a couple times I've enjoyed it a
[11:02]lot oh which way feel like I should know
[11:05]the answer to that you know what I know
[11:07]where I am I know exactly where I am
[11:09]okay cool um so
[11:16]anyways I just feel
[11:22]like it's complicated there's something
[11:24]I don't there's some things I want to
[11:25]talk about you know so I just I have a
[11:27]lot going on in my head right now
[11:29]and as he just call it a liino state you
[11:32]know I'm
[11:34]still I'm still working
[11:38]out how to approach my life
[11:42]here I'm not even sure organs is for me
[11:45]because for one thing that park ranger
[11:48]really upset me and the way people drive
[11:52]here is just insane to
[11:54]me and there's too many people here
[11:57]living this lifestyle there's no space
[12:00]for for us that's how it feels since I
[12:04]got here it hasn't been fun for
[12:06]me and makes me kind of wish I would you
[12:09]know go back to
[12:11]Nevada
[12:13]but there are good reasons to be here
[12:16]and I want to experience the storms and
[12:19]the rain and the different sky like
[12:23]there's a lot here that I I want to you
[12:25]know you can see where the the tension
[12:29]comes from it's not from the place it's
[12:31]from the
[12:32]people
[12:36]and you know I've been navigating that
[12:38]my whole life
[12:43]so okay yeah I know where I am
[12:47]okay
[12:52]um and I don't want you to get me wrong
[12:54]I actually like the van life where I saw
[12:56]yesterday running the generator I
[12:59]respect of that person they were
[13:01]offgrade on the side of a Road near the
[13:04]river just living their life and I think
[13:06]that's
[13:08]awesome it's
[13:10]not nothing in my world is black and
[13:13]white there's Nuance to everything
[13:16]so I wouldn't want to be parked next to
[13:18]that person but I
[13:22]absolutely love what they're doing with
[13:24]their life so you know
[13:26]there's it's just I need to find my
[13:29]place that's what this has always been
[13:32]about where I
[13:35]belong
[13:37]and haven't found it
[13:43]yet maybe it's in Washington I truly
[13:45]don't know maybe it's in Nevada I don't
[13:48]know I kind of liked Wyoming I liked
[13:50]Kansas so and I like exploring
[13:54]it's complicated
[13:57]so um I don't have all the answers and
[14:00]that's not how I live my life I don't
[14:02]live my life making up
[14:04]answers
[14:07]I I
[14:09]explore the world myself you know
[14:12]everything and very comfortable with
[14:15]ambiguity I don't need to have the
[14:18]answers I just need
[14:21]to um keep working
[14:26]towards the Contours of what works for
[14:28]me
[14:30]might be a difficult thing for some of
[14:32]you to
[14:34]understand like
[14:36]they're our boundaries our
[14:39]borders to what works for you and what
[14:43]doesn't and I'm striving to live within
[14:47]my
[14:48]borders just don't know where they are
[14:50]yet I'm still exploring
[14:54]them you know this is why I have
[14:56]comments disabled I'm not looking for
[14:58]comment I'm not interested in your
[15:01]commentary or your you know your point
[15:03]of view like it's not relevant to my
[15:05]life I don't know why
[15:07]people I don't know why
[15:10]people always want to inject themselves
[15:14]like for me when I started my YouTube
[15:16]channel I expected you guys to talk
[15:18]about your own
[15:20]lives in comparison to mine that never
[15:24]happens you are hyperfocused on me and I
[15:27]that was unacceptable
[15:30]focus on your own
[15:32]life what do we have in common you know
[15:35]build a bridge but you guys wen't even
[15:37]trying so you know I'm done with
[15:42]that um I had a point kind of lost the
[15:45]thread
[15:50]there okay we're back to the the rocking
[15:55]stairs don't have a belt on I keep
[15:57]having to pull my pants up
[16:02]you
[16:04]know AI told me there wouldn't be a sun
[16:08]there'd be cloud cover all the time gray
[16:10]skies
[16:12]rain and it will change
[16:15]you I'm like are you kidding me I am so
[16:18]excited for this but now I'm
[16:21]experiencing
[16:24]it I actually do love it I do
[16:30]so which doesn't to say I'd like to you
[16:33]know I'd like to see the sun sometimes
[16:34]like how's my solar going to work how
[16:37]would that even work so kind of feel
[16:40]like I need campgrounds at
[16:43]least at least to charge my solar but I
[16:46]I'm still working out the
[16:48]solar on my power
[16:51]consumption it's it's
[16:54]complicated because I need those
[16:56]batteries to last and
[17:00]you know I can go through 20 30% in a
[17:02]day or
[17:03]overnight um which obviously overnight I
[17:06]shouldn't be charging any I shouldn't be
[17:08]running anything right so but it depends
[17:11]like okay
[17:12]so my
[17:14]dehumidifier you know I
[17:18]actually oh I know where I am it's where
[17:22]I thought I was earlier when I said I
[17:23]know where I am actually that's funny
[17:27]okay we're almost out know so anyway my
[17:31]dehumidifier uses a lot of power you in
[17:35]an environment like this you do need
[17:37]it you need you know I need my electric
[17:40]heater I can't power them together
[17:42]that's another thing with my RV it's
[17:45]like two appliances is one too
[17:48]many so I can't run my ninja foodie if I
[17:51]have either of those things
[17:54]on um yeah this is right at the
[17:57]beginning I didn't okay that was a lot
[17:58]close closer than I thought we
[18:00]out
[18:04]um there just a lot you know I'm still
[18:07]working through it's a
[18:08]process one that I'm enjoying one that I
[18:11]wanted to share with you guys without
[18:15]the fragmentation of
[18:17]your point of view this is my
[18:21]channel this is my life that I'm sharing
[18:24]with you
[18:29]I just don't
[18:31]I I hold on a second all right just a
[18:35]lot of activity
[18:37]there I need to get down that road and
[18:39]see what's down there so many cars go
[18:41]down there but I know that's the
[18:43]national forest what is down there that
[18:45]so many people are going
[18:48]to and what can I find down there you
[18:50]know I just need to explore that
[18:57]area this is
[18:59]and I don't even know where the sun is
[19:01]at like where is it in the
[19:03]sky is it over there trly don't
[19:08]know
[19:15]fascinating it's a pleasant morning here
[19:19]how quiet it
[19:25]is stop the spread of sudden Oak death
[19:38]no idea what that about I'll find
[19:48]out one of my contact I can't see real
[19:54]well one thing I saw when I was looking
[19:56]at Maps
[20:02]something about this area closed to
[20:04]firewood
[20:05]Gathering
[20:08]interesting firewood Gathering not
[20:10]cutting trees down just Gathering that
[20:13]firewood
[20:17]um these forests
[20:20]have use maps for cutting down Christmas
[20:23]trees I didn't know we did
[20:26]that thought that was fascinating they
[20:28]broke them up in these little
[20:30]grids
[20:33]and sure they change them every
[20:46]here I'm excited to see this River girl
[20:48]it must get so big cuz you can just tell
[20:51]those look that's all that's got to be a
[20:54]river B right maybe not all of it but a
[20:58]lot of it
[21:00]that's rub could get very
[21:05]big I want to see
[21:08]it I don't know what this is called but
[21:10]it's fascinating look at that right next
[21:12]to the
[21:15]road I mean do you call that a sinkhole
[21:18]when they're like more like little
[21:19]Caverns
[21:42]I mean there's going to be so much water
[21:44]here I am just
[21:50]waiting all of it going into the
[21:53]ocean so
[21:55]cool I wouldn't want to see that
[22:00]we're going to cut in over here to get
[22:01]to the River View
[22:03]Trail and that'll take us back to the
[22:17]campground this is where the van life
[22:19]was by the
[22:21]way out here overnight
[22:46]theying this slowly cuz my hands are
[22:48]full
[22:51]and see
[22:53]very very wet slippery
[22:58]and we're
[23:18]down very proud of myself for coming out
[23:21]here today because I did resist it I
[23:23]didn't didn't feel up to it but I did
[23:27]it I hiked the whole Redwood Trail too
[23:30]so very
[23:32]proud got to do that every
[23:47]day so I made burgers in my ninja foodie
[23:50]last
[23:51]night that was
[23:53]awesome they were too big cuz I had I
[23:57]had 2 lbs of hamburger burger and I had
[23:59]to split that in half to make my
[24:01]chili so I made two burgers out of the
[24:03]rest which meant they were half PB
[24:05]each that took a long time to
[24:08]cook I learned from
[24:10]that make them
[24:12]smaller but they cooked and it was good
[24:15]I ate one and put the other in the
[24:17]fridge so I warm it up today in a ninja
[24:19]foodie I still have
[24:23]chilly um didn't need anything this
[24:26]morning but I'm pretty hungry I'm going
[24:29]to eat I'm going to get
[24:31]back some bagels or eggs or hash browns
[24:34]that's everything I
[24:42]got
[24:47]okay I
[24:50]am very far from home what was home for
[24:54]a very long
[24:56]time I drove here in an hour with my
[25:00]cat
[25:03]and I am doing something
[25:11]that
[25:12]well consider this quite
[25:22]profound and I'm determined I I'll find
[25:26]some new clients
[25:28]get some new work going
[25:37]and
[25:46]yeah leave it there I had of a clip from
[25:49]the other day on this trail that I'm
[25:51]going to
[25:53]um append to this video
[25:59]just talking
[26:00]about how this just this phone that I'm
[26:03]holding it's about phones I almost
[26:06]posted it called the phone but I
[26:09]didn't I was thinking about it on
[26:12]my
[26:13]um my hike today I'll just append it to
[26:17]this
[26:18]and cuz I'm
[26:24]contemplating I don't like the
[26:25]attachment to this phone I don't want it
[26:27]in my hand on all the
[26:29]time yeah I don't like the way it's
[26:31]changing us as a
[26:35]society if I'm going
[26:37]to share my hikes and talk about my
[26:41]life when I'm out here I think that I
[26:45]need
[26:46]to come up with a different strategy
[26:48]maybe my GoPro just attached to my rain
[26:51]jacket or
[26:54]whatever um
[26:58]CU I'm thinking I might start leaving my
[27:00]phone at home
[27:04]because I don't like what it's done to
[27:06]us
[27:58]for
[28:38]even in these natural
[28:40]spaces we pull our phones
[28:44]out there's someone sitting by the
[28:47]river drove their vehicle right up to
[28:51]it sitting down on the
[28:54]rivered staring at their phone
[29:00]and I'm not judging cuz I do
[29:05]it but I came out here today started
[29:09]looking
[29:09][Music]
[29:11]around I Fu
[29:14]connected didn't need my
[29:20]phone these things do not provide
[29:23]connection they disconnect us from each
[29:25]other in the world
[29:34]you see that don't
[29:39]you I know some of you think you're
[29:41]connected to me but you're
[29:47]not cuz I'm not connected to
[29:53]you I'm just a mirror
[29:58]I'm a
[30:00]mirror of your own
[30:04]self the struggles you face the fears
[30:06]you have the triumphs of joy is allv it
[30:10]that's all I
[30:13]am I'm not a real person to
[30:17]you and you could never be a real person
[30:19]to me cuz I'm looking at a camera right
[30:24]now or a phone
[30:28]that has disconnected this entire
[30:32]world we should sit with that for a
[30:34]while