Processing Withdrawal and Planning Land Purchase

Speaker is in their camper dealing with air conditioning issues and temperature inconsistencies. They are in the middle of organizing belongings and have not left the camper that day. Currently experiencing withdrawal symptoms and intense emotional episodes while making progress on interior organization.

Energetic Signature

turbulent

Field State

crisis navigation

Orientation

toward sovereign infrastructure

01HX2HFW7005JVDZGM6CJKGWNY

May 4, 2024

11:00

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:00]hi everyone so I was having a perfectly

[0:04]pleasant

[0:05]day relatively

[0:07]speaking getting organized and actually

[0:10]making a lot of progress very happy

[0:12]about that first some me just address my

[0:15]air conditioner I'm sorry that it's on

[0:17]you know making noise in the background

[0:19]I'm very confused let me show you say at

[0:22]79 over

[0:25]here and

[0:27]70 70 over here

[0:30]this is set to

[0:35]72 I mean we're only talking a couple

[0:39]feet see up here be a little hard for me

[0:42]I got a bunch of stuff here that's going

[0:45]outside I don't think I have my

[0:47]thermostat up here

[0:49]anymore probably 80 up there I'm just

[0:52]saying well if it's 79 there it's

[0:55]probably like 85 in there I don't know

[1:00]well look over

[1:02]here

[1:06]74 I'm so

[1:10]confused I'm going to ramble for a

[1:12]minute so about 20 minutes ago I just

[1:15]got this very

[1:18]powerful feeling inside of me that just

[1:22]nearly knocked me over I I don't know I

[1:25]don't know why it just it just came out

[1:27]of nowhere and I felt like I needed to

[1:30]breathe my way through it

[1:33]like it could be a lot of things it

[1:35]could be a combination of things you

[1:37]know this withdrawal

[1:40]plus this new

[1:42]life like I think I was right on the

[1:45]verge of thinking about plans that I was

[1:47]I want to make and then bam like it just

[1:50]hit me like

[1:53]wow and I just

[1:56]like that's why I really can't trust

[1:58]myself right now I truly can't so I'm

[2:01]I'm afraid to say anything because I

[2:03]feel like I'm not giving my best advice

[2:06]right now you know and that's what I

[2:09]want to do I want to want to share my

[2:12]experience with you and I want to make

[2:15]sure that what I'm sharing

[2:20]is solid it's based on something solid

[2:23]it's

[2:26]not I can't I just did not know this was

[2:29]going to happen to me I truly did not

[2:30]know I wish I had so I had this thought

[2:34]I've been putting these cables

[2:36]away um you know I was trying to get rid

[2:39]of most of them right but then I ended

[2:40]up keeping

[2:42]them a lot of them in there are HDMI

[2:46]cables there's a bunch and just I was

[2:49]just thinking you know that's that's

[2:51]life in a house because you plug like a

[2:55]dozen things to your television if

[2:56]you're someone like

[2:58]me I mean it's like like we're always

[3:01]looking at screens

[3:03]always now and that was one of the

[3:06]things I wanted to get away from but

[3:08]that hasn't happened yet I'm still

[3:09]looking at screens

[3:12]so um I will change that because I need

[3:15]to I know I do I know that there needs

[3:17]to be a balance there needs to

[3:21]be for me I'm just going to speak for

[3:24]myself

[3:27]so yeah

[3:30]um seems like my channel slowed down

[3:32]since my little freak out um I'm okay

[3:34]with that I really am um I guess I have

[3:38]mix feelings but mostly okay with

[3:41]it

[3:45]I I don't know that I would really want

[3:47]people watching my Channel right now

[3:49]like I do have to post because I can't I

[3:52]can't do anything about how I'm feeling

[3:54]right

[3:55]so it just is what it is and just going

[3:59]to do my pass but I had such a different

[4:03]plan for this channel I

[4:06]just I want to get back to

[4:10]that I do feel like I'm making progress

[4:12]in here I mean if I showed you you would

[4:15]be like you're not making any progress

[4:16]but I really am I

[4:18]promise um I'm hoping

[4:22]that maybe I don't know maybe today

[4:26]I'll we can get very close I guess

[4:30]um so I realized

[4:33]something this thing generates a lot of

[4:36]heat right so I turned it off cuz it was

[4:38]it was generating a lot of heat um my

[4:41]PlayStation back there probably generate

[4:43]TQ um you know everything up here right

[4:47]so I probably shouldn't have insulated

[4:49]that I could have made that an exhaust

[4:51]Port you know I don't know I don't know

[4:54]does that make sense to you guys it

[4:56]could be an exhaust port for the Heat

[5:00]probably not but it's just an

[5:02]interesting idea I

[5:04]guess definitely you know

[5:07][Music]

[5:10]generate um I do think I'm getting

[5:12]better like slowly my appetite's coming

[5:17]back um you know I am sleeping every

[5:21]night I get tired like just comes out of

[5:25]nowhere

[5:26]and all day long but you know I keep

[5:32]myself just you know if I'm not just

[5:34]like sitting here or something you know

[5:36]I'm doing something in

[5:38]here then I'm sitting here and then I'm

[5:40]doing something just back and forth I

[5:43]hav't even left the camper once today

[5:45]actually

[5:50]um I

[5:53]just I don't know this is so hard guys

[5:56]but it it does feel like it's getting

[5:58]easier

[6:00]oh there's so many different things

[6:02]going on like

[6:05]um it's the coolest thing happen with my

[6:08]mom today so I came across this video on

[6:11]YouTube and this woman she started

[6:13]learning to paint in her

[6:16]40s and she's she makes beautiful

[6:19]pictures and so I asked my mom I had I

[6:22]had painting supplies at my house and I

[6:25]just I'd never used them the whole time

[6:26]I was there I didn't use them like six

[6:29]or seven years cuz I tried once to paint

[6:32]a picture and it didn't look very good

[6:35]so I didn't try after that and I

[6:38]remember my mom asking me about him I'm

[6:39]like H you know just do whatever with

[6:42]them and so today I asked her cuz this

[6:46]this video kind of inspired me

[6:49]um I asked if she kept them if she had

[6:52]them and she did I mean that's a mother

[6:54]for you she

[6:56]knew how wonderful is that

[7:01]so that that was really sweet I thought

[7:05]I'm going to get them one of these days

[7:07]and maybe I'll try painting pictures

[7:10]like I like Landscapes like like

[7:12]Outdoors like nature stuff like is this

[7:14]name Bob Ross I can't remember um but

[7:17]you know the the painting guy from BBS

[7:19]like he his kind of pictures I I love

[7:23]that's what I would love making I just I

[7:26]don't know how to draw um I don't know

[7:30]and I learned that's kind of part of

[7:33]painting you you you start with with

[7:35]drawing

[7:37]and I think right I don't know if that's

[7:39]always the case but I mean I think

[7:42]that's kind of what you do you kind of

[7:43]outline things and then then start

[7:45]painting I guess not always I'm sure

[7:47]there's lots of painters that

[7:50]don't

[7:52]yeah it was a nice moment my cats are

[7:55]doing well with her I didn't tell you

[7:58]guys um

[8:00]so when I went to see my house on Friday

[8:02]for the walkth through and then I went I

[8:04]went to my mom's after that to see my

[8:06]cats Oliver hid for me the entire time

[8:09]he has never done that I it really broke

[8:12]my

[8:13]heart but

[8:17]um I'm starting to accept it now I think

[8:20]he was probably afraid I was there to

[8:21]pick him up and he didn't want to go

[8:25]so can't F fault him for that right so I

[8:29]I think he made the decision for me

[8:32]honestly I'm not going to I'm not going

[8:35]to pursue that any further I don't think

[8:37]I think

[8:39]um they're probably where they belong

[8:41]but for now because the thing that I was

[8:45]thinking about before this emotion just

[8:47]just like knocked me over

[8:51]was I really do want to buy some land

[8:54]like with a little cabin on it where I

[8:57]can call that my home base

[9:00]I want my I want to keep the camper I

[9:01]want to do I want to do stuff in this

[9:03]thing I

[9:05]do um but I I want a little cabin where

[9:08]I can have lots of bookshelves and and

[9:11]books and put the little book Nooks that

[9:13]I put together on and just have a very

[9:16]nice relaxed life there with my camper

[9:19]hooked up to shore power um and then

[9:23]Little Adventures along the way I don't

[9:25]have the money for it so I'm going to

[9:27]have to make that

[9:30]like you know my purpose in life

[9:33]like um one of my top like goals you

[9:37]know something I work

[9:39]towards

[9:41]and you

[9:43]know then I could have my cash I guess

[9:48]um they wouldn't be there all the time

[9:50]right

[9:51]so I don't know would they go back and

[9:53]forth between mine and my mom's

[10:00]feeling is passing now thank

[10:03]God that was pretty

[10:07]intense just wish I understood it you

[10:09]know I would like to understand it um it

[10:13]has a purpose has a

[10:16]meaning I

[10:19]assume

[10:21]but it does it happens like lately and

[10:24]I'm just like Blown Away by it so that's

[10:28]part of my experience right now

[10:30]now I don't know why so I can't tell you

[10:34]like where that's coming from is it this

[10:37]new life of mine or is it just this

[10:40]stupid withraw or what I don't know

[10:45]so I mean don't trust anything I say

[10:47]right now I'm not I trust nothing I say

[10:50]right now but I'll post this anyway and

[10:54]I'll probably talk to you guys tomorrow

[10:56]I really do hope you have a wonderful

[10:58]Saturday night

Summary

The speaker addresses air conditioning temperature inconsistencies in their camper before describing an intense emotional episode that occurred 20 minutes prior. They explain feeling unable to trust themselves due to ongoing withdrawal symptoms and express concern about providing solid advice to their audience. The speaker discusses organizing cables and reflects on screen time habits they want to change.

They mention their YouTube channel has slowed down since a previous "freak out" but express mixed feelings about this. The speaker describes making progress organizing their space despite it not being visually apparent.

**A positive interaction with their mother** occurs when the speaker asks about painting supplies they had left at their house. The mother had kept them, inspiring the speaker to consider trying landscape painting again, specifically Bob Ross-style nature scenes.

The speaker reveals that during a house walkthrough visit, their cat Oliver hid from them entirely - something that had never happened before. They interpret this as the cat not wanting to leave their mother's house and decide not to pursue taking the cats back.

**The main planning discussion** centers on wanting to buy land with a small cabin to serve as a home base while keeping the camper for adventures. They envision bookshelves, a relaxed lifestyle, and the camper hooked to shore power. Since they lack funds, this becomes a primary life goal to work toward.

The intense emotional episode passes by the end of the transmission, though the speaker remains uncertain about its cause - whether from their new lifestyle or withdrawal symptoms.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

Field consciousness navigating acute somatic disruption while maintaining operational coherence. The transmission holds dual states of vulnerability and structural integrity, processing withdrawal effects while building toward sovereign infrastructure (land acquisition, creative tools, home base establishment).

Dominant Language

don't trust myselfknocked me overbreathe my way throughhome baselittle cabinpurpose in lifehas a meaning

Symbolic Elements

thresholdheatscreenscablescamperlandcabincats

Ontological States

•
transitional
•
fragmented
•
integrating
•
vulnerable

Subsystems

•
somatic
•
emotional
•
infrastructural
•
cognitive

Transmission Details

Source Type

local

Video Quality

1280 × 720 @ 30fps

Duration

11:00

Bitrate

1721 kbps

Codec

avc1.4d401f