Processing Grief from Life Transition

Speaker is in his current living space, organizing and preparing for his mother's upcoming visit. Bailey is present with him. He has recently experienced grief episodes triggered by family contact and is working through these feelings while maintaining conviction about his life choices.

Energetic Signature

raw but resolute

Field State

threshold crossing

Orientation

through grief toward structural coherence

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May 13, 2024

3:32

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:01]I have this feeling inside of me this

[0:03]void in my chest that feels so deep and

[0:06]so

[0:08]intense there's only one word to

[0:10]describe it it's

[0:13]grief it's the only word I know to

[0:16]use and it's grief from my old life and

[0:20]it seems to happen every time I talk to

[0:22]my mom or I see

[0:24]her I discussed it with her today I

[0:28]don't want to make her feel bad

[0:31]it just tells you how much I love her

[0:35]right we will see each other next week

[0:37]she's going to visit for a couple of

[0:41]days it's just been tough so I turned on

[0:44]some classical music

[0:46]and tried to breathe my way through it

[0:49]and um I've been in here organizing

[0:52]having Bailey here has kind

[0:55]of U made me feel

[0:58]like just Something I Need You know to

[1:01]do for him

[1:02]so I've redoubled my efforts basically

[1:06]I'm definitely making progress I have

[1:08]torn the place apart trying to find one

[1:11]thing and that would be those little

[1:12]command strips I really need them for

[1:14]the walls they still haven't found them

[1:16]I even looked out in the storage Bas

[1:18]there's not much out there

[1:21]actually so you know the same thing

[1:24]happened yesterday I didn't post about

[1:27]it and I thought

[1:30]you know I don't think that most people

[1:32]who do what I'm doing would have these

[1:35]kinds of feelings or maybe not as deeply

[1:37]I I don't know for sure though I mean I

[1:39]can only go

[1:40]on my my experiences in life

[1:44]and but I think it's important to share

[1:47]because there are people like me and

[1:49]even those that

[1:52]aren't I don't think that you can make a

[1:54]transition like this

[1:58]without something you know what I I

[2:01]don't know what it looks like but

[2:02]something you know your version of what

[2:04]I'm going

[2:06]through um I cried for the first time on

[2:09]my way home

[2:11]here with Bailey in in the vehicle with

[2:14]me and not a lot but it felt I realized

[2:18]it was the first time I had cried

[2:22]and I'm just shutting my old life I

[2:27]I I didn't expect it to be so

[2:30]tense it just

[2:32]is so I was getting ready to edit this

[2:35]and I just thought you know I probably

[2:36]should end

[2:39]with that does not invalidate what I'm

[2:42]doing I know that I made the right

[2:44]decision I I know it and in the core of

[2:48]my being I know it and I've seen how

[2:51]much it has helped me to do this this

[2:53]isn't a feeling I feel all the time it

[2:55]just seems to

[2:57]happen some days and you know for a

[3:00]couple hours and you know it abs and

[3:04]flows I mean that's kind of how life

[3:06]works and you know it's just a thing

[3:11]that um I don't know that it would have

[3:14]helped if I had

[3:15]known you know if somebody had told me

[3:17]this could happen I'd have still done

[3:19]this right I mean it's something you

[3:22]will experience maybe and if you do you

[3:26]know that you can get through it

Summary

rswfire describes experiencing deep grief triggered by contact with his mother, identifying this as connected to his old life. He discusses an upcoming visit from his mother and his efforts to organize his living space for Bailey's presence. He reflects on crying for the first time during his transition and emphasizes that these feelings don't invalidate his decision to change his life. The speaker acknowledges this grief as a natural part of major life transitions that others might also experience.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission maps the somatic architecture of transition grief while establishing its legitimacy as necessary system pressure rather than pathology. The field is simultaneously processing rupture from previous structural embedding while maintaining coherent forward momentum and building practical infrastructure.

Dominant Language

griefvoid in my chestshutting my old liferight decisioncore of my beingpeople like meget through it

Symbolic Elements

voidchestthresholdbreathingorganizingshelter

Ontological States

•
transitional
•
integrating
•
coherent
•
rupturing

Subsystems

•
somatic
•
emotional
•
relational
•
infrastructural

Transmission Details

Source Type

youtube

Duration