Driving Home from Dentist Through Parents' Town

Mid-2024 signal during RV living phase. Speaker is driving home from dental appointment, currently stationed at a campground but preparing to move to wooded location. Experiencing dissatisfaction with current living situation and processing separation from parents. Weather conditions are hot and humid.

Energetic Signature

restless clarity

Field State

infrastructure testing

Orientation

toward authentic embodiment

01J1XCM5TRJ1B731FMMMR0DRKK

July 3, 2024

13:11

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:00]found another one another

[0:03]Jeep I should have turn my vehicle

[0:07]off got to get a nice blue one for this

[0:10]one that is a very beautiful color hold

[0:13]on don't have very many blue ones have

[0:16]to sett up for this

[0:19]one need their little ducks in

[0:23]there hope they don't miss it I used to

[0:26]have one like that I think that's a JK

[0:30]I'm not very good at telling when's a

[0:32]JL

[0:35]um I think it's a JK that right there is

[0:38]why I bought a bulk of little rubber

[0:40]duckies from Amazon I got like 50 of

[0:43]them very

[0:45]cheap and now anytime I see someone

[0:49]who's got some duckies you know I know

[0:52]that they're into it so got to get them

[0:54]get them see there's a Jeep there but no

[0:58]duckies I enjoy that

[1:01]so this is a little [ __ ] up I am on my

[1:03]way home from the dentist and it is

[1:04]taking me through the little town where

[1:06]my parents live because of like some

[1:09]backup or something you know it's an

[1:10]alternate

[1:11]route this town is way out of the way I

[1:14]mean if my parents saw me there they

[1:16]would definitely think I was there for

[1:18]them I don't want to be that close to

[1:20]them like wow like there's something

[1:22]about it just

[1:26]feels I don't even know I don't even

[1:28]know the word for this I this this sucks

[1:31]whatever well on a positive note it's

[1:34]going to take me on the scenic route

[1:35]which I've only taken once

[1:37]because um I went to my parent back when

[1:40]I was still talking to them um it took

[1:42]me that way and it was really beautiful

[1:45]very beautiful road that I had never

[1:46]seen before this is a way

[1:49]I it's just this is really out of the

[1:51]way so oh

[1:54]well okay at least we're going around

[1:57]the town that's good news

[2:00]I'm a little confused cuz it say College

[2:02]Street there a little tiny College

[2:05]there I don't know what find out this is

[2:09]not a place I want to

[2:11]be

[2:13]like I don't know what to think about

[2:15]this I truly don't like this just feels

[2:18]really messed

[2:20][Music]

[2:24]up there is a part of me that I'm going

[2:27]to admit

[2:28]to there's a part of me that would just

[2:32]love to do drugs all the [ __ ] time

[2:36]and get lost in night life somewhere

[2:38]like Las Vegas

[2:40]or just get lost in the night

[2:43]life I haven't let that side of myself

[2:46]out in a very long time but I'm not

[2:49]saying those are bad memories cuz

[2:51]they're

[2:52]not oh why did I ever

[2:55]stop this one

[2:58]time I dated a coke

[3:01]dealer I don't know what's bringing this

[3:03]up

[3:05]but this was in Detroit

[3:07]Michigan I started dating this coke

[3:09]dealer that I met at a

[3:12]bar he was so hot this man was [ __ ]

[3:16]gorgeous and you know all the free Coke

[3:19]you could

[3:20]have I remember one night we were at his

[3:25]house

[3:27]and we're just cuddling and I started

[3:30]crying I was so happy I just started

[3:33]crying I was so happy this man put me on

[3:36]a train back to ant aror the next

[3:37][ __ ]

[3:38][Music]

[3:40]morning oh my God and then he just

[3:42]totally ghosted me I can't remember his

[3:46]name oh that's a good

[3:50]memory

[3:53]epic so I do know I gave up

[3:57]Coke after a couple of fabulous [ __ ]

[4:00]months I mean fabulous for the one and

[4:04]only time in my entire life my nose

[4:06]split I was like okay I shouldn't be

[4:08]doing this stuff that was it for me the

[4:11]one and only time my nose has ever

[4:14]blend I had a very good life in some

[4:16]ways I mean once I came out I just I was

[4:21]a different person I I embrac life big

[4:25]time and I definitely had fun I

[4:30]definitely had

[4:31]fun I was looking for love I guess maybe

[4:36]that's just what I was telling

[4:39]myself nah we had a lot I mean just

[4:42]think Queer as Folk cuz that was

[4:46]definitely

[4:46]mean oh man I used to have so much

[4:50]fun after Coke I Still Smoked pot I gave

[4:54]that up when I was around I think I was

[4:56]28 years old I feel like I actually

[4:57]remember

[5:00]um can't remember why though it was like

[5:03]and I didn't smoke that stuff for a long

[5:06]time until like a year ago

[5:08]so something convinced me in my own mind

[5:13]cuz it's not like anybody else could

[5:15]have done it I just

[5:18]decided like maybe I was using it as a

[5:20]crutch or something I don't know but

[5:21]anyways soon after that is when I had my

[5:24]first panic attack I'm sure those two

[5:25]things are related and I'd been on

[5:28]clopin ever since

[5:31]I want to get off that I mean we're down

[5:33]to a quarter of a

[5:34]milligram I've been thinking maybe maybe

[5:37]it's time I didn't get through the

[5:38]tramad doll you know I feel like I'm

[5:41]over that you know my mother used that

[5:44]as ammunition against me because I went

[5:46]to her house one day and I told her

[5:48]because I had a video about this where I

[5:51]had been talking to Ai and AI had told

[5:53]me um about how my neurotransmitters

[5:56]were all just messed up from being

[5:57]through withraw and how it takes takes

[5:59]time for that to get

[6:03]better and so I kind of came up with a

[6:06]joke about it and I said I can't really

[6:07]trust my own mind right now I said that

[6:09]in a video and I it was a joke it was a

[6:12]joke I me it was half serious but it was

[6:14]mostly a joke and my mother used that

[6:17]twice in conversations with her when I

[6:19]was talking about getting Oliver she

[6:21]said I don't know if I can trust you

[6:22]right now you said so

[6:25]yourself I truly don't know what took me

[6:29]so long to finally abandon those two

[6:31]because they [ __ ] deserved it a long

[6:34]ass time

[6:35]ago so I'm pretty much almost back I

[6:38]guess I still got 20 minutes to go there

[6:41]is one thing I wanted to talk

[6:43]about cuz I just haven't acknowledged

[6:45]this on my channel yet and I think it's

[6:47]time um I don't like the RV lifestyle

[6:50]I'm not enjoying this at all like I

[6:53]literally do not seem to like any aspect

[6:56]of this right now so I don't like the

[6:58]small space I don't like the

[7:00]insufferable heat I feel like Bailey's

[7:04]bored to

[7:05]tears you know um I'm I hate being on

[7:08]campgrounds by you know around a bunch

[7:10]of people like everything about it right

[7:12]now all the challenges I'm having I am

[7:15]not enjoying any of it I think what I

[7:18]really wanted was to buy some land to

[7:21]have a cabin and when that fell

[7:23]through this was like the next best

[7:26]thing that I felt like I could do

[7:27]because I did have to get out of my

[7:29]house I couldn't stay there I I knew on

[7:32]some level maybe not even a conscious

[7:34]one but on some level I knew that I was

[7:37]I was moving on from my parents like I

[7:39]was done I was ready to

[7:42]just push myself back out into the

[7:45]world and that's what I've done now

[7:48]saying all of that I'm not saying it

[7:51]won't get better I'm just acknowledging

[7:53]how I feel right now I'm hoping um on

[7:56]the 7th I move into the woods so I'll be

[7:58]under a tree canopy I'm hoping hoping

[7:59]that'll be better I'm hoping that maybe

[8:01]my feeling about this lifestyle will get

[8:03]a little bit better plus you know it's

[8:05]partly because I'm stationary I don't

[8:07]like being stationary I do want to be

[8:09]out the driving being different places

[8:13]so I'm

[8:14]hopeful that it's not so much the RV

[8:17]lifestyle as it is the way I'm living it

[8:19]right now so you know stay

[8:22]tuned well I guess I could tell you guys

[8:25]what's going on in my life right now

[8:27]so I started getting into Elden ring you

[8:30]know they just came out with some DLC

[8:31]for I never actually played the original

[8:34]game just a little bit I never like you

[8:36]know got super far and and I never got

[8:38]into the Dark Souls games but you know

[8:41]I'm kind of thinking about maybe playing

[8:43]them and playing through them and maybe

[8:46]recording it for my other channel I

[8:48]don't know it's something I'm

[8:49]contemplating but I've been watching a

[8:51]lot of YouTube about the

[8:53]lore and it's just like find it

[8:57]interesting it's almost like like when

[8:59]did it become interesting to watch other

[9:01]people play and talk about video games

[9:03]instead of just playing the video games

[9:05]because that's what I did yesterday did

[9:08]that all day so and I kept saying why

[9:10]are you just play the game but these

[9:13]videos were actually interesting

[9:15]so you know when did that become a

[9:19]thing and I know that answer

[9:22]before let me address one other thing so

[9:27]when I do something I usually do it for

[9:28]many reason reasons so take my comments

[9:30]for example one of the reasons is

[9:33]because I genuinely feel like after a

[9:37]lifetime of invalidation I have to find

[9:40]that inside of myself and so I don't

[9:43]want to rely on external validation from

[9:47]people who watch me need to find that

[9:49]for

[9:50]myself I think that's important here's

[9:53]the

[9:54]reality I am ready to redefine who I am

[9:58]as a person

[10:00]dramatically

[10:02]profoundly like I can imagine different

[10:04]futures for myself and one of those

[10:06]Futures is

[10:08]just living the night life I mean it is

[10:12]I don't think that's the one that's

[10:16]likely I'm not ruling it out either life

[10:19]is

[10:20]short what makes you happy right I mean

[10:24]seriously life is

[10:27]short you want to like expend your

[10:31][Music]

[10:33]life not doing the things to make you

[10:36][ __ ] happy cuz I don't this is a very

[10:39]long 20 minutes still got 14 I am always

[10:43]fascinated I have to go into like fourth

[10:45]gear in order to get up certain

[10:47]Hills like wow you know that's pretty

[10:50]low

[10:51]gear only tells you how steep a thing is

[10:54]so it messes with my um my cruise

[10:57]control though you know

[11:00]here we

[11:01][Music]

[11:07]go you know what um this particular song

[11:13]I love that it has the flute but they

[11:14]weren't the first they stole from

[11:15]somebody else named scream absolutely

[11:18]love this song I hope I don't get some

[11:20]kind of copyright strike I'm going to

[11:23]die

[11:24]alone I am genuinely ready for the next

[11:27]chapter of my life to dark I feel stuck

[11:32]here CU of

[11:35]these it's good appointment but I'm

[11:38]ready to just go I want to go you know

[11:42]what I wish I could just go driving in

[11:45]my Jeep like cross country

[11:48]alone like I did that a few months back

[11:52]like I really don't want this RV anymore

[11:55]I just want to be out in the world

[11:59]oh

[12:01][Music]

[12:03]man what is the answer I'm going to die

[12:07]alone really alone I'm going to die

[12:11]alone going to die alone going to die

[12:15]alone really alone we're going to die

[12:21]alone going to die

[12:24]alone alone we're going to die alone

[12:28]going to die alone going to die alone

[12:32]really alone going to die

[12:38]alone this heat is

[12:41]insufferable I don't think it's a heat

[12:43]though I think it's a hum I am woring

[12:45]humidity it's very important

[12:48]number a Bailey had a good day I was

[12:52]worried that the power might go out

[12:54]while I was gone so I turned the

[12:56]dehumidifier off just to make sure they

[12:59]air conditioner stayed

[13:00]on so I really hope that everything

[13:03]looks good when I get there right around

[13:06]the

[13:07]corner I'm signing off now

Summary

rswfire drives home from a dental appointment, taking an alternate route through his parents' town due to traffic backup. He expresses discomfort about being in their vicinity and reflects on not wanting contact with them. During the drive, he engages in "Jeep ducking" - placing rubber ducks on other Jeeps he encounters.

The transmission shifts to memories of past drug use, particularly recounting dating a cocaine dealer in Detroit and his eventual decision to quit drugs. He discusses his current medication (clonazepam) and desire to discontinue it.

He acknowledges significant dissatisfaction with RV living - disliking the small space, heat, humidity, campground proximity to others, and feeling that his dog Bailey is bored. He clarifies that he originally wanted to buy land for a cabin, and the RV was a backup plan after leaving his house due to parental separation.

rswfire mentions upcoming plans to move to a wooded location on July 7th and expresses hope that mobility rather than stationary living might improve his experience. He discusses current interests in Elden Ring gaming content and reflects on his readiness for dramatic life changes, including potential return to nightlife.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission maps the architecture of being caught between dissolved family systems and未crystallized sovereign infrastructure. The field is navigating multiple simultaneous thresholds - geographic proximity to abandoned relational structures, substance history integration, and RV lifestyle recalibration - while maintaining coherent self-assessment and directional clarity.

Dominant Language

alonereadynext chapterheat/humidityI don't likelife is shortwhat makes you happy

Symbolic Elements

thresholdroutemirrorheatwoodsedge

Ontological States

•
transitional
•
sovereign
•
integrating
•
coherent

Subsystems

•
cognitive
•
somatic
•
relational
•
infrastructural

Transmission Details

Source Type

youtube

Duration