Exploring Spirituality and Religious History

Speaker is camping and reflecting after an adventurous day, planning to return to their camper to compile videos. They are in a contemplative state while spending time in nature.

Energetic Signature

cautious opening

Field State

threshold reconnaissance

Orientation

toward expanded possibility while maintaining boundaries

01HX82J4H01ZCJC6RGNPMPKA19

May 6, 2024

7:53

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:00][Music]

[0:00]hey everyone so I've been making lots of

[0:02]videos today because I had a very

[0:04]adventurous day um I have to get back to

[0:07]my camper before I can compile all of

[0:09]that and share it with you but there's

[0:11]one

[0:12]topic I mean I guess I just want to R

[0:16]everybody up because there'd be no other

[0:18]reason to talk about this right um but I

[0:21]actually do have another reason for it

[0:23]and I'm going to get into that

[0:26]so let's talk about religion for a

[0:29]minute

[0:31]spirituality

[0:33]so when I was younger I considered

[0:37]myself a very spiritual person like you

[0:39]know young adult years and all that I

[0:42]was into all kinds of stuff I was into

[0:44]astrology

[0:46]numerology

[0:48]um lots of stuff right when I was a kid

[0:53]I was raised in a Christian Church you

[0:56]know um well you know my parents were

[1:00]not like we didn't go to church every

[1:03]week or anything like that I had an

[1:04]interest in it I can remember times

[1:06]where I actually had them take me to

[1:08]church even though they didn't go I

[1:11]don't know why I actually liked it I

[1:13]liked church for a while so that was me

[1:17]as a kid and

[1:20]then say I don't want to offend anyone

[1:23]but you have to understand I don't like

[1:24]organized religion at all I still don't

[1:27]I probably I doubt that I ever will I

[1:32]just there are a lot of reasons why I

[1:35]don't I'm trying not to offend anybody

[1:37]here I do absolutely respect your right

[1:41]to practice religion I don't want you to

[1:44]think I don't because I do I truly

[1:46]do um I just don't like it around me

[1:50]like if it makes me think of my Aunt

[1:53]Brenda who's like the most religious

[1:55]fanatic I have ever known in my life she

[1:57]calls herself a Christian and I just

[1:58]think she's weird and

[2:01]crazy um and also you know I'm gay and

[2:06]I'm older

[2:08]I I know how most

[2:12]Christians well most religions most

[2:15]religions treated people like me I mean

[2:18]I grew up internalizing all of that and

[2:20]it made me hate myself I grew up with

[2:23]internalized homophobia that I still

[2:25]deal with to this day an organized

[2:28]religion is wise a big part of

[2:31]why so that was not for me but I did

[2:35]consider you know I I believed in a God

[2:38]and I used to pray to that God and all

[2:43]of

[2:44]that was very spiritual for most of my

[2:47]life and then I don't know what happened

[2:50]I'm not sure why it happened I'm a very

[2:52]analytical person and I just got to the

[2:55]point where I became truly agnostic I

[2:58]stopped believing in astrology ology and

[3:00]numerology and all those things and I

[3:04]just I came to the conclusion that

[3:07]there's no way to

[3:09]know with any certainty if or if there

[3:13]isn't a

[3:14]God I mean that's just how can we ever

[3:18]know so that's that's what it means to

[3:20]be agnostic it means you you know you

[3:22]it's not like being an

[3:25]atheist which there's nothing wrong with

[3:27]that either seriously it's just that's

[3:30]how I would label myself as an

[3:33]agnostic

[3:35]um but there is like and I can't tell

[3:39]you if this is just

[3:41]from

[3:43]how we're raised you know that our

[3:45]society and just the thoughts that get

[3:48]put into our head as children and things

[3:50]like that um it's really hard for me to

[3:53]know I think I think about this stuff

[3:55]but I've always wondered

[3:57]if well lately

[4:00]well I don't know how to say this part

[4:02]it's difficult it's almost like there's

[4:06]this part of our brains

[4:10]that never at least mine never

[4:15]truly love to go of the belief of

[4:19]God like it's a name right like it's a

[4:21]name but I don't know if that it's just

[4:24]some kind of programming from childhood

[4:26]or something like

[4:28]that um

[4:30]um so I consider that when I think

[4:34]about when I'm thinking about this topic

[4:37]and lately you know being in my camp or

[4:41]but doing everything I've done it seems

[4:44]to be

[4:45]resurfacing like last night I was just

[4:49]sitting outside and I was looking around

[4:52]and I was like there's just so much

[4:54]there's so much life in nature it's like

[4:56]somebody had to create that right like

[4:58]it's there

[5:00]we'll truly never know at least I you

[5:02]know that's my view on

[5:04]that but it just has seemed

[5:07]to just has been on my mind a lot lately

[5:10]and I don't know where that's going to

[5:11]take me so that's why I'm sharing

[5:13]this it's like I'm a little bit more

[5:16]open-minded I will never be open to

[5:18]religion and if it gets brought up in my

[5:20]comments I swear to God I will have a

[5:23]problem with that I the few times that I

[5:27]have so far like

[5:30]those people are not on my channel

[5:32]anymore I

[5:34]genuinely the first people I came out to

[5:37]was a

[5:37]church and their their reaction was not

[5:41]good the most vitri all I see online

[5:44]comes from religious people I just am

[5:47]not a fan and I never will be I truly

[5:50]won't that doesn't mean I'm not open to

[5:54]like exploring different ideas and

[5:57]lately some stuff that's been coming

[5:59]across my feet on YouTube is included

[6:01]like this is what got me thinking about

[6:03]it um herbs and oh I forget what is it

[6:08]called herbology I think there's another

[6:11]term for it but anyways that's been

[6:13]coming across my feet lately and I've

[6:15]noticed I'm kind of interested like I

[6:17]used

[6:18]to I used to kind of be into that and

[6:20]then I somewhere in my brain I'm like

[6:22]that's a pseudo science like astrology

[6:24]like my brain just went there and I felt

[6:27]that way about everything for a very

[6:29]long time and now it's like

[6:34]suddenly I'm looking at these things

[6:37]again and I'm wondering

[6:39]if I'm just exploring the topic again

[6:42]like like I have my whole life and I I'm

[6:45]just open-minded enough that I I changed

[6:48]my mind

[6:50]if I really don't know what what causes

[6:53]my mind to change but it's it's changed

[6:55]many times you know on this subject over

[6:57]the years so

[7:00]I'm just thinking because of my new life

[7:03]and the

[7:05]way that I'm

[7:07]changing and the things I'm experiencing

[7:10]it just feels like there might be some

[7:13]of that in my future and I don't know I

[7:16]don't know what it might not be anything

[7:19]it's just something that I just wanted

[7:21]you guys to know I've been thinking

[7:23]about cuz I was sitting outside last

[7:25]night and it was

[7:27]like I just

[7:32]I'm always searching just like just like

[7:35]everybody I

[7:36]think

[7:40]and I hope that I truly hope that I find

[7:43]whatever it is I'm seeking cuz I know I

[7:45]haven't founding cuz I don't feel

[7:48]fulfilled and I want to just like

[7:50]everybody else

Summary

The speaker reflects on their evolving relationship with spirituality and religion throughout their life. They describe being raised Christian as a child, actively requesting to attend church despite their parents' minimal involvement. As a young adult, they explored various spiritual practices including astrology and numerology. They explain their current rejection of organized religion, citing negative experiences as a gay person, including internalized homophobia and poor reactions when coming out to a church. The speaker identifies as agnostic, stating there's no way to know with certainty about God's existence. However, they note that while camping in nature, they've been reconsidering spiritual concepts and feeling drawn to herbology content on YouTube. They express openness to exploring new ideas while maintaining firm boundaries against organized religion in their content and comments.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission maps the architecture of epistemic reopening after analytical closure. The field is conducting reconnaissance at the threshold between materialist reduction and expanded possibility, testing structural integrity while maintaining sovereign boundaries against institutional capture.

Dominant Language

open-mindedsearching/seekingnever will beI don't knowlatelynature/lifefulfilled

Symbolic Elements

thresholdnaturesearchboundary

Ontological States

•
transitional
•
sovereign
•
exploratory
•
guarded

Subsystems

•
cognitive
•
ethical
•
relational

Transmission Details

Source Type

local

Video Quality

1920 × 1080 @ 30fps

Duration

7:53

Bitrate

2320 kbps

Codec

avc1.640028