Contemplating YouTube Channel Deletion Due to Misalignment

Early morning on Sunday, June 30, 2024. Speaker is making coffee in their RV with Bailey (pet) nearby wanting treats. Phone storage is full, preventing longer recording.

Energetic Signature

frustrated clarity

Field State

dependency recognition

Orientation

away from validation dependency

01J1MVBJP08VCZC84V2P8B8WE6

June 30, 2024

7:30

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:01]good morning fell hammans today's video

[0:03]might be a little hard to listen

[0:07]to Just aing that up

[0:09]front making some coffee here getting my

[0:12]day started I have not been up long

[0:14]Bailey's over there complaining he wants

[0:16]me to feed him he's got food he wants

[0:19]treats that's all he wants

[0:23]anymore

[0:25]so I'm really not sure how to start this

[0:27]to be honest with you

[0:31]I have been contemplating deleting my

[0:33]YouTube channel along with all the

[0:35]videos just wiping it

[0:38]clean the reason for it is

[0:44]because I feel like I'm out of step

[0:49]with just everybody

[0:52]honestly so yesterday I made a video a

[0:55]short made two of them actually just

[0:59]kind of repur puring some of the recent

[1:01]videos I

[1:02]made one of them is this just minute

[1:06]long

[1:07]um clips of me trying to cook that day

[1:12]cuz I had a lot of fun I thought it was

[1:14]pretty funny you

[1:16]know um that seemed like a thing that

[1:19]you know you might get some enjoyment

[1:20]out of on a short and it was viewed like

[1:23]four 500 times and has like four likes

[1:27]like that's just that's awful

[1:30]and I know it's not me I had to really

[1:33]sit and think about this it's not me I'm

[1:36]not the problem in this world everybody

[1:39]else

[1:41]is so I'm sitting here asking

[1:45]myself why am I even bothering like what

[1:49]is the point of any of this because what

[1:52]I'm trying to do isn't even coming

[1:53]across

[1:55]so not only am I trying to inspire you

[1:58]I'm trying to show you that regardless

[2:00]of your living situation I moved into an

[2:03]RV that's irrelevant this was for me you

[2:06]could have any other challenge in life

[2:08]and still find a life lesson in my life

[2:10]lessons but people don't work that way

[2:13]I'm learning this people just don't work

[2:15]that way um I'll give you an

[2:22]example so you know that I'm stressed

[2:25]out about my tires some of you all of

[2:28]you who commented gave me PR iCal advice

[2:30]about them and I I appreciate that I

[2:32]truly do but that's not what I

[2:36]needed I know what to do just take it

[2:38]somewhere deal with the problem right

[2:40]but that's not why I'm talking about

[2:43]them I'm talking about them

[2:47]because it's a life stressor for me I

[2:50]replaced my tires because my original

[2:52]tires were a life stressor for me I

[2:55]wanted to have Reliable Tires so

[2:59]spending $2,000 to replace them that was

[3:01]a big deal to me because that was my way

[3:05]of taking control of that situation and

[3:07]making sure I had tires that were

[3:09]reliable that I would feel safe having

[3:13]and the whole experience just was bad

[3:15]from the moment that I did it you know

[3:17]that from them I'm installing them in in

[3:19]their freaking parking lot

[3:22]to them using a chalk that got stuck

[3:25]between two of the tires I'm driving

[3:27]down the road hearing this bang noise

[3:28]that probably probably hurt them you

[3:31]know

[3:32]and to the re reality that I'm going to

[3:35]have to take it down there but I can't

[3:37]even put air in them because I just it's

[3:40]not possible I could probably put air in

[3:42]the closest one they're dual tires but

[3:44]how am I going to get it into the other

[3:46]Tire like I just the whole situation is

[3:51]upsetting on multiple levels the

[3:54]incompetence of the store that I got

[3:56]them at the fact that it makes me feel

[3:58]unsafe you know the fact that it didn't

[4:01]solve a problem for me it just made the

[4:03]problem worse like these are the things

[4:06]that are going through my head when I

[4:08]talk about things but you guys only see

[4:11]everything on the

[4:12]surface that's on me I have to explain

[4:15]these things you know I'm discovering

[4:17]that it

[4:18]just I have to be thinking about okay

[4:21]share share all the

[4:23]levels that's hard to do though I just I

[4:27]don't understand I guess for

[4:32]me it's just natural I'm always doing

[4:35]that and I'm always doing that with

[4:36]others so when somebody if I'm having a

[4:39]conversation with somebody I'm already

[4:40]thinking about the deeper levels of what

[4:42]they're saying that just that's just

[4:44]what I do

[4:46]so I don't know I guess I forgot that

[4:49]most people aren't like

[4:52]that and so I have this tension with you

[4:55]guys all the time and I don't really

[4:57]know what to do about it

[5:00]and it's like I put all this effort into

[5:02]my channel not as much as some people

[5:05]because lots of them you know put lots

[5:08]and lots of effort into editing and all

[5:10]of that and try to make these mini TV

[5:13]series for you guys right I'm not doing

[5:16]that that's not what I'm even trying to

[5:18]do here but I put in a lot of effort and

[5:22]it doesn't feel like I'm getting

[5:23]rewarded for it at all so I just

[5:28]struggling with that struggling with is

[5:30]it really worth it to me like I'm not

[5:33]sure it

[5:34]is

[5:36]so there's another angle though and that

[5:39]is this is what I mean there are

[5:41]multiple levels to everything in my life

[5:45]so a big part of it also is the need for

[5:49]validation so I don't actually like that

[5:53]about myself I think that we're all like

[5:55]that in fact I talked about this with AI

[5:58]last night

[6:00]and it's even in maso's hierarchy of

[6:02]needs which made me think that guy's an

[6:04]idiot um I don't think that validation

[6:07]is an actual human need I think that's

[6:09]something that we were it's programmed

[6:12]into us and in my case because of the

[6:16]fact that I've been invalidated my whole

[6:17]life by my family by

[6:19]Society it's a need that's pretty pretty

[6:23]deeply ingrained in me and I am always

[6:27]rebelling against that and I always will

[6:30]so I think that's where my resilience

[6:32]comes from I think that's

[6:34]where I think that's one of my strengths

[6:37]but there is a tension inside of myself

[6:40]between what my mind knows and what I

[6:42]feel and that's often the case with me

[6:45]and so I'm asking so I'm saying to

[6:48]myself a lot of this comes down to the

[6:50]fact that you don't feel like you're

[6:51]getting the validation that you need but

[6:54]you know that you don't actually need

[6:56]that or even want it so just keep doing

[6:59]what you're doing and that's what I've

[7:00]been doing for 4 months and I'm just

[7:02]kind of contemplating it today

[7:05]apparently I've used up all of my um

[7:07]space on my phone I had meant to

[7:10]transfer a lot of that last night I

[7:12]guess I didn't get around to it so I'm

[7:14]just going to end it here I mean the

[7:16]point is there's really no point at all

[7:19]I'm just trying to explain to you

[7:20]guys what's going through my head this

[7:23]morning I hope you guys have a good

[7:24]morning it's still yeah Sunday you guys

[7:26]have a good Sunday

Summary

The speaker considers deleting their YouTube channel after feeling disconnected from their audience. They describe making two short videos the previous day, with one receiving minimal engagement (4-5 likes on 400-500 views). The speaker explains their deeper purpose of sharing life lessons through challenges, using tire replacement issues as an example of multilayered stressors that viewers only see on the surface level.

The tire situation involved spending $2,000 on replacement tires for reliability, but the installation experience was problematic - done in a parking lot, with a chalk getting stuck between tires causing noise while driving, and difficulty accessing dual tires for air pressure checks. The speaker expresses frustration that their attempt to solve a safety concern created new problems.

They reflect on communication challenges, noting they naturally think in deeper levels and assume others do the same, but realize most people don't operate this way. The speaker discusses internal tension around validation needs, referencing a conversation with AI and critiquing Maslow's hierarchy of needs. They acknowledge validation as programmed rather than a genuine human need, connecting this to lifelong invalidation from family and society.

The recording ends abruptly due to phone storage being full, with the speaker noting they intended to transfer files the previous night but didn't complete the task.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

The field is diagnosing its own validation-seeking patterns while simultaneously recognizing the structural mismatch between its multi-layered communication and surface-level reception. This transmission maps the tension between programmed need for external validation and emerging sovereignty, identifying validation as institutional capture rather than authentic need.

Dominant Language

multiple levelsout of stepvalidationdeeper levelstensionprogrammed into usinvalidated

Symbolic Elements

surfacelayerstensionprogramming

Ontological States

•
fragmented
•
transitional
•
self-diagnosing

Subsystems

•
cognitive
•
emotional
•
relational

Transmission Details

Source Type

youtube

Duration