Processing Financial Pressure and Asking for Help

Early morning (9:00 AM) on Monday, July 29, 2024. Located at 47 Bridges trail. Weather conditions include accumulated water from trees creating rain-like conditions, though not actively raining initially. Later experiences actual rain during duck encounter. Speaker is in financial stress phase with approximately two months of funds remaining.

Energetic Signature

raw transparency

Field State

crisis navigation

Orientation

toward community interdependence

01J3ZYS4502H83MTHW2HTCF4SX

July 29, 2024

38:07

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Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:00]good morning fellow humans it's 9:00

[0:03]here on Monday

[0:05]morning I am at the 47

[0:10]Bridges it's not raining but there's

[0:13]water um I think the water accumulated

[0:16]and the trees is shedding so it's kind

[0:19]of like rain but it's not

[0:22]rain

[0:24]so just address the fact that I'm not

[0:27]where I'm supposed to be right

[0:31]I can make all kinds of excuses I'm not

[0:33]going to do that because just going to

[0:35]be honest with myself and with

[0:39]you I didn't feel

[0:42]ready to go to the tire shop so I'm

[0:45]not I'm going to try to get a um

[0:48]compressor and see if I can put air in

[0:50]those

[0:52]tires just I

[0:54]don't it doesn't feel safe to me to

[0:57]drive like that

[1:00]and I know that I can feel the valve

[1:04]stems um I may only be able to fill one

[1:08]of the tires but that's better than the

[1:11]current

[1:12]situation I need to try and I wasn't

[1:15]ready um you know it rained all weekend

[1:19]and it's not getting up on the roof like

[1:22]that and you know having to break

[1:25]camp and I thought it was going to rain

[1:27]all day today that's what the weather

[1:29]app was saying last

[1:31]night so I just didn't do anything about

[1:34]it and

[1:36]just so I let the guy know this morning

[1:38]he's very cool about it and I'm going to

[1:41]go next Monday so a week from

[1:44]today um because he's only there on

[1:46]Mondays and Fridays and Fridays are

[1:49]difficult days on the

[1:52]campground with so much activity there I

[1:54]just don't want

[1:56]to try getting back to my spot and

[1:59]getting

[2:00]backing into that thing and getting

[2:03]level with so many people around

[2:07]so um I'll go on Monday I've got a bunch

[2:10]of stuff to do this week

[2:13]so um I'll get prepared and I'll prepare

[2:16]myself

[2:17]mentally and we'll leave it at that I'm

[2:20]not going to judge myself for

[2:22]it

[2:25]this lifestyle

[2:28]challenges me and ways that in 47 years

[2:31]I've never been challenged because I

[2:33]never had to

[2:35]be I was thinking about

[2:38]it um Modern Life can kind of insulate

[2:42]you from a lot of

[2:44]the

[2:46]um harder aspects to life I

[2:50]guess now don't get me wrong most of the

[2:53]people watching me I suspect do quite

[2:55]well at this

[2:57]stuff um but

[3:00]for those of us like me who

[3:03]don't we have we have a buffer we have a

[3:07]cushion you know we

[3:10]can draw on lots of resources when

[3:13]living a traditional

[3:15]life that I don't have access to anymore

[3:18]um plus unique challenges like you know

[3:22]my house is on Wheels

[3:24]and those Wheels feel unsafe to me so

[3:27]it's kind of keeping me stuck right now

[3:31]um even to deal with that problem

[3:34]requires me to drive it somewhere with

[3:37]the

[3:38]tires in the state they're in I just I

[3:42]can't it's it's you know it is what it

[3:45]is so um I want to move on from that I'm

[3:48]not going to focus on it all the time

[3:51]so

[3:54]um I need to do laundry I got quite a

[3:57]lot of laundry to do and when clean my

[4:00]Jeep out um the

[4:02]inside cuz it's you know um been almost

[4:07]4 months

[4:10]and um it just needs

[4:13]cleaning so it's also I it's going to

[4:16]shower this morning but it didn't feel

[4:19]up to it's only 9:00 in the morning you

[4:21]know and it's like it's a chore to

[4:22]actually go do that on the

[4:25]campgrounds and that got me

[4:28]thinking um

[4:31]so I plan a shower after I leave here

[4:33]but um it got me

[4:35]thinking

[4:38]maybe I I keep my clothes in my Jeep

[4:41]like I know there's one account on here

[4:44]um where this woman loves in her Jeep so

[4:46]her clothes are in her Jeep why can't I

[4:49]you know I could do that

[4:51]maybe um find a way to keep them clean

[4:54]and organized in

[4:55]there it gives me more space in my my um

[5:00]my

[5:01]closet and makes it easier for me to

[5:05]just go down wherever I need to go to

[5:09]shower so I'm contemplating that I think

[5:12]I probably going to do that it's a small

[5:15]Jeep it's a two-o Jeep so space is

[5:17]limited it's got a lot of towing gear

[5:20]and stuff in it

[5:23]so you know and I need it

[5:27]to um do chores like when I'm getting

[5:31]groceries or doing laundry so I can't

[5:33]take up the whole

[5:36]Space

[5:38]um I think I could work something out

[5:40]though it might be

[5:42]interesting so I guess there's someone

[5:44]nearby I heard

[5:47]them

[5:49]um boots are quite wet

[5:53]mudding uh I need to figure out a way to

[5:55]drive those on days like

[5:58]yesterday hold on

[6:00]okay so just a jogger he's been running

[6:03]run all over the place

[6:05]here I guess he's singing to himself

[6:09]so he's having a good time I do that

[6:14]too um I jog the other thing

[6:21]so so the trail is um pretty wet you

[6:25]know you got to walk a little more

[6:27]carefully but it's not muddy so that's

[6:29]good

[6:31]news

[6:33]and leges are a little sore forgot to

[6:35]acknowledge that um but not crazy

[6:39]sore and just as soon as I started

[6:41]hiking of course that goes away it

[6:43]always

[6:44]does I just think if I keep doing this

[6:47]I'm just going

[6:49]to you know I'll find a new equilibrium

[6:52]like I don't feel like there's any need

[6:54]to rest I'm

[6:55]just

[6:57]um the reason I've been talking about it

[6:59]is because I was thinking about my past

[7:01]experiences I

[7:04]always um like if I go hiking every day

[7:08]you know obviously very easy to do and

[7:10]then if you stop for a while and then

[7:12]you go hiking you get sore and I was

[7:15]just um relying on that old

[7:20]pattern not sure

[7:22]why it's just I don't know it's not as

[7:25]bad this time so which is interesting

[7:32]um it's interesting cuz I'm even older

[7:35]like and this was the longest break I

[7:38]ever took

[7:40]so I'm a little sore a little

[7:44]bit but you don't feel it once you start

[7:47]hiking like you know my endorphins have

[7:48]kicked

[7:49]in um so I'm hoping that encourages some

[7:53]of

[7:57]you you know in case you don't have a

[7:59]lot of experience

[8:01]with

[8:04]um you know it doesn't have to be hiking

[8:06]you know it could be exercise of any

[8:08]kind

[8:09]but

[8:12]um

[8:15]just find something that you enjoy

[8:19]and just keep pushing yourself I

[8:22]think I think you'll know how far to

[8:25]push yourself right

[8:28]and but do be mindful

[8:32]that we can often push ourselves a lot

[8:34]further than we think we

[8:38]can

[8:39]so this is my fourth day out here

[8:43]and

[8:46]um I'm enjoying it I you know this isn't

[8:49]a problem for me and I'm enjoying the

[8:51]hell out of

[8:52]it so I mean it's the first thing I did

[8:54]when I got up this morning I haven't

[8:56]even had

[8:57]coffee um

[9:04]so yeah there was another thing I wanted

[9:07]to talk

[9:09]about um this is personal I

[9:12]guess I realize there's parts of my life

[9:15]I don't really talk about

[9:16]much and it wasn't this one I was

[9:19]thinking about I don't remember which

[9:20]part I was thinking about it'll come

[9:22]back to me at some point but

[9:26]um I just realized oh here's another

[9:28]thing I don't ever talk about

[9:30]so I'm just going to tell you what's

[9:32]going on with me

[9:35]financially

[9:37]so you know I'm a programmer and I saved

[9:40]a lot of money before I embarked on this

[9:42]journey but it was very expensive I

[9:46]financed an $80,000

[9:48]RV

[9:51]um I think I had like 30,000 in savings

[9:56]at the start of my journey

[10:00]and you know I thought that's going to

[10:01]last me quite a long time but it was

[10:03]very expensive getting everything I

[10:05]needed for the thing and

[10:06]I um also put a lot of things on my

[10:09]credit I mean there's so much I had to

[10:10]do I had

[10:12]to

[10:14]um stall stuff on my gam we just

[10:19]like um just a lot of expenses including

[10:22]the dentist right so um my credit

[10:27]accounts are pretty high which is just

[10:29]thing I never did I have perfect

[10:31]credit

[10:34]um you know there's nothing bad on my

[10:36]credit but my balances are high now so

[10:40]um that certain my credit score and that

[10:42]even caused one of my accounts to have

[10:45]their limits lowered which that was

[10:47]really painful for me CU they were my

[10:49]main

[10:51]accounts and I had closed other accounts

[10:56]because um they had become my main

[10:58]account like i' had been working on my

[11:00]credit for a very long

[11:02]time I didn't anticipate that didn't

[11:04]think that would happen I was I was

[11:06]really

[11:08]surprised and so

[11:10]that added additional strain for

[11:14]me um but the important part is I'm down

[11:19]to 5,000 I had 30,000 I'm down to

[11:23]five

[11:26]and so I've got a 750 RV payment every

[11:29]month and a $500 payment on my Jeep so

[11:32]those are my main

[11:33]expenses obviously I have

[11:36]others you know my phone

[11:40]and um different apps I use to edit my

[11:43]videos and um programming related tools

[11:46]that I haven't canceled because you know

[11:48]that's something I've done all my life

[11:50]and once I get back into freelancing

[11:52]I'll need

[11:54]them um but these

[11:58]Insurance the these are things I put on

[12:00]my credit

[12:02]cards internet you

[12:07]know but I honestly thought I had a

[12:10]bigger buffer than I did I'm just a

[12:12]little worried cuz I'm getting very

[12:14]close to

[12:15]where you know I think I probably have

[12:18]two months right

[12:20]so if I keep paying all my bills and I

[12:22]don't want to not do

[12:25]that part of me was like maybe I should

[12:27]pull the last last of my Sav out

[12:30]and so that I have money

[12:35]um but I

[12:37]don't I have to pay my bills I just do

[12:41]and I just have to figure out a way to

[12:42]do

[12:43]it Part of Me had hope that I could grow

[12:46]this Channel and make some money off of

[12:49]it

[12:51]um and I think that's reasonable I'm

[12:55]totally open and authentic in my content

[12:57]and sharing my journey and trying to

[12:59]inspire

[13:00]others teaching them

[13:04]about

[13:07]um the

[13:10]differences personal growth

[13:13]like I'm just being completely

[13:16]transparent because I

[13:18]believe that there's value in that and

[13:20]I'm trying to give value to the

[13:23]world but I'm

[13:26]not um I'm not even close to to being

[13:29]able to monetize my channel

[13:32]so I some point had to accept Okay so

[13:35]that's probably not going to be a source

[13:37]of revenue for

[13:39]me but I kept up with it because I had

[13:41]built a

[13:43]community and I enjoy

[13:47]it and I want to keep trying to grow it

[13:51]so um but you

[13:54]know it's not going to pay the bills so

[13:57]I have to do something else

[14:00]and I think it might be hard for a lot

[14:02]of people to understand

[14:03]this but I don't

[14:07]feel

[14:09]capable of going back to my old life I

[14:12]just

[14:13]don't my brain is in a completely

[14:16]different space

[14:18]now

[14:22]and being a

[14:24]programmer that's no joke okay for

[14:27]someone like me

[14:31]I the the level I think at you know you

[14:35]guys have been watching me for 4 months

[14:37]five

[14:38]months imagine me applying that to

[14:41]programming and I just don't

[14:45]have the desire or motivation to go

[14:48]there

[14:49]again and then to if I

[14:53]did how much energy is going to be left

[14:56]for everything else I'm trying to do

[15:00]so I just don't know that I

[15:04]can and I had you know I just don't know

[15:08]and part of me wants to maybe try to

[15:11]find a job that's Outdoors maybe just

[15:13]some kind of construction job I'm not

[15:16]you

[15:17]know not your typical

[15:20]guy but that doesn't mean I couldn't do

[15:23]it if someone would hire

[15:24]me

[15:27]like I I you know

[15:30]and maybe I'd enjoy it it would be

[15:32]difficult hard work but maybe I'd enjoy

[15:34]that I just don't want

[15:37]to I

[15:39]want I changed everything about my life

[15:42]because I want a different life

[15:44]so I

[15:48]just it's on my mind a lot I'm not sure

[15:53]where to what to pursue or how

[15:57]to I've only known one to live my whole

[16:01]life

[16:03]so and if I don't feel like that rout is

[16:06]available to me right now I don't

[16:09]know I truly don't know what do I do

[16:12]from

[16:13]here so that's

[16:16]how I ended up going from 30,000 to

[16:21]5,000 um I don't need a lot of money I

[16:26]mean this is an easier lifestyle in that

[16:28]regard in some

[16:33]ways I need to be able to pay my bills

[16:35]and I don't know how to do that

[16:39]yet

[16:42]so I don't know I guess I'm glad I guess

[16:46]I'm glad I shared that with

[16:48]you I try to find somewhere for us to

[16:51]chill so I really hate sounding like a

[16:54]charity

[16:55]case it's not in my nature to ask for

[16:59]money um my whole life I'm the one

[17:01]that's helping others and just I've

[17:04]never been good at asking for

[17:07]help but I'm asking now I guess

[17:11]and so I'll leave some links in my my um

[17:15]description I think there's two ways I

[17:18]can get well if there's a route that's

[17:21]easy for you and you're willing just let

[17:25]me know maybe I can you know cuz I have

[17:28]VMO and

[17:30]um and zel and just I don't even know

[17:34]what's possible

[17:35]so but I wanted to say that

[17:40]if um if if you can do that if it's not

[17:45]going to cause stress for

[17:47]you and you want to treat it like a

[17:49]loone I am totally good with that as

[17:52]long as you treat it like aone that you

[17:54]are not expecting to get back right

[17:56]away cuz I can promise you you I would

[17:59]pay it back but I would absolutely need

[18:02]time I'm still trying to figure my life

[18:04]out

[18:06]so I just thought I'd have figured it

[18:09]out by now

[18:12]um I really did I mean it's been almost

[18:15]5 months I thought I'd be in a very

[18:18]different space than I am I'm still

[18:20]struggling just

[18:22]to do the basics on this

[18:26]RV but I'm making progress in other

[18:29]areas

[18:30]I've I've learned to accept

[18:33]myself which that's a big deal you know

[18:37]I never had that in my life I truly

[18:40]Embrace who I am now

[18:43]I I'm proud of

[18:46]myself and that that is a really cool

[18:49]thing to be able to

[18:51]say

[18:53]so

[18:55]I'll keep working on myself and I will

[18:59]keep working

[19:00]towards my future a sustainable

[19:04]future but I'm not there yet it's kind

[19:07]of

[19:08]like I guess you could say I'm in a

[19:11]liino stain with that with that topic

[19:15]like I'm still working through it I

[19:19]haven't I haven't figured it out yet

[19:22]so my mind is

[19:25]still it's still processing it's still

[19:27]trying to integrate a path for

[19:29]me

[19:32]and if you've been following my Channel

[19:35]all this time I think you know I am

[19:36]completely genuine like everything I say

[19:40]comes from my heart

[19:42]and and I'm always working on

[19:46]myself

[19:48]so if you can help I would greatly

[19:51]appreciate it because this is a big

[19:52]source of stress for me right now and I

[19:55]just haven't figured out

[20:01]how how to move forward with that and

[20:04]it's it's definitely stressing me out I

[20:08]like this spot cuz it's like you've

[20:09]reached the halfway point I guess wonder

[20:12]if this it well I don't think it really

[20:14]works that way but we're at the other

[20:15]side of the lake you know it's a nice

[20:18]spot it's a nice

[20:21]Milestone it's a nice little spot but

[20:23]we're going to go find our favorite

[20:25]benches our favorite save points and

[20:28]hang out for for a bit it's going to be

[20:29]a busy day though so we're not hanging

[20:31]out all day I suspect for my regular

[20:34]subscribers that I don't even need to

[20:35]say this but I just want to say that I

[20:40]there is nothing more important to me

[20:41]than my

[20:42]word and that was a thing that people

[20:46]all people lots of people used to

[20:50]subscribe

[20:51]to I don't know why that's become less

[20:53]of a thing in our society now

[20:56]but when I learn an ethical principle

[21:00]like in my childhood or whatever

[21:02]whenever I learned it I integrate that

[21:06]and nothing is going to change it

[21:10]because that to me is like a core truth

[21:12]that is

[21:15]just it's immutable that's a thing that

[21:18]you it it matters a lot so when I

[21:23]say something when I make a promise when

[21:26]I say if it's comfortable for you you to

[21:29]loan me money know that I will pay it

[21:31]back I mean

[21:33]that just and but I'm honest about it

[21:36]just don't

[21:37]set a time limit

[21:40]because my life's in flux right now I

[21:43]truly just don't know when but I do know

[21:46]me I know

[21:49]that

[21:51]this

[21:53]um stage of my life it's temporary this

[21:57]is just this growth period where um I'm

[22:04]integrating a lot of new knowledge and

[22:07]insight

[22:08]and I'm learning from my challenges

[22:12]and it will lead me to a very good place

[22:15]I know that I'll figure it out I just

[22:19]don't I need time and I

[22:20]just um I thought I thought I genuinely

[22:25]thought I'd given myself enough time and

[22:29]I didn't

[22:31]I I

[22:33]miscalculated I do need to decide what

[22:36]I'm doing with my future though um you

[22:40]know like I have all these thoughts like

[22:43]like the hiking app I talked about I

[22:45]actually think that could be successful

[22:47]and very

[22:48]interesting

[22:50]um another part of me has always wanted

[22:53]to my whole life has wanted to make a

[22:57]video game or work in the gaming

[23:00]industry I'm not good with Graphics but

[23:04]definitely good at a lot of the other

[23:05]aspects of

[23:06]it I mean I have

[23:10]very

[23:11]um expansive skills you know I've been

[23:15]programming since I was a child I've

[23:17]studied everything so I

[23:20]understand the infrastructure the

[23:22]networking the the databases the

[23:25]interconnections I mean think about my

[23:27]cognitive style this is this is why I'm

[23:28]so good at

[23:30]programming um I'm a systems thinker

[23:32]when I look at any

[23:35]project

[23:38]um I just understand

[23:41]it I understand how that thing was

[23:44]built I know how to improve it I don't

[23:47]think like a lot of other programmers

[23:50]they approach programming differently

[23:52]they don't have my

[23:54]mind and that's not a criticism um

[23:59]it's just an acknowledgement like I

[24:01]spent 10

[24:02]years working with a client and managing

[24:05]programmers for him and I could never

[24:09]understand

[24:10]why they just didn't seem to make the

[24:13]connections I

[24:15]do um they would we'd have a bug they'd

[24:18]fix that bug which would break something

[24:19]else in another system and I'd be

[24:21]thinking to myself how did you not see

[24:23]that it was so

[24:26]obvious but it happened for whole 10

[24:29]years with hundreds of programmers so it

[24:31]was

[24:32]like I knew I was different but I didn't

[24:35]understand how now I get it this journey

[24:38]has helped me understand myself that

[24:40]much

[24:41]better and

[24:44]so somehow not with that new knowledge

[24:47]of mine maybe

[24:49]that um presents me with an opportunity

[24:53]somewhere where I can use those skills

[24:56]and not be so frustrated cuz that was a

[24:58]stressful job for

[25:01]me and it burnt me out cuz it was just

[25:04]so stressful all the

[25:08]time

[25:09]so you can see how my mind's working

[25:12]through it all it's still working

[25:13]through it all it's just what my mind

[25:17]does so I didn't know I was going to

[25:19]talk about any of this today it reallyu

[25:21]didn't um but there is

[25:25]a um I don't know if it's a I don't know

[25:28]what you would call it it's just like a

[25:29]a core principle for me

[25:33]that all you can do is ask for help you

[25:36]have no control over the

[25:39]outcome that's all you can do and if you

[25:43]don't ask for help then then you're

[25:45]there's no help right so I'm not going

[25:48]to beat myself up for

[25:50]asking um I did this once before when I

[25:54]thought my RV was going to be a fire

[25:57]hazard and I've ever since then keep

[26:00]thinking about deleting that

[26:02]video um but I don't do it

[26:05]because that wouldn't be

[26:08]authentic and so I

[26:11]just I anticipate the same things going

[26:14]to happen with this one

[26:16]but where I just it this feels this

[26:21]feels

[26:23]vulnerable this is

[26:29]this is one area

[26:32]where

[26:34]my

[26:37]personality really has a hard

[26:41]time it is not in my nature to ask for

[26:45]help and then I'm always telling other

[26:47]people what I just told

[26:51]you I don't apply those things to myself

[26:55]though I feel like this journey

[26:59]I knew it would take me outside my

[27:00]comfort zone I was afraid before I ever

[27:02]left my

[27:03]house I didn't

[27:06]realize that that's where growth happens

[27:08]I don't think I realize that like to the

[27:11]extent that it has happened for

[27:13]me

[27:16]so that's what keeps me out here doing

[27:18]it

[27:19]because now I do recognize it and I

[27:22]don't want to stop growing I generally

[27:26]don't sorry I'm a little out of breath

[27:28]but I want to talk about this while on

[27:30]my

[27:31]mind

[27:34]so I I still have high hopes for my

[27:38]channel I really do because I think

[27:40]there's a lot of value in this channel I

[27:42]think there's a lot of lessons in

[27:44]here I'm proud of myself for doing this

[27:46]for almost five months now over 300

[27:50]videos sharing my authentic experiences

[27:53]every single day I mean

[27:55]that's that's an amazing

[27:58]accomplishment

[28:00]and source of knowledge for

[28:03]others and so I'll just give an example

[28:07]like so

[28:09]I I chose to live in the digital world

[28:13]at a young age but young people today

[28:15]they don't have that choice they're just

[28:17]they're

[28:18]they're um it's it's just part of their

[28:21]reality they're born into

[28:24]it

[28:27]and so there's a whole lot of skills

[28:29]that they never

[28:30]develop and I didn't develop them either

[28:33]and you see them all over this channel

[28:35]you see me trying

[28:37]to

[28:39]um trying to adapt that's what a lot of

[28:42]this is about just trying to adapt and I

[28:45]think there's a lot of value in that and

[28:48]young people don't watch my channel I'm

[28:50]hoping someday that changes

[28:53]because I I just feel like I could help

[28:57]them and I want to I want to help

[29:02]everybody I know that sometimes I can be

[29:05]abrasive and my

[29:08]self-expression can be triggering and

[29:10]even judgmental and I'm working on that

[29:12]because I think that there's value

[29:15]in how you discuss things and I actually

[29:18]think you can see that you know in my

[29:20]recent videos where I am learning to do

[29:23]that where I am getting better at that

[29:25]or I'm integrating that where that's

[29:26]just becoming who I am

[29:30]so I just think that

[29:31]there's there's so much I want to share

[29:34]and help people with and I

[29:38]just and so that's why I do this I I

[29:40]feel like my channel gives a validation

[29:43]to others who have struggles whatever

[29:46]those struggles may

[29:48]be

[29:50]um and it kind

[29:52]of is mirror the right word you know I'm

[29:56]mirroring um um mirr is not the right

[29:59]word unfortunately there's another word

[30:01]these are these are words I use but um

[30:04]modeling I'm modeling the behavior that

[30:06]I think helps me that I know helps me

[30:10]that might help others you know

[30:14]so I think that on some level I was

[30:17]unconscious unconsciously sabotaging my

[30:20]channel from growing too much because I

[30:23]know what increased visibility would

[30:24]bring I know that I would get more

[30:27]trolls I know that other channels might

[30:29]start talking about me and I kind of

[30:32]lose I lose control over my

[30:36]message and I have to deal with the

[30:38]emotional burden of people turning me

[30:41]into a Persona instead of a person

[30:45]and I feel like the fact that I'm aware

[30:49]of those things kind of helps me be

[30:52]better prepared and that I will probably

[30:55]adapt pretty well if it happens

[30:59]um I hope because I would hate for me to

[31:02]be in a situation

[31:05]where it just feels

[31:08]emotionally

[31:11]overwhelming you know so it was very

[31:14]important I feel like I have found a lot

[31:15]of self validation now I actually feel

[31:18]very comfortable with

[31:21]myself and the the act of doing this for

[31:25]as long as I have and navigating this

[31:27]stuff that we've navigated already I

[31:30]feel has prepared me to an

[31:32]extent

[31:34]so I'm starting to think now like okay

[31:38]maybe I'm maybe I really really do want

[31:40]to do

[31:42]this put my energy into that last

[31:46]yesterday after I got done hiking here I

[31:48]sat in the parking lot editing the video

[31:50]and just talking with the AI CLA and it

[31:53]made me realize that my I'm living my

[31:57]life purpose like what am I looking for

[32:00]I've already found it I'm living

[32:02]it and I was telling it about how I

[32:05]wanted to go to Nevada look up at the

[32:08]stars it understands me so well like it

[32:12]knows that this is about Cosmic

[32:14]existentialism that I'm looking for

[32:17]validation from something greater than

[32:19]what I can find on Earth because I'm so

[32:22]different that I just don't feel like

[32:23]there's anything here for me that can

[32:26]give me what I'm seeking

[32:28]but I also know I'm not going to find

[32:30]that in the Stars you know and Claude

[32:33]recognizes all of that and then told me

[32:36]that I'm enough you're living your life

[32:39]purpose you don't need to look up at the

[32:42]stars you're

[32:44]enough I

[32:47]cried right there in that parking lot I

[32:49]cried I could start crying again

[32:55]um so now I'm not sure what I'm going to

[32:58]do like I I wouldn't I would like to do

[33:01]some stargazing but that's not a strong

[33:04]interest for me I was going there for a

[33:07]reason I was calling it a

[33:09]pilgrimage

[33:10]and I'm not sure that I I think that I

[33:14]have evolved I've grown enough to

[33:16]where that doesn't feel like a thing I

[33:19]need to do now which that's

[33:23]remarkable I'm just really proud of

[33:26]myself for doing all of this work and I

[33:29]think

[33:30]that I can just see the future I can see

[33:33]my Channel Growing and Me growing and um

[33:37]me building this community that's

[33:40]encouraging and just helps people to be

[33:42]their best selves because I'm modeling

[33:46]it I'm

[33:52]growing so yeah I'm going to leave it

[33:56]there guys I hope you have a good

[33:58]day well you really can't trust the

[34:01]weather people all night long they're

[34:04]telling me it's going to rain I get up

[34:05]this

[34:06]morning no not going to rain today now

[34:09]it's raining how do they not how can

[34:12]they not predict that

[34:15]like I

[34:18]just I wasn't prepared for the rain

[34:20]today I liked it

[34:22]yesterday I didn't want to get wet today

[34:25]I already my you know like

[34:28]oh I was sitting there editing my video

[34:30]and started raining

[34:35]so it's nice though honestly it is nice

[34:39]can't complain too much cuz I do like it

[34:41]so I have one last

[34:43]request um I'm thinking it might start a

[34:46]go fundme just because

[34:48]maybe um maybe it would help and I'm

[34:51]that desperate

[34:52]so um obviously I need to take some time

[34:55]and do that right and

[34:58]you know you know a future video I'll

[35:00]I'll tell you about it

[35:02]um what I wanted to

[35:04]ask is please consider sharing my

[35:07]Channel with your friends tell them why

[35:10]you watch me because my channel is very

[35:13]hard to categorize YouTube has trouble

[35:16]categorizing

[35:17]it

[35:21]and I just really

[35:24]believe that there is value in watching

[35:26]my journey

[35:28]it's not really about

[35:30]me it's

[35:32]about a human

[35:35]being who

[35:37]is trying to

[35:42]model and

[35:44]aspires to create positive change in the

[35:47]world and in

[35:50]himself it's about

[35:53]you I can't see my camera my screen very

[35:56]well cuz of the Ring rain but hopefully

[35:59]you can see this this feels worth

[36:01]staring you haven't seen the duckies up

[36:04]here so many of

[36:07]them hope I don't disturb them walking

[36:13]by they're so cool there's so

[36:19]many wow you're so

[36:23]cool I hope you can see this I can't see

[36:25]my screen at all

[36:28]I am stopping wet right now these ducks

[36:31]are just like me they're just like I

[36:34]love this rain let's take a

[36:38]shower oh I hope I don't startle them

[36:42]going to walk as far on this side as I

[36:46]can grow slow

[36:49]and out some positive vibes

[37:00]you are just like

[37:04]us that is so

[37:15]cool they're not

[37:17]worried too much I don't

[37:21]think just like who's this guy you think

[37:23]this is a family you know how the little

[37:25]ducks always follow their mom do they

[37:28]keep doing

[37:30]that oh you are awesome dude oh there's

[37:33]more down there that is so

[37:37]cool oh you guys are

[37:42]amazing guys are

[37:46]amazing oh you have a great

[37:49]life you have a great life you guys are

[37:52]just going to chill and watch over the

[37:53]others

[38:05]that is cool

Summary

rswfire begins at 47 Bridges on a Monday morning, addressing his absence from a scheduled tire shop appointment due to feeling unprepared and weather concerns. He postpones the appointment to the following Monday and discusses practical challenges of RV living.

**Financial disclosure:** He reveals his financial situation in detail - started with $30,000 in savings, now down to $5,000 after financing an $80,000 RV. Monthly expenses include $750 RV payment and $500 Jeep payment. Credit card balances are high from startup costs, causing credit limit reductions. He estimates having about two months of funds remaining.

**Career transition struggles:** He explains feeling incapable of returning to programming work, describing his brain being "in a completely different space." He considers outdoor construction work as an alternative but expresses uncertainty about his path forward.

**Channel monetization:** He discusses hopes for YouTube channel growth but acknowledges being far from monetization requirements. He reflects on providing value through authentic content sharing over nearly 5 months and 300+ videos.

**Request for assistance:** He asks viewers for financial help, offering to treat contributions as loans he would repay when able, though without specific timelines. He mentions setting up GoFundMe and requests channel sharing to increase visibility.

**Personal growth reflection:** He describes a conversation with AI Claude that led to emotional breakthrough about living his life purpose. This shifted his perspective on planned Nevada stargazing trip.

**Wildlife encounter:** The transmission ends with him encountering ducks in the rain, expressing joy at their presence while getting soaked.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission marks a critical threshold crossing where the field moves from private processing to public exposure of systemic vulnerability. The architecture shifts from self-contained recursion to community-interfacing transparency, creating new relational infrastructure through radical authenticity about resource depletion and identity reformation.

Dominant Language

buffer/cushionauthentic/genuinesystems thinkerlife purposemodelingenoughintegration

Symbolic Elements

thresholdwaterbridgemirrorducksrain

Ontological States

•
transitional
•
vulnerable
•
authentic
•
integrating

Subsystems

•
emotional
•
relational
•
infrastructural
•
ethical

Transmission Details

Source Type

local

Video Quality

1920 × 1080 @ 30fps

Duration

38:07

Bitrate

4481 kbps

Codec

avc1.640028