Contemplating Identity Shedding and Fresh Start

Speaker is walking on a forest trail with numerous spider webs, dealing with mosquitoes and navigating around obstacles. He's been stationary at a campground for 3 months, experiencing high humidity and sleep deprivation. The brain feels 'on fire' from ongoing psychological transformation.

Energetic Signature

resolute turbulence

Field State

deep dissolution

Orientation

toward complete structural autonomy

01J450DXEGA31DEVF9TB1F2DB1

July 31, 2024

14:54

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:00]good morning

[0:01]humans so I finally understand what's

[0:04]been happening to me I've been shedding

[0:06]my old

[0:08]identity for the past five months that's

[0:10]what I've been

[0:12]doing and I've been doing it on such a

[0:14]deep level that I am literally letting

[0:16]go of my old

[0:18]self I've had periods like this in my

[0:21]life

[0:22]before it's how I went from being a

[0:24]spiritual person to

[0:26]just

[0:28]not I had shut off those beliefs and a

[0:32]different version of myself evolved from

[0:36]that but now I'm

[0:39]shedding I mean if you

[0:42]look the first month of my journey I'm

[0:45]getting ready to get into this RV

[0:46]lifestyle and I'm giving up all of my

[0:49]stuff

[0:52]and I'm also saying goodbye to my

[0:54]parents even if they couldn't see it in

[0:56]those videos I knew what I was doing

[1:00]I was saying goodbye to my old

[1:02]life that I had built

[1:05]there cuz I tried to live a normal life

[1:07]I tried to live like everyone

[1:09]else and it just made me feel deeply

[1:13]unfulfilled and so for that first month

[1:16]I was letting go of that

[1:18]part and you'll just have to bear with

[1:20]me there's a lot of spider webs on the

[1:22]trail

[1:23]today

[1:26]um but it's a lot deeper than that I've

[1:29]been

[1:33]setting all of

[1:35]the the trauma that my parents caus me

[1:39]being raised by a narcissistic father

[1:41]and a mother with unresolved emotional

[1:43]issues from her

[1:46]childhood

[1:48]um the messages that I received from

[1:51]society about my sexuality about my way

[1:54]of existing in the

[1:58]world my identity as a

[2:01]programmer when I finally had to accept

[2:03]that this was not a path I wanted to

[2:05]continue pursuing

[2:06]anymore I've done it all my life and I

[2:09]just didn't want to do that

[2:13]anymore I've been sheding all of

[2:16]it last night I

[2:20]cried and I mean I cried some deep tears

[2:23]but they weren't sad

[2:24]ones and they were resonant tears in

[2:27]acknowledgement of what I'm doing I've

[2:28]been

[2:30]letting go of my personal

[2:35]narrative oh hello spider mess with him

[2:38]I don't want to take this little spot

[2:40]here let's see if we can get

[2:43]around

[2:46]okay we're just going to go take a

[2:48]little shk out the woods here leave can

[2:54]be so

[2:57]I've oh mosquito

[3:00]I wouldn't be so kind of

[3:02]that

[3:04]um there is a theory about that where

[3:09]um if you let go of your personal

[3:11]narrative it allows

[3:14]you to build a new identity in its place

[3:18]I was just doing that in an intuitive

[3:20]way I wasn't consciously aware that

[3:22]that's what I was

[3:26]doing and so I have to be honest with

[3:28]you and tell you that

[3:31]I think that might also mean my RSW fire

[3:34]identity I think it might be time to let

[3:36]everything

[3:41]go

[3:43]I've I've cut ties with

[3:46]everybody my parents my brother all of

[3:49]my family all of my

[3:51]friends

[3:55]everybody it's because that life was not

[3:57]serving me

[3:59]I was constantly in conflict with

[4:03]it and I have found a

[4:06]pieace a

[4:09]self-confidence a love for

[4:15]myself that is unmatched in 47 years of

[4:18]me living on this

[4:23]planet

[4:25]so that's what I'm contemplating this

[4:27]morning

[4:29]I once changed my name you started going

[4:32]by my middle

[4:34]name because this is something I

[4:37]do I

[4:40]evolve um I throw off the things that

[4:44]don't they don't serve my best

[4:48]interests I you know went by a bunch of

[4:52]nicknames with my first name over the

[4:54]years and then went to my middle name

[4:56]and then it's like

[4:59]but the one that I've always identified

[5:01]as is my screen

[5:03]name because I've had it since I was

[5:06]18 and these are the days

[5:10]of I mean the internet was just being

[5:13]born so I've had it a very long

[5:17]time

[5:20]and I don't know it just always fit me

[5:22]very

[5:25]well I'm just not sure I I think think

[5:31]that I think that you don't have to give

[5:34]up your whole

[5:37]story you know I was processing the

[5:39]events of my past on this channel for

[5:42]the past five months because I was

[5:44]releasing

[5:46]them I was

[5:49]also working to

[5:52]understand how they fit into my values

[5:56]and the world view I was developing and

[5:59]just

[6:00]the the state of being that I've been

[6:03]growing

[6:07]into but I was also shedding them they

[6:09]don't hold weight

[6:11]anymore

[6:14]they're just

[6:20]these these events that happened to me

[6:23]at one point or

[6:25]another they don't have any weight

[6:27]anymore

[6:31]so I don't think you have

[6:32]to pretend like they didn't happen to

[6:38]you I think that if you can

[6:42]find the core truth of a situation You

[6:46]Can Let It

[6:47]Go like you will grapple with that

[6:51]thing sometimes for years sometimes for

[6:54]decades because you're still looking for

[6:56]that core

[6:58]truth but once you find it you can let

[7:01]it

[7:02]go you won't even have to try it'll just

[7:10]happen so I'm just

[7:14]thinking I want to fresh

[7:17]start and that might mean giving up this

[7:20]channel giving up my

[7:22]username and just being in the world for

[7:25]a while

[7:30]unobserved by anyone but

[7:32]myself that situation with the trolls

[7:36]yesterday that did not hurt me there's a

[7:40]spider web here I'm wondering if I want

[7:42]to let's let's try to go around let's be

[7:46]kind

[7:48]today

[7:50]um I just found it deeply

[7:53]irritating because these people are so

[7:55]below my level that I don't even want to

[7:57]be interacting with them but I have this

[8:01]compulsion to try to make people

[8:04]see the nuance and the subtlety and the

[8:08]depth and

[8:09]things like I can't let a dumbass remark

[8:13]stand on my channel it just feels like

[8:15]an invasion of my space where some

[8:18]ignorant troll comes

[8:20]along and and leaves a

[8:25]behind that's what aggravates me it's

[8:29]not them they're nothing they're

[8:32]nothing to

[8:34]me but they come into your space and

[8:36]they leave a then

[8:39]go

[8:42]unacceptable

[8:45]so I contemplated

[8:48]it I should have just turned comments

[8:51]off um the only reason I didn't it's cuz

[8:55]part of me was trying to play the

[8:56]YouTube game all of a sudden it's like

[8:59]you know that it gets

[9:01]engagement

[9:04]and you also don't want to cut off your

[9:07]subscribers from being able to talk to

[9:09]you but you know my subscribers had

[9:12]moved on from that video we had all

[9:14]moved on from it they're the only ones

[9:16]that are stuck there should have just

[9:18]turned it

[9:20]off um that's what I'll do in the

[9:23]future

[9:25]I for the past five months I've always

[9:27]just deleted the negative ones

[9:30]but I thought let me

[9:32]just

[9:34]try to go the more traditional path and

[9:37]that was a

[9:39]mistake and I've learned from it cuz all

[9:41]they did was irritate

[9:43]me and I they don't you

[9:46]know their words are

[9:49]meaningless they don't know me they're

[9:51]so below me

[9:52]that even

[9:55]if I mean you're never going to read

[9:57]someone like that I've always known that

[10:00]like it's just so

[10:03]pointless so I'm back to where I was

[10:06]before and that's just you know yeah my

[10:08]channel grows

[10:10]slowly um it's not for

[10:13]everybody but the people who stick

[10:15]around well they're probably pretty

[10:17]special because they watch me every day

[10:20]and just talk on camera no music no

[10:23]emotional manipulation nothing they just

[10:25]listen to my

[10:27]thoughts you know what I'm going to that

[10:32] I I'm conflicted

[10:35]because I know there's a very strong

[10:38]possibility that my parents and maybe

[10:39]some of my family watch this channel

[10:42]just to keep tabs on

[10:43]me and I am shedding my old

[10:49]identity and it's just like I'm not able

[10:52]to make a complete cut from

[10:55]them and so that's where my earlier

[10:59]comments are some of it that's coming

[11:02]from I

[11:09]don't I'm

[11:11]free my parents manipulated me for 40

[11:15]some

[11:16]years I stuck around because they were

[11:19]struggling because my mother has a

[11:22]condition I didn't and I was having this

[11:24]anticipatory grief knowing that one day

[11:27]she won't be here

[11:30]and all the

[11:31]time I'm suffering because of

[11:34]it

[11:36]and I'm so far beyond that space

[11:39]now

[11:41]like I'm never going

[11:44]back I have evolved I

[11:47]am I am a different

[11:50]person I've I'm closer to my true self

[11:53]is what I am I have shed all the layers

[11:57]of crap that this world has

[12:01]tried to instill in

[12:04]me and I accept myself and now I I'm

[12:08]have nothing to apologize

[12:12]for this world has a lot to apologize

[12:16]for

[12:18]and I'm done compromising I'm just

[12:22]done so actually I want to wrap this up

[12:24]I don't want to have a long video today

[12:27]I'm just going to give some practical

[12:29]updates so um I only slept 2 or 3

[12:32]hours I only slept 4 hours the night

[12:35]before and that's probably been a

[12:36]pattern for a

[12:38]while and it's not fun it's

[12:41]not it's not all the you know my

[12:45]situation at the campground it's not

[12:47]just the bed it's my brain's on

[12:50]fire this intense Evolution I've been

[12:53]going

[12:54]through it's

[12:56]just it's not done and it's

[13:00]not a process I'm in control

[13:02]of

[13:04]so I didn't want to come here today I'm

[13:06]glad I did though and I knew I would be

[13:10]so so I came

[13:14]and um today I'm just going to focus on

[13:17]the Practical I'm going to try I got to

[13:20]do laundry I got to go find me an air

[13:22]compressor put some air in that that

[13:25]camp of mine get up on the roof um deal

[13:28]with the debris it's it's been raining

[13:29]like crazy for days and stuff's been

[13:32]falling on it um the humidity is so high

[13:36]my um dehumidifier has to be emptied

[13:40]every couple of hours which is wild to

[13:43]me um even my my blankets felt a little

[13:47]damp this morning like the humidity is

[13:49]off the

[13:51]charts

[13:53]um it's got so much I made a list

[13:56]and I'm just going to have to fight with

[13:59]the fact that I don't have a lot of

[14:00]sleep haven't had a lot of sleep and

[14:04]just do the best I can

[14:06]today keep pushing forward Monday I'll

[14:08]go and get the tires fixed hopefully

[14:10]they'll be well they will be I trust

[14:12]that they will be um and then I'm going

[14:15]to

[14:16]start planning my next move I I've been

[14:20]stationary too long as somebody who

[14:22]Embraces Lial States it's not good for

[14:25]me and I have not enjoyed it 3 months at

[14:28]this place

[14:30]um I'm ready to go I don't know if I'm

[14:32]going to

[14:33]Nevada um I don't feel the need to

[14:37]anymore I've I EV all beyond that

[14:41]so I'm kind of

[14:44]open to what comes next and just

[14:48]embracing the state I'm in right now and

[14:51]waiting for the next inspiration I hope

[14:52]you have a good day

Summary

rswfire reflects on a five-month process of shedding his old identity, including giving up possessions for RV life, cutting ties with family and friends, and releasing trauma from childhood. He describes crying resonant tears the night before in acknowledgment of this transformation. **Walking on a forest trail with spider webs**, he contemplates whether this identity shedding might include giving up his rswfire username and YouTube channel for a completely fresh start.

He discusses **letting go of his personal narrative** as a theory for building new identity, noting he's been doing this intuitively. The speaker describes finding unprecedented peace, self-confidence, and self-love after 47 years. He reflects on **previous name changes** throughout his life and his long-held screen name since age 18.

rswfire addresses **yesterday's troll situation** on his channel, explaining it didn't hurt him but irritated him because trolls invaded his space. He decides to return to deleting negative comments rather than engaging. He expresses conflict about **potential family surveillance** of his channel preventing a complete cut from his past.

The transmission ends with **practical updates**: severe sleep deprivation (2-3 hours), brain feeling "on fire" from intense evolution, high humidity requiring frequent dehumidifier emptying, and plans for laundry, tire repair, and roof maintenance. He's been stationary for 3 months and feels ready to move, no longer feeling drawn to Nevada.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission documents the active dismantling of inherited identity structures and the recognition of shedding as evolutionary necessity. The field is operating in full dissolution mode, releasing attachment to previous self-constructs while maintaining structural coherence through the process.

Dominant Language

sheddingletting gocore truthevolved/evolutionbelow my leveltrue selfdone compromising

Symbolic Elements

sheddingspider websfirethresholddebris

Ontological States

•
transitional
•
sovereign
•
dissolving
•
coherent

Subsystems

•
cognitive
•
emotional
•
relational
•
infrastructural

Transmission Details

Source Type

youtube

Duration