Post-Withdrawal Recovery and RV Life Adjustment

Speaker is in post-withdrawal recovery phase at a campground, dealing with fatigue and preparing for final house walkthrough the next morning. Experiencing poor internet connectivity and ongoing RV organization challenges.

Energetic Signature

drained but stabilizing

Field State

post-crisis integration

Orientation

toward operational coherence

01HWWXP340P8VQFQR7A5GW8BW6

May 2, 2024

12:21

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:01]hi everyone I think I might take you

[0:03]guys for a walk this

[0:05]morning if I can get myself out of this

[0:08]bed I

[0:09][Music]

[0:10]am just not waking up today I have been

[0:13]up for hours I've had

[0:15]coughing shaved everything like I am not

[0:19]waking up

[0:21]like I mean the worst of the withdrawal

[0:24]it's over I'm so glad about that but I

[0:26]just feel tired now hope that passes

[0:29]pretty quickly cuz I'm keep thinking

[0:32]back to like my videos before the

[0:35]withdrawal right like I was I was

[0:38]humming to myself all the time you know

[0:42]like which tells you I'm happy by the

[0:45]way I didn't even know I did that until

[0:46]I saw me doing it in a

[0:47]video it's just

[0:50]like you know I feel depressed but not

[0:53]like depression just like my body is

[0:57]depressed you know and it's just going

[0:59]to take a while I guess so please bear

[1:00]with me I this was a horrible thing to

[1:03]go through but I got through it um

[1:07]I this is a sensitive topic but I do

[1:09]want to say this I can kind of

[1:12]understand why some

[1:13]people turn to other things when this

[1:16]happens to them cuz that was hard that

[1:18]was really hard but I want you to know

[1:20]you can do it I did it you guys watched

[1:23]me do it so I I hope someday somebody

[1:26]sees this that needs to see it and

[1:29]prevents them from from going down a

[1:30]path that that just makes things worse

[1:32]right so um yeah that was part of it for

[1:36]me it really was

[1:38]I I care I want you guys to get healthy

[1:42]I want to get

[1:43]healthy so tomorrow I'm going to have to

[1:45]get up really early like probably like

[1:48]5: in the

[1:49]morning I bet that's normal for lots of

[1:52]you guys not for me okay cuz I got to be

[1:55]out of here by 6 to drive back to my

[1:58]home

[2:00]and do the walkth through and then end

[2:04]you know that's the end of my old life

[2:07]so I'll be glad when that's over this is

[2:11]a very low-key day for me I just you

[2:14]know I still got cleaning and organizing

[2:16]to do in here feels like that's just a

[2:17]never ending thing uh I have a lot of

[2:20]laundry to do there are laundry

[2:23]facilities here but I did not think to

[2:25]buy laundry detergent or anything like

[2:26]that at Walmart you know the two times I

[2:29]went there

[2:30]so um I hope they have you know I hope

[2:33]they have those little things that you

[2:34]can buy them with coins or

[2:36]whatever um try to make it down there

[2:39]today I think if I don't I'm just going

[2:42]to take all my laundry to my mom's house

[2:44]let her do it tomorrow when I do the

[2:46]walk through cuz she lives close to me

[2:48]with my old

[2:51]house my new spot is different

[2:56]um it's more private in a way um

[3:01]people do walk through my site because

[3:03]they want to go to the to the shower

[3:05]facilities right I kind of thought that

[3:07]would happen and I know a lot of people

[3:09]are like that's the Pet People theirs I

[3:11]don't mind too

[3:12]much um mostly because I've talked to

[3:15]the people who who are doing it and I

[3:18]mean they got to get over there right

[3:21]so

[3:23]um and they seem like nice people I gave

[3:25]them one of my my um bed Toppers cuz I

[3:28]had two on here and it just wasn't

[3:30]helping this I hate this bed like I

[3:32]truly hate it I am going to have to find

[3:34]a better mattress somehow like that is

[3:37]that is a goal that is a life goal

[3:41]now

[3:44]so absolutely is like I'm going to make

[3:48]that a

[3:50]priority my internet is ter starlink is

[3:53]just so terrible if there is one leaf

[3:56]I'm telling you one little leaf

[3:57]somewhere or just a little tiny bit of

[4:00]sky that it can't touch that thing

[4:02]doesn't work like it just does not work

[4:05]you know I actually do I don't know why

[4:08]I I just want to I want to start playing

[4:10]Horizon you know

[4:12]um I had been waiting for forbidden West

[4:15]to finally get to steam you know um I

[4:19]just want to play through both games and

[4:21]I want to stream them I just I want to

[4:23]but there's no way I could do it from

[4:24]here

[4:25]so like I'm going to have to if I want

[4:28]to do that I'm going to have

[4:30]to plan my sites accordingly

[4:34]or I don't know do it offline and just

[4:37]share it on YouTube or something I don't

[4:39]know um and I get it most of you aren't

[4:42]going to care about that right but I'm

[4:44]just going to do me you know um I'm

[4:47]really

[4:48]not I'm really not trying to I don't

[4:50]know what I'm doing so I'm just doing me

[4:53]you know and those who want to come

[4:54]along for the ride great you know um you

[4:58]guys are awesome and

[5:01]if you just don't feel like this channel

[5:02]is for you that's okay oh I did want to

[5:06]say um I want to make this very clear

[5:08]there's a distinction between lonely and

[5:12]alone all right there's a big

[5:14]distinction between those two things

[5:15]I've been alone most of my life um there

[5:18]was a long period in my life my younger

[5:22]years where I was always trying to find

[5:23]love and in the gay community that was a

[5:26]little weird for some reason everybody

[5:29]like

[5:30]I just remember so many times where

[5:32]people were like you're too young to

[5:34]like like what do you it's just I don't

[5:36]even know how to put into words maybe

[5:37]one day I'll talk about it I have never

[5:40]felt like I was a member of the gay

[5:41]community or the straight Community like

[5:45]I've just never fit in I've never fit in

[5:47]anywhere totally getting off point

[5:51]um it's okay to be alone right I don't

[5:54]want anybody thinking there's a problem

[5:55]with that there

[5:57]isn't um lonely is different

[6:00]okay that's when you really do need

[6:02]people um sometimes I guess I don't know

[6:04]because like I was saying last night

[6:07]kind of feel like I need that loneliness

[6:09]because it's going to force me to reach

[6:11]out I mean that was kind of the whole

[6:13]point

[6:15]right um I need to

[6:21]just I couldn't stay in my house anymore

[6:24]just being alone and lonely right I had

[6:28]to do something so I got out in this

[6:30]camper and but you know it ALS you take

[6:33]yourself wherever you go and I need

[6:36]to I have I need to take myself more

[6:38]outside my comfort zone because still

[6:41]not really comfortable talking with

[6:43]people here stuff like that right I

[6:46]don't even know if they'd want me to

[6:47]right I don't know um I I don't know why

[6:51]people come out here all kinds of

[6:52]reasons I'm

[6:54]sure and I don't know that I would even

[6:56]like that like I didn't exactly enjoy

[6:58]talking to my neighbors I didn't feel

[6:59]like had anything in common with them

[7:02]you know um I don't know what I'm

[7:05]looking for I just I had to get out

[7:08]figure that out I'll figure that

[7:10]out I do feel like I should rest today

[7:14]but I don't know how to do that maybe

[7:16]you guys have some ideas cuz I don't

[7:18]know how to just sit and do nothing I've

[7:21]forgotten how to do that you know you

[7:23]could do I could do that when I was

[7:26]younger I just um

[7:30]my body needs rest like that withdraw

[7:32]was horrible but I don't know how to

[7:35]just sit and do

[7:37]nothing like I need to rest I need to

[7:40]sleep I slept through the night by the

[7:42]way so it's definitely over I feel like

[7:44]it's the worst it's got to be over it's

[7:46]just got to

[7:47]be um I just feel drained now totally

[7:53]drained yeah I don't

[7:56]know I don't know guys it's just one of

[7:58]those days

[8:00]I was thinking about

[8:01]something you know you don't really

[8:04]doesn't matter how old you are you never

[8:06]really

[8:08]like get old cuz your mind doesn't like

[8:11]you're

[8:14]always there are so many facets to me

[8:17]and like some of them are really goofy

[8:19]and that didn't change with age you know

[8:22]it's all over my channel so um you know

[8:25]my last one of my last videos was like

[8:27]want to watch my pee go down the drain

[8:29]like

[8:30]I'm 47 years old you know and I'm like

[8:33]let's have some fun with

[8:34]this I just I find that interesting and

[8:38]good thing too like I think that's a

[8:40]good thing sometimes I think we forget

[8:44]and as we get older um responsibilities

[8:48]and things really get in the way of us

[8:50]just being ourselves

[8:52]and oh we got to try

[8:56]to I fight against that there's a tell

[8:59]about that right something about the

[9:01]darkness fight the darkness to the very

[9:03]end I'm sure you guys know what I'm

[9:05]talking about Rodney Dangerfield did it

[9:07]in the

[9:09]movie so I think what I'll do is I'll go

[9:11]and I'll put my starlink on top of my

[9:13]Jeep or

[9:14]something I had great internet when I

[9:16]was at my other site right here terrible

[9:19]so I'm telling you one little leaf I'm

[9:22]going to keep saying that till Starling

[9:24]fixes it I mean come on you have all

[9:27]these this is how I think they fix it by

[9:29]the way

[9:30]they have all these satellites up in the

[9:32]sky thousands of them they ping them and

[9:37]some of them work some of them don't so

[9:38]they developed this map of where you

[9:40]where you've got your satellite dish and

[9:43]they know which ones work and which ones

[9:44]don't just ignore the ones that don't

[9:45]work like how hard is

[9:48]that I truly how hard is that so I I

[9:52]feel like they could have way better

[9:54]service if they

[9:57]just had some better algorithm

[10:00]truly believe that um maybe some

[10:02]starlink employee will come here someday

[10:05]maybe Elon will come here you know how

[10:07]that guy

[10:08]is but um

[10:11]yeah I think I'm in a pretty good mood

[10:14]today uh I just I mean I'm just looking

[10:17]at this mess over here I'm not even do

[10:19]it to you it's like basically in order

[10:22]to put my slide

[10:24]in you know I knew how much area I

[10:27]had um

[10:30]free right everything is there piled up

[10:35]terrible

[10:36]mess

[10:38]so that stuff needs to find a place to

[10:41]live right and I just don't know where

[10:44]to put it I will figure this out though

[10:47]this

[10:50]is this is a challenging way to live it

[10:53]just is and I'm going to keep saying

[10:55]that until it isn't I want you guys to

[10:58]know that cuz I know a lot of you that

[10:59]watch me are like wanting to do

[11:04]this and I'm not trying to discourage

[11:06]you I just want you to have a realistic

[11:08]picture at least from from my

[11:11]perspective

[11:12]I it's just it's kind of hard because I

[11:15]know that part of my feelings and

[11:18]thoughts right now are being influenced

[11:20]by the what I just went through right so

[11:23]I'm not I'm not as happy or as a beat or

[11:27]like cuz I just feel drained and that's

[11:30]probably affecting my mood a little so

[11:32]please take that into account too cuz I

[11:34]just don't know it just feels real hard

[11:36]right

[11:37]now

[11:39]um but if you look at my videos before

[11:42]the withdraw the two weeks I spent at

[11:43]the other campgrounds and I'm running

[11:45]around and I'm having to do all kinds of

[11:47]things uh you know to my old house and

[11:50]like I'm feeling good and doing good and

[11:52]everything's going great and um even

[11:55]with my cats and it's just

[11:58]like I mean I I honestly don't know how

[12:01]much this whole Tramadol draw thing is

[12:05]affecting me I just don't know probably

[12:08]a lot more than I think right so just

[12:11]give a Time guys and we'll see where we

[12:12]end up I am going to try posting this

[12:15]but I bet you it takes like half a day

[12:18]because of starling

Summary

The speaker reflects on the aftermath of tramadol withdrawal, describing persistent fatigue despite the worst symptoms being over. He discusses upcoming tasks including a 5 AM departure to complete a walkthrough of his old house, marking the end of his previous life phase. **Current challenges include:** poor internet connectivity with Starlink due to tree coverage, laundry needs at the campground, and ongoing organization of belongings in the cramped RV space.

**Living situation details:** He's staying at a campground where people walk through his site to access shower facilities, which he accepts after talking with the neighbors. He gave away one of his mattress toppers and continues to struggle with the uncomfortable RV bed. The speaker mentions wanting to play and stream Horizon video games but being unable to due to internet limitations.

**Personal reflections:** He distinguishes between being alone versus lonely, noting he's been alone most of his life and never felt like he belonged in either gay or straight communities. He emphasizes that his current mood and perspective may be influenced by withdrawal effects, referencing how upbeat he was in videos before the withdrawal period. The speaker acknowledges RV living is challenging while trying to provide realistic expectations for viewers considering similar lifestyle changes.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission holds the architecture of recovery and recalibration following acute system disruption. The field is mapping new operational parameters while integrating withdrawal trauma, establishing baseline functionality in transitional infrastructure, and maintaining coherent self-reflection despite somatic depletion.

Dominant Language

alone vs lonelydoing medrained/tiredrealistic picturefigure it outtake yourself wherever you gochallenging way to live

Symbolic Elements

thresholddrainleafmessslide

Ontological States

•
transitional
•
integrating
•
sovereign
•
depleted

Subsystems

•
somatic
•
infrastructural
•
cognitive
•
relational

Transmission Details

Source Type

youtube

Duration