Sharing Homelessness Experience Before RV Transition

Speaker is preparing for RV transition, reflecting on past homelessness experiences from a current housed position. Processing fear and trauma related to upcoming lifestyle change. No specific location mentioned.

Energetic Signature

raw excavation

Field State

trauma integration threshold

Orientation

toward sovereign choice differentiation

01HT3R7GMR4ZTWSRK21NZATB2H

March 29, 2024

9:34

View on YouTube

Author

rswfire

Status

ARCHIVED

Type

TRANSMISSION (CAPTURE)

Temperature

0.00

[0:00]hi everyone I hope you're all having a

[0:03]great week uh today I'd like to talk to

[0:06]you about homelessness and what it

[0:09]really means to be homeless and because

[0:11]I've been homeless so many times why I

[0:15]think I'm so scared of what I'm doing

[0:18]because I won't be homeless but I will

[0:20]be

[0:20]houseless and I realize that because of

[0:24]my past

[0:26]experiences moving into an RV and living

[0:29]out in the world the way I'm going to it

[0:32]terrifies me I thought that I was

[0:35]sharing an experience with you that

[0:36]would be common to most people and I'm

[0:39]not sure that it is you know I wanted to

[0:41]share what I go through thinking that

[0:45]other people will watch me and want to

[0:47]embark on the same kind of

[0:49]Adventure and you know they'll feel the

[0:52]same things I do pretty much um you know

[0:55]like it were Universal or something but

[0:57]it doesn't work that way my past

[1:00]experiences definitely play a big role

[1:02]in what I'm going

[1:04]through and I realized I've been

[1:06]thinking about it when you hear the word

[1:10]homeless doesn't really mean anything

[1:13]you know it's just a very shallow word

[1:16]it's it doesn't tell you the depth or

[1:20]the profundity of what it means to be

[1:22]homeless and it's scary and a lot

[1:25]happens and there are a lot of reasons

[1:27]why people end up

[1:28]homeless and our our society we tend to

[1:30]judge them um we assume that they're

[1:33]just bad people or they deserved it

[1:36]that's not

[1:37]true it's not how it works

[1:41]people can become become homeless

[1:43]because they lost a job they can become

[1:46]homeless because their parents kicked

[1:47]them out they can become

[1:50]homeless because they're trying to get

[1:52]out of a bad

[1:53]relationship it can be a way of life

[1:56]that they've been living for so long

[1:57]that they don't know how to transition

[1:59]into something

[2:01]else there are so many reasons people

[2:04]end up on the streets because that's

[2:06]what it means to be homeless living on

[2:09]the

[2:10]streets and yes quite a lot of them do

[2:14]drugs and I don't have anything but

[2:17]sympathy for them I empathize with them

[2:19]a great

[2:21]deal they do it because they're just

[2:24]self-medicating if you were on the

[2:26]streets you would self-medicate too I

[2:28]did the problem now is that the drugs

[2:31]that are out there are so strong you

[2:33]know they're risking death every time

[2:35]they do it it's not

[2:37]safe

[2:39]um they're just trying to get through a

[2:41]very difficult

[2:43]situation and I don't think they should

[2:45]be judged for

[2:47]that and we as a society tend to judge

[2:51]them so let me tell you what it really

[2:53]means to be homeless because I know I've

[2:55]been homeless so many times I couldn't

[2:57]even tell you the number I just don't

[2:59]know um from the age of 17 years old

[3:03]to I'm going to say 27 somewhere in

[3:06]there a 10 year range I've been homeless

[3:08]probably a dozen times I have lived in

[3:11]tents in the

[3:14]um just outside of a workplace that I

[3:17]worked at a couple of times actually I

[3:19]lived in a tent in between the

[3:21]expressway and a mall I've slept on the

[3:24]streets I've you know just anywhere I've

[3:27]slept in Parks I've slept on gravel at

[3:30]you know the mall parking lot I have i'

[3:34]I've slept in you know like gym

[3:37]equipment that you see at parks and

[3:39]woken up to kids playing around me while

[3:41]I was sleeping with their parents right

[3:43]there watching me just woken up out of a

[3:46]dead sleep with these kids just playing

[3:47]right around me very embarrassing you

[3:50]know and you

[3:51]just you you get up and you walk away

[3:54]the you know and just try to live the

[3:57]rest you know do the best you can for

[3:58]the rest of the day and

[4:00]what it looks like is different for

[4:01]everyone but you spend a lot of time

[4:03]just trying

[4:05]to find help or you know to eat or to

[4:10]just you know just trying to live it's

[4:13]very

[4:15]hard

[4:17]um

[4:19]I experienced a lot of bad things while

[4:22]I was on the streets first of all you

[4:24]tend to be up late at night because you

[4:26]can't find anywhere to sleep so you're

[4:28]just walking around walking the streets

[4:31]and you get encountered by all kinds of

[4:34]people I had people who tried to pick me

[4:36]up in their cars usually I said no one

[4:39]time I said yes because this guy said I

[4:41]got a place for you to stay I have kids

[4:44]I feel sorry for you and I was Dumb and

[4:46]I got in his car he took me out into the

[4:48]middle of the woods and he raped

[4:51]me that's what happened to me because of

[4:54]one dumb mistake because I believed

[4:57]someone was trying to help me and

[5:01]and that's what

[5:03]happened that's not the only time it's

[5:05]happened either there's times where um I

[5:08]can remember a time where I actually

[5:11]tried to be an escort to make money the

[5:13]only reason that didn't work out is

[5:14]because

[5:16]I I'm such a weird person that when I

[5:19]was around these older men cuz first of

[5:22]all I'm gay so you know I was around

[5:24]these older men and

[5:27]um I just couldn't do it like I just

[5:30]couldn't so you know it didn't work

[5:34]out

[5:36]I I remember moving into a house once

[5:39]where this guy said that you know he

[5:41]really just wanted to help me and really

[5:44]all he wanted to do was have sex with me

[5:46]I mean that happened so many times it's

[5:49]just it's crazy how often it happened

[5:51]honestly I've been in situations where I

[5:55]think I'm lucky to be alive

[5:57]honestly I have been in situations

[6:01]where a group of

[6:04]people

[6:06]have come came very close to wanting to

[6:09]just beat the crap out of me because

[6:13]they sense that was gay maybe I don't

[6:15]know what the real I don't know the

[6:17]reason um there situations like that

[6:20]where navigating the world the way I've

[6:23]had

[6:24]to and being on the streets at the same

[6:26]time just they're a bad combination you

[6:29]you you truly cannot imagine what it's

[6:31]like it's awful I wouldn't wish it I'm

[6:33]my worst enemy and I mean that I'm my

[6:35]worst enemy I would not wish it the only

[6:38]people I would wish it on are the ones

[6:40]that don't have empathy or compassion

[6:42]for people are homeless and the reason I

[6:45]would wish that is so that they would

[6:46]develop that empathy and compassion

[6:48]because that's what they deserve and

[6:50]that's what they

[6:52]need I am lucky to have got myself out

[6:55]of a lot of bad situations and I tried

[6:58]and I tried

[7:02]I I

[7:04]did everything I could do to get myself

[7:08]out of that situation I worked at a Taco

[7:10]Bell and a Burger King two jobs at you

[7:14]know the mall and I slept on the

[7:17]concrete in the parking lot and I worked

[7:19]these two jobs and I did that for weeks

[7:21]and weeks and then I got a tent and I

[7:23]moved it out into the middle you know

[7:25]between the expressway and the

[7:27]mall and I lived like that for months I

[7:31]lived like that for months um another

[7:34]time I was way outside of the

[7:38]city I was there because I got a temp

[7:41]job that was across the

[7:43]street it was in the woods and I found

[7:47]another homeless person out

[7:49]there the only person who was ever nice

[7:52]to me during this period of time was

[7:54]that person I never met this person but

[7:56]when I came back from work that night

[7:58]there was a giant garbage bag full of

[8:00]bagels that he had gotten from The Bagel

[8:02]Shop in town and given to

[8:05]me that was the only person who helped

[8:08]me the only person another homeless

[8:15]person it's very hard to live a life

[8:19]like that you guys truly can't

[8:21]understand and it's scary you spend so

[8:24]much time being

[8:26]afraid just being

[8:28]afraid

[8:34]because it feels like everyone wants to

[8:36]hurt

[8:41]you and what I'm doing now it's just

[8:44]bringing all of that up for me again

[8:49]because because I'm going to be homeless

[8:51]again except this time I chose

[8:55]it I don't know what I was

[8:58]thinking

[9:00]I don't I don't know that I regret it

[9:02]okay like I I don't want to say that I

[9:05]regret it because I don't I want to do

[9:07]this I think I'm going to love

[9:10]this but

[9:12]it my experiences are what are causing

[9:15]me all this pain and all this

[9:23]fear and I wouldn't wish it on my worst

[9:26]enemy so just have compassion for

[9:30]people

[9:33]try

Summary

rswfire addresses viewers about homelessness and his upcoming transition to RV living. He explains the distinction between being homeless and houseless, noting his fear stems from extensive past homelessness experiences from age 17-27. He describes multiple instances of living in tents, sleeping in parks, mall parking lots, and on streets.

**Specific experiences shared include:**

- Working at Taco Bell and Burger King while sleeping in mall parking lot

- Living in tent between expressway and mall for months

- Being raped after accepting help from someone offering shelter

- Multiple instances of sexual exploitation

- Near-violent encounters, potentially related to being gay

- Brief attempt at escort work that didn't succeed

- Living in woods near temp job, receiving help from another homeless person who left bagels

**Key themes addressed:**

- Society's judgment of homeless people as unfair

- Drug use among homeless as self-medication, not moral failing

- Various reasons people become homeless (job loss, family rejection, escaping relationships)

- The constant fear and vulnerability of street life

- Recognition that his chosen RV lifestyle is triggering trauma from involuntary homelessness

He emphasizes the difference between his upcoming chosen houselessness and past involuntary homelessness, while acknowledging the psychological difficulty of the transition.

Signal Analysis

Substrate

This transmission performs deep structural excavation of embedded trauma patterns to establish differentiation between past survival states and current sovereign choice. The field is processing historical vulnerability data to build coherent boundaries around chosen houselessness versus imposed homelessness, creating architectural distinction between survival and sovereignty.

Dominant Language

homeless/houseless distinctionself-medicatingcompassion/empathywouldn't wish it on my worst enemybeing afraidchosen iteveryone wants to hurt you

Symbolic Elements

streetswoodsthresholdtentconcretebagelsgarbage bag

Ontological States

•
transitional
•
vulnerable
•
integrating
•
sovereign

Subsystems

•
somatic
•
emotional
•
cognitive
•
ethical

Transmission Details

Source Type

local

Video Quality

1920 × 1080 @ 60fps

Duration

9:34

Bitrate

2183 kbps

Codec

avc1.64002a