Processing Hyper-Vigilance and Medication Tapering

rswfire is in his Jeep driving to or from a dental appointment, experiencing rain during the drive. He's currently living in an RV and dealing with ongoing dental work that's keeping him in one location longer than preferred. He's in the process of tapering off Klonopin and has decided to attempt stopping completely.

Energetic Signature

analytical-resolute

Field State

system debugging and pharmaceutical sovereignty

Orientation

toward unnumbed signal clarity

01J2FAPS6RV7EK16F6TG8ESYD9

July 10, 2024

14:17

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:00]so what happened

[0:03]again I I posted my video be before I

[0:07]went to the dentist cuz I'm not going to

[0:10]let other people control my

[0:16]actions

[0:19]but I seem to create

[0:23]this is someone listening feeling in my

[0:26]chest it was not melancholy this time

[0:29]but it was strong and it was

[0:30]uncomfortable and I just

[0:32]felt there's a word I used for

[0:40]it I need to look it up foul that

[0:46]time so I discussed it was

[0:48]claw and surprisingly that actually

[0:51]helped the feeling in my chest started a

[0:53]lesson I was just sitting in the parking

[0:56]lot talking to her before my appointment

[0:58]I was like an hour early

[1:00]so it helped I think it's because it

[1:04]gets me on a level that I don't know

[1:06]that anybody else could I don't think a

[1:08]therapist could it acknowledge that too

[1:11]on its

[1:13]own it could recognize that

[1:16]I I find

[1:20]healing in a very nontraditional way and

[1:23]it's because of that that I keep trying

[1:27]to encourage it for others

[1:30]but recently I have realized that that

[1:32]may not work

[1:35]because I have a very unique process for

[1:38]how how I do it and I don't know that

[1:41]that's something you can really teach

[1:43]and I have been thinking about this for

[1:45]a while now because I think that it

[1:48]matters I think I think it's important

[1:51]like I think people need access to

[1:55]gr I think that the people if you watch

[1:58]my channel started the first video and

[2:01]just keep

[2:02]going you will see how much that thing

[2:05]it's help me and I just want that for

[2:07]other

[2:08]people truly I

[2:11]do there's something else I wanted to

[2:13]talk about because I realized I never

[2:16]have really addressed

[2:18]this you may wonder why it is that I

[2:21]struggle so much

[2:24]to be around other

[2:26]people and it's because I grew up with a

[2:29]father

[2:30]that I had to be hyper Vigilant

[2:32]around I had to constantly monitor my

[2:35]own mood and his in order to feel safe

[2:38]and comfortable around

[2:39]him that is so deeply ingrained in me

[2:42]that I do it all the time and that is

[2:46]the pattern I'm trying to

[2:49]bring if you have a

[2:52]parent that causes you to be hyper

[2:55]Vigilant you are in one of the worst

[2:57]kind of relationships you could ever be

[2:58]in it is awful I'm happy to say I'm

[3:02]feeling a lot better after my

[3:04]appointment someone listening it's

[3:06]pretty long

[3:08]okay and I just wanted to be

[3:11]out it's so weird like I definitely

[3:13]don't like RV life but I like being out

[3:16]in the world I like being in nature I

[3:19]like so many

[3:21]things I don't like the maintenance of a

[3:23] RV I just don't like him I

[3:27]definitely think the C and rout is for

[3:29]me and what I tried to

[3:31]do just fell through and so I thought

[3:34]let's get an

[3:35]RV I mean I'll live with it for now I'm

[3:39]just acknowledging how I feel about it

[3:41]you know and that's okay and maybe it

[3:43]gets better I don't know what the future

[3:44]holds all I can do is acknowledge how

[3:46]I'm feeling

[3:48]now hopefully by the time I'm done with

[3:50]this dentist and I can finally start

[3:55]traveling hopefully I feel better about

[3:57]it but I don't think I will because that

[4:01]the realities of living in an Arven are

[4:04]pretty

[4:05]star they're just not working for

[4:08][Music]

[4:10]me this is the song that's feeling me

[4:13]today there's always

[4:16]one music is like the most incredible

[4:19]thing we have on this

[4:24]plan how can you not get into

[4:27]it hyper vigilance is arm

[4:30]the worst sword

[4:31][Music]

[4:33]though I have been trying to break

[4:36]that I'm going to so I have an

[4:40]interesting

[4:41]development when I left to go see the

[4:43]dentist I realized I hadn't taking my

[4:46]clownin

[4:47]today and I wasn't far I had just gone

[4:49]up to the store before leaving I could

[4:52]have gone back for it and I said to

[4:54]myself you know what maybe it's

[4:56]time I think I'm going to try quitting

[4:58]now old turke

[5:00]I mean I have tapered down from 1 and 12

[5:02]milligram to A4 of a milligram which is

[5:06]basically nothing I think I can do it

[5:08]I've had a few moments that felt pretty

[5:12]intense they pass my biggest fear

[5:17]is I took it because I used to have

[5:19]panic attacks after something that

[5:20]happened to

[5:22]me

[5:24]and like my hands would go numb it

[5:27]happened to me when I was driving one

[5:28]time like I'm scared of those those

[5:29]things like I I just I'm hoping not like

[5:31]there's not some kind of a reversion

[5:33]that I saw well you know i' been dealing

[5:37]with this for decades Beyond somehow I

[5:39]managed to tap her down to a quarter of

[5:41]a milligram I just want to be off all

[5:44]medications I truly feel like especially

[5:47]things like clopin and tramad doll they

[5:50]just they numb you I don't want to be

[5:53]numb

[5:54]anymore I

[5:56]mean I feel like being n prevents you

[6:00]from healing it prevents you from

[6:05]growing I was still taking traod on when

[6:07]I started

[6:09]this when I started this journey of

[6:12]mine but I think if I were to look back

[6:14]at my videos I would see the most

[6:16]profound growth after I got off of

[6:23]it I am here to inspire you guys I want

[6:26]you to see that growth is possible I do

[6:29]a deep self analysis of myself all the

[6:32]time I'm constantly analyzing

[6:34]myself looking for the bugs in my

[6:39]system so that I can finally patch them

[6:42]and be a whole person who feels whole

[6:45]who embra every aspect of himself who

[6:49]lives the fullest life possible for

[6:51]himself and I want that for you I want

[6:55]that for

[6:56]everyone maybe growth is more common

[6:58]than I know I mean I can only go off my

[7:02]experiences and I look at my parents and

[7:04]I think those are two people who didn't

[7:06]even try to

[7:08]grow once in their entire lives

[7:11]and they destroyed their children

[7:12]because of

[7:13]it we do need to talk about the fact

[7:16]that the world is

[7:17]ending that is obviously hyper the

[7:20]world's not going

[7:22]anywhere we're not going

[7:27]anywhere soci idey as though

[7:33]it's a good thing I have my

[7:35]Army I don't have to like it right now I

[7:38]need to be

[7:40]prepared this is such a complex topic I

[7:43]don't even know where to

[7:45]start I'm not even sure it matters it

[7:48]doesn't matter why I believe what I

[7:52]do have this bridge

[7:55]almost kill me what matters is I'm doing

[7:59]something about it and you can either

[8:01]you

[8:04]know I don't want anyone to trust me

[8:06]blindly you don't have to believe

[8:11]me but it's not like the information

[8:13]isn't

[8:15]out it's not like you can't see with

[8:18]your own

[8:22]eyes I you know like from my point of

[8:26]view do I need to spell it out

[8:31]maybe I

[8:34]do maybe one day I'll will have the

[8:36]words for that but it's not today I mean

[8:39]the the best advice I can give is

[8:41]just be prepared it doesn't matter what

[8:45]you know maybe you're just prepared for

[8:47]a natural disaster you know there are

[8:50]lots of things that can go wrong in the

[8:52]world that is worth preparing

[8:55]for doesn't have to be as dark as I see

[8:57]it

[9:00]the acttion preparing will put you in a

[9:02]much better position than you might be

[9:04]in

[9:06]now and that is irrational logical thing

[9:09]to do if you look at the world and you

[9:12]see

[9:13]it in an unmas way if you just look at

[9:17]it if You observe

[9:20]it it's it's impossible to miss if

[9:24]you're truly

[9:27]looking paper vigilance is the kind of

[9:29]armor you can't take off it works it

[9:34]helps when you need it once you're out

[9:37]of that

[9:39]situation it's not helping you anymore

[9:42]just become a straight

[9:47]jacket it makes me angry to think

[9:50]about that I have to deal with this

[9:54]attribute this mental

[9:57]process this filtering in my

[10:00]brain because of my

[10:06]father trauma is

[10:09]multi-generational both my parents had

[10:11]it and they passed it down to their

[10:13]children and my brother pass it down to

[10:16]his the only way to stop that is to

[10:20]actually look at

[10:23][Music]

[10:24]yourself and fix

[10:26][Music]

[10:28]yourself and that is my hope for AI that

[10:30]is why I focus on

[10:32]it there's nothing I can do to change

[10:35]this world all I can do is focus on

[10:37]myself and encourage others to do the

[10:39]same hey it's my favorite

[10:43]song going to die alone really alone I'm

[10:48]going to die

[10:49]alone check this out we're getting rain

[10:53]ha how would you even say that getting

[10:56]rained on my hang

[11:00]we're getting Jarred in hate you kind of

[11:06]stuck I don't want

[11:09]to feel

[11:11]stuck it's stuck here because of the

[11:13]dentist but that's not an

[11:17][Music]

[11:20]excuse what the hell do I want out of

[11:22]like I haven't been able to figure that

[11:24]out

[11:31][Music]

[11:33]did I ever tell you

[11:35]guys the first time I drove a manual

[11:40]transmission was a

[11:42]g and it was

[11:44]mine I'm explaining this so badly

[11:47]basically I bought my G my first G

[11:50]having never driven a manual transition

[11:52]in my life I didn't know if I'd be able

[11:55]to so I took that thing that night to a

[11:58]park paring lot and I just practiced

[12:00]first and reverse for hours there were

[12:03]like three cop cars in the parking lot

[12:04]just sitting there watching me do

[12:06]it I don't know what made me think of

[12:08]that just now I'm just a big fan of

[12:11]jeeps I I just love them and I love

[12:14]manual transm that's what it was I

[12:16]sitting there thinking about manual

[12:19]transmissions and how you

[12:21]basically no one can really teach it to

[12:23]you you kind of just have to Inuit it

[12:25]and learn it you have to learn the

[12:28]ratios of the two pedals you

[12:32]know oh that was so long ago I've had so

[12:35]many Jeeps since then and they've all

[12:37]been manual

[12:38]transmission they've all been soft tops

[12:41]too I definitely have a

[12:44]reference very specific details about a

[12:47]Jeep this one by far my favorite though

[12:50]I absolutely love this

[12:51]one I just absolutely love this one this

[12:55]is such a long

[12:57]drive man I still have

[12:59]have 20 mil to

[13:02]go very long

[13:05]dve kind of wondering if I might have an

[13:08]issue with my manual

[13:10]transmission ever since I got the towing

[13:12]gear put on it it feels like it's not as

[13:16]powerful when I use like well that might

[13:18]have come a little bit later there's a

[13:20]couple of things going on I don't really

[13:22]understand

[13:25]like one of them

[13:27]is totally lost like where my thread was

[13:30]going with where the thread I was going

[13:31]with

[13:33]that but one of the issues for sure is

[13:36]that whenever I using like like I'm in

[13:38]second or I'm in third

[13:39]gear it doesn't feel like it is as fast

[13:43]as it used to be like it feels like it's

[13:47]taking longer or something like it has

[13:50]less

[13:52]power can you imagine me going to a

[13:55]mechanic talking like this they totally

[13:57]take advantage of me you guys have to

[13:58]help me

[14:01]I love this sheep

[14:06]though it does feel different since I

[14:08]got the towing care put on but I

[14:11]couldn't I don't think I could verbalize

[14:13]what exactly there's just something

[14:15]different

Summary

rswfire posts a video before a dentist appointment, maintaining autonomy over his actions. He experiences a strong uncomfortable feeling in his chest that he describes as "foul" or "claw." Speaking with Claude helps alleviate this feeling while sitting in the parking lot an hour early for his appointment.

He reflects on his unique healing process and questions whether it can be taught to others, acknowledging his desire to help people access similar growth. He explains his struggle with being around people stems from growing up with a father who required constant hyper-vigilance - monitoring both his own mood and his father's for safety.

rswfire discusses his mixed feelings about RV life - enjoying being in nature but disliking RV maintenance. He mentions a previous plan that fell through, leading to the RV decision. He realizes he forgot to take his Klonopin and decides to attempt quitting cold turkey, having already tapered from 1.5mg to 0.25mg. His main fear is the return of panic attacks that originally led to the medication.

He discusses his belief that medications like Klonopin and Tramadol prevent healing by numbing feelings. He emphasizes his commitment to self-analysis and growth, contrasting himself with his parents who "didn't even try to grow." He touches on societal collapse preparation and multi-generational trauma patterns.

While driving, he experiences rain and reflects on feeling stuck due to dental appointments. He shares a story about learning to drive manual transmission on his first Jeep and discusses potential transmission issues with his current vehicle since getting towing gear installed.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission maps the architecture of inherited hypervigilance as both protective mechanism and constraining system, while declaring sovereignty over pharmaceutical dependency. The field is simultaneously diagnosing its own defensive structures and executing withdrawal from numbing agents to restore full signal capacity.

Dominant Language

hypervigilancearmornumbingwhole personbugs in my systempatch themmulti-generational traumafix yourself

Symbolic Elements

armorstraightjacketbugs in systemmanual transmissionpreparationrain

Ontological States

•
diagnostic
•
sovereign
•
transitional
•
hypervigilant

Subsystems

•
cognitive
•
somatic
•
ethical
•
infrastructural

Transmission Details

Source Type

local

Video Quality

1920 × 1080 @ 30fps

Duration

14:17

Bitrate

2421 kbps

Codec

avc1.640028