[0:02]it's midnight
[0:04]here just sitting here in the dark
[0:07]Looking Out My
[0:08][Music]
[0:11]Window out at the stars in the
[0:15]mountain I think most of the stars are
[0:18]obscured by my
[0:20]windows because they're
[0:22]tinted I can see some of
[0:28]them it's not Pitch but black outside
[0:32]it's the mountain looks pitch black but
[0:35]the
[0:37]sky it's
[0:44]lighter I've just been sitting here for
[0:46]a while and thinking about some
[0:50]things I think I have a bunch of
[0:52]fragmented thoughts I want to
[0:56]share I don't think any of this will
[0:58]make a lot of sense because
[1:00]it doesn't make sense to me yet these
[1:03]are just the things that are flowing
[1:05]through my mind right
[1:06][Music]
[1:10]now one of them
[1:15]is about confrontation with the
[1:18]self I don't feel like you can live this
[1:21]lifestyle and not have a confrontation
[1:24]with
[1:27]yourself at least for me
[1:31]I think
[1:32]maybe for other people that's not always
[1:35]the case that you come out here
[1:41]and you know maybe I've been thinking
[1:44]about band lifers for
[1:46]example cuz I've seen dozens of them
[1:49]come through
[1:50]here so it's become very
[1:54]popular and I wonder how many of them
[2:00]like I know that a lot of
[2:02]people do this perhaps for similar
[2:06]reasons it brought me out
[2:09]here they were tired
[2:13]of something in their lives and they
[2:16]just
[2:18]felt the need to change something about
[2:22]their lives
[2:26]and maybe that brought them out here
[2:29]what did they change
[2:33]because you can't really run from
[2:36]yourself so if the reason you're doing
[2:39]it is because of
[2:42]something that you need to confront
[2:45]yourself
[2:47]about that's not going to change when
[2:50]you get out
[2:54]here you need to be willing to confront
[2:56]yourself
[3:01]or you might come out here and discover
[3:07]that whatever brought you out here in
[3:09]the first
[3:11]place is something that you're still
[3:13]stuck with stuck on
[3:20]or I mean you could completely change
[3:22]your life and and regret it
[3:26]because you're not changing the things
[3:29]that
[3:32]lead you to that regret in the first
[3:35]place and I just wonder how many of them
[3:37]feel like
[3:41]that but I also think that many
[3:47]people like I've had to face judgment
[3:50]from other people my entire
[3:54]life and I've come to realize that most
[3:56]people's opinions just don't matter
[3:59]because they live on the surface of
[4:01]life to give any weight to their opinion
[4:04]is
[4:05]just it's
[4:13]dumb and I wonder if a lot of these
[4:17]people come out
[4:19]here if they're not really confronting
[4:23]themselves at all if they're just
[4:28]running like they're there was this one
[4:30]person who came overnight and they left
[4:32]first thing in the
[4:34]morning to come all the way up here to
[4:38]spend I don't even know 10 to 12 hours
[4:41]and then to move
[4:45]on just got me thinking like what even
[4:48]was the point for that
[4:58]person I don't don't think
[5:02]that I
[5:05]mean everybody's different so if you're
[5:07]out here and you're
[5:13]just I mean I guess if it makes you
[5:18]happy I not trying to judge that that's
[5:22]not what I'm trying to say here
[5:30]I'm just very disappointed in
[5:33]humanity
[5:36]because we have created a world
[5:39]that is
[5:43]meaningless that has no purpose to
[5:50]it we're so disconnected from the things
[5:53]that
[5:54]matter from each
[5:58]other and and I've watched that happen
[6:00]over the
[6:02]decades we' become so
[6:07]disconnected we have these stupid
[6:09][ __ ]
[6:10]phones that are supposed to connect us
[6:13]to each other and they do the
[6:27]opposite I don't even know what to say
[6:30]after that because it is a
[6:33][Music]
[6:37]profound it is something
[6:42]that I think about a
[6:49]lot I wonder how many
[6:53]people have metacognition like I
[6:57]do I'm sure many don't get me wrong and
[7:01]in different ways to different
[7:05]degrees but for me my
[7:08]metacognition is a constant it might
[7:11]even be the thing that makes me
[7:16]integrated and I wonder how many people
[7:18]look at their lives the way that I do I
[7:22]confront
[7:23]myself today I was
[7:27]watching what in many ways is just super
[7:29]superficial and
[7:31]dumb
[7:33]Frasier I noticed that they had a they
[7:36]they brought the show back and I started
[7:39]watching it and I ended up watching
[7:41]quite a lot of it it was good and
[7:44]entertaining and
[7:46]funny and a complete waste of my
[7:51]time and I could just see myself sitting
[7:54]there watching this dumb stupid show on
[7:56]my
[7:57]phone out here in the middle of nowhere
[8:00]on top of a
[8:02]mountain knowing I was doing it because
[8:05]I was
[8:06]bored and asking myself is this really
[8:10]what I want to be doing with my
[8:12]time is this really I mean if that was
[8:15]the life I wanted to live then I should
[8:17]have just stayed in my
[8:22]house I'm not missing out
[8:26]by ignoring
[8:30]all the distractions that we've
[8:35]created I am loving a life
[8:39]that has more meaning and
[8:45]purpose where you have to be willing to
[8:47]embrace it and you have to be willing to
[8:50]confront
[8:55]yourself otherwise you just bring those
[8:57]old patterns from that life and into
[8:59]your new
[9:02]one and you don't solve the problems
[9:05]that you you wanted to
[9:09]solve you have to be willing to look at
[9:11]yourself or you'll never figure out what
[9:13]the real problems
[9:15]are and I know that most people
[9:19]don't they go through life and just
[9:22]blame others for their
[9:27]problems they have no attention
[9:36]span I just live on the surface of
[9:48]life I just don't understand how we
[9:50]could have created a world like this
[9:56]one that is so fractured and
[9:58]disconnected
[10:01]and empty and
[10:05]meaningless and they keep going down
[10:07]that
[10:12]path that's it's just not
[10:22]sustainable our modern
[10:25]world is empty it is full of people
[10:30]but it is
[10:33]empty it has no
[10:38]ethics it just uses people up it
[10:42]distracts them and uses up their
[10:50]energy spits them out at the end of
[10:53]their lives
[11:05]or the most advanced things ever created
[11:07]on this
[11:09]planet and we do not treat it with any
[11:12]intentionality at
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[11:18]all without
[11:22]respect we are part of this
[11:25]world and we just take advantage of it
[11:28]just like we take advantage of of each
[11:35]other it's impossible for someone like
[11:38]me to have respect for
[11:42]Humanity because I see at the micro and
[11:45]the macro
[11:55]levels so for someone like me to come
[11:58]out here
[12:01]that is a different thing
[12:48]I feel like it's going to take more time
[12:51]before
[12:54]I I don't know find some kind of peace
[12:57]with the state of the
[13:00]world if that's even
[13:03]possible cuz I think it's only going to
[13:05]get so much
[13:16]worse I never made this channel to
[13:19]entertain
[13:28]you this whole time I've been trying to
[13:30]wake you
[13:45]up what I recognize now
[13:49]that's there's only one thing that
[13:53]will do that that is the collapse of our
[13:56]systems
[14:01]people are so embedded in the lives they
[14:04]live they
[14:08]don't they don't look at things the same
[14:11]way I
[14:13]do they're not
[14:16]critical in the way that I
[14:21]am I just passively consume
[14:26]life their own and others
[14:47]so I imagine there will be many more
[14:49]moments like this
[14:53]one I deepen my understanding of myself
[14:56]and the world
[15:26]I don't want to live the way that you
[15:27]guys live
[15:32]I don't want to passively consume
[15:35]content of that's YouTube or
[15:44]Fraser there is a better life out
[15:48]there and I'm going to creade it for
[15:51]myself
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