Jeep Ducking and Coming Out Story

The speaker is driving and encounters other Jeeps on the road. He appears to be in a reflective state, sharing personal stories while navigating traffic. The setting is casual and mobile, with the speaker multitasking between driving, duck placement, and storytelling.

Energetic Signature

resolute clarity

Field State

rupture integration

Orientation

toward relational sovereignty

01J1WS0CZ0S5AG0Z4P5NDQE15C

July 3, 2024

11:14

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:00]spotted a jeep that has some little

[0:02]duckies on it while I was on the road at

[0:03]a stop sign so I decided to stop let's

[0:05]give them a little ducky what am I doing

[0:07]right they pass all right hold

[0:10]on this is the best part about being a

[0:13]Jeep owner guys I love this

[0:15] give me a second here how about

[0:18]this

[0:21]one get these people that new little

[0:25]ducking mute

[0:36]you could see the ducky over there they

[0:38]won't miss

[0:39]it I'll show you when I back up that

[0:42]they got some little duckies in there

[0:44]need see the little

[0:46]duckies there they are now they got a

[0:49]new

[0:49]one did I ever tell you how I came out

[0:52]to my

[0:54]parents it's a pretty interesting story

[0:57]so I had

[1:00]I really hated myself for being gay I

[1:03]used to cry myself to sleep every single

[1:05]night praying to a god to make me

[1:08]straight by

[1:09]morning every night I remember doing

[1:11]that every morning I would wake up and I

[1:14]was still

[1:16]gay I really judged myself for this I

[1:19]had internalized a lot of homophobia

[1:21]from society at this

[1:24]point I believed that there was

[1:26]something profoundly wrong with me and

[1:29]so I wasn't not comfortable coming out

[1:31]to my parents I didn't think they'd

[1:33]accept

[1:36]me there were times when my mother would

[1:39]just straight up ask me if I was

[1:43]gay and I would get so defensive I

[1:46]remember one time we were driving down

[1:47]the road and she asked me and I made her

[1:49]pull that car over I I just that was my

[1:52]reaction to it that ought to have told

[1:54]her

[1:55]something but anyways at some point I

[1:58]did decide to tell her and it was while

[2:00]she was in the hospital I don't even

[2:02]remember why I wasn't there with her I

[2:04]was on the telephone I couldn't even do

[2:06]it in person I told her on the telephone

[2:08]while she was in the

[2:10]hospital she encouraged me to tell my

[2:14]father saying that you know they talked

[2:16]about it and he'd be fine with it so I

[2:20]tell

[2:21]him and I asked him please don't tell my

[2:25]brother because I would like to tell him

[2:27]myself when I'm ready

[2:30]I was homeless at this time they had

[2:32]thrown me out of the

[2:34]house

[2:36]and I was trying to explain to them why

[2:39]I was so emotionally

[2:41]unstable it's because I had this deep

[2:43]dark secret

[2:46]that I was hiding from them and I

[2:50]thought coming out maybe that would

[2:51]Bridge a gap maybe that would make

[2:52]things better so I tell my

[2:57]father characteristic of him it was not

[2:59]a great

[3:01]conversation he did say that he wouldn't

[3:03]tell my brother I you can see where this

[3:06]is going right so I don't think you can

[3:09]imagine how quickly though I go

[3:11]downstairs I leave the apartment we're

[3:13]living in and I my brother's out there

[3:15]and I get into his car and he goes

[3:18]upstairs for a minute comes back down

[3:20]and says to me you're gay my father

[3:23]couldn't even wait 20 minutes

[3:26]before breaking a promise to me he that

[3:30]was just a complete violation my

[3:32]trust my brother shockingly reacted very

[3:36]well the best of them all he had been

[3:39]calling

[3:41]me some pretty bad words throughout our

[3:44]childhood and he immediately regretted

[3:47]that there's a Jeep coming up got a wave

[3:49]to him oh man you got lots of

[3:52]ducks oh freaking dashed

[3:56]so that was affirming but

[4:01]I I still can't believe that my father

[4:02]did that very I mean I I don't know why

[4:06]I'm surprised to be honest but yeah

[4:09]that's the story of how I came out and

[4:12]then my brother told his girlfriend his

[4:14]girlfriend told everybody by the end of

[4:15]the day every person that I knew

[4:18]knew I was

[4:20]gay so I didn't even have control over

[4:23]that story at

[4:26]all it was heartwarming to discover that

[4:30]my friends accepted me I didn't think

[4:33]they

[4:35]would but I sure wish that I had a

[4:38]little more control over that and I

[4:40]that's probably one of the reasons why I

[4:42]feel like I need control

[4:44]over every aspect of my life even though

[4:48]I am sharing very deep personal things

[4:50]with you

[4:52]guys you know I

[4:57]don't it doesn't feel right when people

[5:00]are sitting there commenting about my

[5:02]life like it doesn't feel normal like it

[5:05]feels very very

[5:09]strange to me what should have been

[5:12]happening for the past 4 months is

[5:14]instead of commenting on my life you

[5:15]should have been commenting on yours you

[5:18]should have been relating to what I was

[5:23]saying like I feel like that's healthy

[5:27]communication because

[5:30]that is how we would have built some

[5:33]measure of a more Equitable relationship

[5:37]between us cuz these parasocial

[5:40]relationships they're not normal you

[5:42]guys should be really conscious of it I

[5:44]did not know it was a thing

[5:47]so I never developed connections with

[5:50]with YouTubers or anything like that I

[5:53]might like them I might think they're

[5:54]interesting but I sure as hell didn't

[5:57]think of them as friends you know

[6:00]um there are I do think though I do this

[6:06]with characters from a book or a movie

[6:09]but I know that's not real you know and

[6:12]I think that there's this disconnect in

[6:14]our society right now where a lot of

[6:16]people think that they're developing

[6:18]these relationships with people like me

[6:24]that they're really not like at

[6:26]all I'm going to miss my accent I got

[6:29]Go's okay that was close

[6:34]so kind of lost my train of thought

[6:37]here um I especially worry about the

[6:40]kids you know because I don't I I

[6:42]actually asked AI about this they're not

[6:44]being taught in school about parasocial

[6:47]relationships that's not good like you

[6:51]definitely that's something they need to

[6:53]know about maybe they wouldn't have

[6:55]cared so much

[6:57]about that one guy who know who I don't

[7:00]remember his name but he's you know just

[7:02]the stupid guy who decides to go

[7:04]to Japan and film a bunch of dead bodies

[7:08]that guy like

[7:11]maybe I mean I don't know I guess it

[7:13]probably wouldn't have matter but they

[7:15]still need they need some self-

[7:16]knowledge they need an awareness

[7:19]of the like I'm going to give you an

[7:22]example somebody unsubscribed for my

[7:23]channel and then resubscribe today

[7:25]before I posted my video and I knew what

[7:28]that was about

[7:30]this person was upset when they saw that

[7:32]I had stopped posting took it very

[7:35]personally and then changed their minds

[7:37]that's up because you shouldn't

[7:40]have that kind of an emotional reaction

[7:42]to me I'm just some dude on the internet

[7:44]who's sharing his life I'm not your

[7:46]friend so I had had to think about this

[7:49]stuff for the past four months I didn't

[7:51]have a name for it

[7:54]parasocial and I just like people will

[7:57]come up on my channel and they think

[7:59]they're being helpful the video that I

[8:01]posted before I took my my channel down

[8:05]somebody commented if you don't jet Jud

[8:07]we won't judge you you you know I'm

[8:10]not judging anybody I'm not judging any

[8:13]any individuals I'm judging Society I'm

[8:15]judging what I think is wrong in the

[8:17]world you're judging

[8:20]me and that just pisses me off I'm

[8:23]not going to tolerate it don't want to

[8:26]don't have to so years later

[8:30]I'm out I'm gay I'm living my best life

[8:34]and I'm in the car with my mother again

[8:36]and she says to me you're older

[8:40]now maybe you could be with a woman

[8:45]now I mean

[8:48]what my parents are so

[8:51] just unreal to me just so

[8:54]invalidating all the time like clearly

[8:59]what I took away from that was my mother

[9:01]doesn't really accept me you

[9:04]know like that was the most up

[9:07]thing I can think of right now I

[9:10]guarantee you I've had conversations

[9:12]like that my whole life with these two

[9:15]they're just awful

[9:17]people who have this veneer of being

[9:23]nice in my last video I talked about how

[9:27]I felt like talking about them on was

[9:29]the only way I could get their attention

[9:31]and it wasn't because they were

[9:33]interested in what I have to sing it's

[9:35]cuz they were interested in in what

[9:37]other people would think about what I

[9:39]have to

[9:40]say it's

[9:42]just I I totally am definitely seeing

[9:45]them for who they are now you know like

[9:48]I'm there's just there's no there's no

[9:51]smoke in my eyes I

[9:53]see I see it all now and I'm just

[10:00]I will never talk to them again I never

[10:03]ever want to see them again you might

[10:04]have even noticed in that video I I

[10:06]noticed this when I was editing it that

[10:09]I was using past tense to discuss them

[10:12]because that's what they are they are in

[10:14]my past

[10:17]they're yeah but I'm going to still be

[10:19]talking about my experiences in life

[10:23]because think it might be helpful I

[10:25]don't know I don't actually know for

[10:28]sure but

[10:30]but I don't know like this channel for

[10:33]me is just a way for me to document the

[10:35]life I've had one day I won't be here

[10:38]but maybe maybe this channel still will

[10:40]be and maybe it will help somebody else

[10:43]U maybe they'll learn a lot sooner than

[10:45]I did when they're in a toxic

[10:48]relationship with their parents and just

[10:50]need to cut ties I definitely wish I

[10:53]done it in my 30s I

[10:55]think I think there was a possibility

[10:57]that I could have like like I can

[11:00]remember a couple of times in my life

[11:02]where I had an Impulse just to cut them

[11:05]out you know it's not like this just

[11:08]happened it's been a long journey to get

[11:11]to that point

Summary

The speaker places a rubber duck on another Jeep while driving, then shares the story of coming out to his parents. He describes years of internalized homophobia, crying himself to sleep praying to be straight, and eventually telling his mother while she was hospitalized via phone. His father promised not to tell his brother but broke that promise within 20 minutes. The brother's girlfriend then told everyone by day's end, removing all control from the speaker over his own story.

The speaker reflects on parasocial relationships with his YouTube audience, expressing discomfort with viewers commenting on his life rather than relating their own experiences. He mentions taking a four-month break from posting and discusses how people form unhealthy one-sided connections with content creators.

He shares another story about his mother later suggesting he might be able to be with a woman now that he's older, which he found deeply invalidating. The speaker declares his parents are in his past tense and he will never speak to them again, describing them as awful people with a veneer of niceness. He positions his channel as documentation of his life experiences that might help others recognize toxic family relationships sooner.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission demonstrates field sovereignty through simultaneous vulnerability exposure and boundary enforcement. The field is integrating parental rupture while establishing clear relational protocols, using personal narrative as both documentation tool and parasocial relationship diagnostic.

Dominant Language

parasocial relationshipspast tensecontrolinvalidatingtoxic relationshipcut tiesdocument

Symbolic Elements

thresholdmirrorrupturedocumentation

Ontological States

•
sovereign
•
integrating
•
coherent
•
boundary-enforcing

Subsystems

•
relational
•
ethical
•
cognitive
•
infrastructural

Transmission Details

Source Type

youtube

Duration