[0:01]hello
[0:03]humans
[0:06]so I was in kind of a sour mood today
[0:09]for a
[0:10]while I didn't really understand why
[0:14]completely I had an idea but I
[0:18]didn't I understand
[0:20]now I am very close to my
[0:24]destination and I have no plan I really
[0:28]don't oh oh my God I get there and I'm
[0:31]on a campground for 2 days and that's it
[0:33]I have no plan after
[0:35]that and it's
[0:40]because it
[0:42]feels impossible for me to make a plan
[0:45]right
[0:47]now I don't know enough about the place
[0:49]I don't sit down and research
[0:52]things it's not how I work it just isn't
[0:57]I I trust in my path
[1:07]I mean it's complicated I researched
[1:09]some things right so I mean I've been a
[1:11]programmer all my
[1:14]life always learning you know but look
[1:17]at baby hello you what's up oh you look
[1:23]cute
[1:25]anyways when it comes to my my life
[1:32]guess I don't have this figured out yet
[1:33]is what it comes down
[1:35]to and I know that I'm going to have
[1:38]some serious challenges coming
[1:42]up and I don't know that I'm really
[1:44]prepared for them
[1:47]I I have systems I have backup systems I
[1:51]don't know how to use them like
[1:53]perfectly I'll
[1:56]learn
[1:58]um the ones I do know how to use I still
[2:02]you know like my solar I still need to
[2:03]learn like my power consumption
[2:05]needs I don't know where I'll be staying
[2:08]I don't know how hard it will be fine to
[2:10]find places to
[2:12]stay my money is running out I've been
[2:14]living on my savings this whole
[2:18]time my whole life is about to go
[2:20]through a Reckoning with these systems
[2:23]uh the soci hadle
[2:25]once and it feels necessary
[2:33]I have chosen a life separate from
[2:37]them so doesn't mean I avoid
[2:39]responsibility cuz I that's part of my
[2:42]character it's cor part of who I am
[2:45]I keep my promises I pay my debts all of
[2:49]that always
[2:51]have but for a while things are going to
[2:55]be very challenging
[3:01]because I can't afford all my
[3:04]bills and at the same time I have to be
[3:07]able to afford my
[3:12]lifestyle that's a delicate balance
[3:15]difficult one and until I can get back
[3:18]into freelance programming which I don't
[3:20]even know how easy that's going to be
[3:22]because I'm going to have to rebuild my
[3:24]profile and start from scratch I haven't
[3:26]had to do that in over a decade so
[3:30]have no idea what I'm stepping into
[3:34]there and I have no idea what I'm
[3:36]stepping to an
[3:38]organ and I'm just acknowledging all of
[3:42]this because I think it's important if
[3:44]you're following my journey you need to
[3:46]know that those tensions
[3:49]are something that I'm grappling
[3:53]with because there's a lesson in there
[3:55]for you you might notice that I'm not
[3:59]acting super
[4:01]anxious I'm
[4:04]acknowledging there's tension there's
[4:06]some fear there's
[4:12]uncertainty but there's also trust I
[4:14]trust myself to figure this out I always
[4:17]had my whole life every moment of my
[4:20]life no matter what I was dealing with
[4:23]homelessness
[4:25]um job transitions the fact I'm a high
[4:28]school dropout
[4:31]just every aspect of my life my whole
[4:35]life I have been adaptable and trusted
[4:38]in myself to just be fluid
[4:43]and Tackle whatever came my
[4:47]way and this will be no different so if
[4:50]you're watching my
[4:52]channel you're going to watch me
[4:54]continue to grow to learn to adapt
[5:02]to
[5:05]find a
[5:07]way because that's what I've always done
[5:09]is just find a
[5:11]way something inside of
[5:18]me I don't know how to put this part
[5:20]into words
[5:24]I I knew I had to embrace this lifestyle
[5:28]the life I was living
[5:30]was not
[5:31]meaningful at all it was empty it was a
[5:35]void it
[5:40]was I'm going to just I don't mean to
[5:44]offend anyone but I was living your
[5:47]life most of you okay whatever um I was
[5:51]living a normal societal life that did
[5:54]not reflect my values
[5:59]and that just drained me of all my vital
[6:03]energy I was a consumer just like
[6:07]everyone
[6:08]else and it left a void inside of
[6:14]me and I decided to do something about
[6:17]that and it has led me to where I am
[6:20]now somewhere in
[6:23]Idaho on my way to Oregon to live
[6:26]through autumn and winter on the coast
[6:30]and an
[6:31]RV with my cat Bailey over
[6:42]here I do want to inspire
[6:46]you I don't know why like it's just a
[6:49]thing for me where I've always felt
[6:51]compelled
[6:53]to not just live my life but use it
[6:56]as a mirror for others always trying to
[7:00]inspire in a in a sense I don't really
[7:02]know how to put that into words
[7:04]either if you're watching my
[7:08]channel what I hope you take from it
[7:11]it's not entertainment in my
[7:14]life um it's something way more
[7:19]personal that if I can do this then you
[7:23]can do whatever it is that you truly
[7:25]want to whatever's inside of you that
[7:27]you're not
[7:30]embracing
[7:33]yet whether it's a new lifestyle a new
[7:37]skill
[7:39]um acknowledgement
[7:46]that I mean there's just so many
[7:48]different facets to my life
[7:51]I I don't ignore
[7:54]anything I think that I'd model for you
[7:57]that
[8:00]you
[8:02]can think deeply about your life go deep
[8:05]inside of yourself and there's nothing
[8:08]too scary there there truly isn't
[8:12]there's nothing to
[8:13]judge I'm on camera without my teeth
[8:16]right
[8:18]now there's
[8:21]nothing that you can't
[8:27]face you're more resilient than you
[8:29]think you
[8:38]are and I think
[8:43]that for
[8:49]me I'm always proving that to the
[8:52]world CU I never give up I am resilient
[8:59]I always find a way and you can too